800 Days of xtexan

[xtexan]

Hello everyone:

Another installment of my long-term journey into a new life. It’s been 800 days now AF, without so much as a drop of my nemesis. I will reach that 1000-day mark, and then probably end this series.

Since my last chronicle at 700 days, even more improvement and growth. Even more freedom of the soul, and today I am feeling even better physically.

Some of the new things I’ve done since last time.

- Started using phosphatidylserine at intervals.
- Got off caffeine, another long time addiction
- Started using DHEA at intervals.
- Explored some more audio and reading material by Alan Watts, Eckhart Tolle, and some interpretive essays on the Bhagavad Gita.
- Added a few new exercises to my weight lifting rotations.

Overall, there is a new quality to the distance between my psyche and that last drink. It has taken the form of a greater awareness of my surroundings and situation. It is hard to explain, but perhaps it is the clearing of more fog and confusion from my brain. There has been a definite increase in the sharpness of my senses, and clarity of my thought since the 700 mark. Where will this lead? Just how acute can my senses and awareness become? Each time I peak through a recovery cycle, and then dip down, I always think that I have reached the peak, but then I ramp up and get to an even higher plateau. With each new pinnacle of experience during this journey, I realize even more just how destructive alcohol is to people like me.

I’m now two weeks off the caffeine, and this has shocked me as well. I had no idea of what that legal drug was doing to my overall sense of well-being. Toxins are toxins, and they all make us sick to one degree or another. Alcohol, tobacco, caffeine, refined sugar, all things I used to consume in mass quantity, and now abstain from. I now carefully evaluate what substances I put down my pipes, and ask the question, “Will this really help me, or harm me?”

This is the first time, I can honestly say, that during the worst of the last down cycle of recovery, I felt better than I did at the best of my drinking days. I’m no spring chicken, so please consider that last sentence carefully. When it all seems too much to bear, and many times I felt that, sooner or later you will know that the grief has been worth it. This is a truth of long-term recovery from long-term self destruction. When I went into this thing, I operated on that simple faith and still do.

I get new satisfactions from my fitness and exercise program. My musculature is still gaining more definition, and I am getting stronger. I am starting to look more like an athlete, than I do an alcoholic couch potato, and that my friends, is a boost like nothing else I have ever experienced. Stick with it. Stay sober. Be kind to yourself.

Fall in love with yourself, even if you have spent over a quarter-century hating the very thought of looking in a mirror. Be pleased with yourself, and respect yourself. These are words that are a real key to becoming whole again. Easy to type, but in action, for guys like myself, it was akin to moving Mt. Everest to Kansas with a garden shovel. But one shovel full at a time, walking the distance, and then going back for another. That is what this is for me.

So I will let it go at that for now. Hang in there, and always remember that it is the core of your being where you will find that real strength of faith. It is not outside yourself, but it is within you to do it. As long as you are alive, it is in there.

Be well.

Neil

[Accountable for Me]

WOW - what an inspiration you are Neil. 800 days! Love your posts, and I am very thrilled you continue to share your journey with us.

[Determinator]

Neil, glad to see you on yet a higher peak. Inspired as always.

[about time too]

Neil,
800 days hey. No mean feat.. but no dry drunk you.. oh ho.. there you are tackling the real issues and not giving up on the person that you are inside.

Raise the flag, I say!!

Imagine the peak of 1000 days.. thats within reach now - opportunities are endless and the work is worth it, I know that to be true.
Brigid

[Thankful]

Wow, Neil!! You are my hero. Congratulations!!!

I can't express enough my appreciation for you taking the time to post your progress. It's so important to me to know that what I'm going through isn't "just it" (at 2 months AF). It's great to know that the positive changes continue if we are willing to keep working on ourselves. I hope to start feeling better soon, as I am so anixous to start a new life. It seems everything I read this week really is thought provoking and so inspirational.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Keep up the amazing work. I am so happy for you. Please don't ever hesitate to post any words of hope. Bless you.

Love, Me

[meditation mama]

Boy, did I need that post tonight!

Thank you, Neil. You are truly an inspiration. 800 days.. that is fantastic.

Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

Namaste,

MM

[Mags]

ExTex

What a great guy you are to share so much with us. So wise. So giving.

I want to follow up on the exercise thing you write about. I don't think anyone can recover without taking care of the body also. We have abused our bodies with drink and now need to take care of our bodies. Diet of course is essential. Stop the crap food, but we all know that.

Exercise is such an essential part of my recovery (which I am still undergoing) and I know it is part of yours. I know you know what I am talking about when I say that when working out your body, you are working out so many psychological things also. It truly is a cleansing of sorts. You don't have to pump big irons, Just pump something - you just have to be in that space where you are working and being with your body. You just feel all that good energy flow and release so much tension and bad shit from the past. It truly is miraculous.

I go to the gym and do the machines, but mostly I like to do my exercise outside. Skiing in the winter and biking in the summer - those are my main ones. I just don't think anyone can have a healthy mind without a healthy body.

Thanks as always for your post ExTex. Keep counting those wonderful days and keep sharing.

[janka]

Wow Neil, 800 days is a mighty achievement, congratulations! Your a wise and well thought out man and a great inspiration to all of us. Thanks so much for your sharing and insight ... helps me to forge ahead, j

[satori]

Neil,

You are my inspiration - I REALLY want to be where you are physically and mentally!

(Only 678 days to go! )



Truly awesome!
Keep on doin' it!


Satori

[cowgal]

Like others have said here, WOW, you are a great inspiration to me as well, always aspiring for some "higher ground", AF can do that, huh? Looking forward to many more AF days then...............

Thanks for sharing that all w/ us.

Mary Anne