5 months on Tuesday.

[Flip]

Firstly, my apologies to everyone for just dropping off the face of the earth for a couple of months. I have had a very bad time of late and I just needed to hide for a while. I am proud, very proud, to say that even though I have been through one of the darkest periods of my life I am still sober. It will be 5 months on Tuesday.

You may remember that I met a man back at the end of January, and I was quite concerned about having a relationship with him as he was also a sober drinker like myself. Despite my reservations we "hijacked" each other, as my good friend put it so succinctly.

It ended very badly. I found out that I had accidently got myself a little bit pregnant the first time we slept together, and to cut a long story short, he didn't take it well. We didn't agree on what to do about it and the relationship ended along with the pregnancy.

I was completely crushed, emotionaly and physically.

I am now recovering and have resolved to work through the issues which led to this awful experience. Can anyone out there tell me about thier experiences with co-dependency?

Grateful member of MWO
Flip

[Arial]

Hi Flip,

I'm afraid I have no insights into co-dependency, but I just wanted to say how impressed I am at your strength and courage. The difficulties you have faced over the last few months are obvious, and you are right to feel proud at having faced them without alcohol, without slipping. It could have been so easy to bury yourself in the 'relief' that alcohol temporarily provides from having to deal with life, but you didn't. The fact that you are also not only 'putting it behind you' but working through the issues, will give you even greater personal strength and understanding. I only wish I could help more, but you have my utmost respect.

Good luck and as you pull out of the abyss.

[lushy]

Flip, it was great to see you in chat the other night. I am sorry for all you have gone through but must say I am beyond impressed as well that you did not turn to alcohol to help you through that dark time. Bravo to you! Hope to see more of you around here.

[Bella]

I'm sorry you have had a bad time. I hope things things will get better for you. Keep strong. Bella xx

[paula]

Hi Flip,
Well done on your achievement. I understand co-dependency as being
someone who enables another to drink, and makes excuses for them etc.
even actively encouraging them to drink. I think my family did this for a
long time, although they did not encourage me to drink, they would not
confront me about it and so enabled me to carry on, possibly because
they did not want to admit that I had a problem.
I think you did the right thing in ending the relationship.
You can't change the behaviour of others, only your own
You have done so well, and have every reason to be proud
Love Paula.x

[abby1]

Flip,
Glad to have you back. You have a strong resolve to go 5 months AF and deal with all the issues you have been dealing with. I am not an expert on co-dependaency, but wanted you to know I am thinking about you.
Abby

[mikeupnorth]

Hi Flip,

So sorry to hear about what's been going on.... but happy to know you didn't have to drink over it. Of course that wouldn't have made ANYTHING better.

Thanks for the link about co-dependency on the other thread. I read it and found some very familiar patterns there. Most especially: kind, stable, available and interested guys seem "boring" to me (there's a long list of them whose hearts I've broken) and I've always gone for guys who were unavailable, somewhat distant or emotionally abusive, unstable or otherwise broken and in need of fixing.

It's very hard for us to figure out where to draw the line between loving someone and giving 100% to a relationship, and going overboard and putting so much into it that we lose ourselves.

The bottom line is, I think, to love and accept ourselves first, and then we're more able to truly love someone else.

All the best,

Mike

[wwbarb]

Flip, I am so sorry about what happened.

Until I developed a good level of self esteem, I gravitated towards men that treated me badly because I felt that this was all that I deserved. Ironically, it was the weight loss process that helped me do the introspection and discovery that led me to the person I am and the one I hope to continue to grow into. The tools I used to change my eating and exercise behaviours funnelled into the rest of my life, including my relationships. Only then was I able to embrace the relationship with my stable, kind, boring husband. I still have my issues and probably always will, but I know where my "toolbox" is if I need to fix something.

[ScoobyDoo]

Oh Flip

Go easy on yourself. You're in need of a big hug. Well done of 5 months!