9 month check in...

[Flip]

Jsut to prove that I can be serious for a more than a few moments at a time, I thought I'd check in with what's been happening with me and my drinking problem.

Sometimes it's easy to forget how bad it was, now that I am sober. It's like recalling bad days from high school, you know it happened, everyone else remembers, but it doesn't quiet seem real.

I came off the Campral a month - 6 weeks ago. I've had no cravings whatsoever. I am really thrilled about this as last time I tried going off it I was drinking again soon after. This time is different though as I no longer have the illusion that I can moderate, or that I will ever be able to drink like a normal person.

When I think about the past 9 months, it's been one of the worst years of my life in some way, and yet, one of the best.

In November my dad died and my mum had yet another life saving operation on her 5th matastisised cancer.

In December I stopped drinking

In January I met someone who turned out to be a total psycopath.

In Feb I got pregnant, but didn't know it. I also started going to an alcohol and drug counsellor.

In early April I terminated. The hardest decision I have ever made in my life. I never saw the father again.

In late April, my mum came to visit. I had to hid my guilt and greif from her.

In June and May, I just lived.

In July, my 17 year old first born moved out. I am not ready for her to leave me.

In August I had to put my dear old dog to sleep.

In September I will be a year older, and

I AM STILL SOBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This month is also the beggining of the healthier me, I am walking, eating well and taking care of myself.

It's time to grow up.

[less desperate]

You're amazing.

May I ask you a question, though: Do you ever feel tormented by guilt over the past, things you did during your drinking days?

I'm trying not to, but it's like this strange sickness that is hidden in my brain and jumps out without warning. I find it excruciating, but I'm wondering if it starts to go away as you get more sober time under your belt.

[lushy]

You know I love you Flip and I admire the hell out of you for staying AF for all you have gone through. I have no doubt this will be the year of getting yourself even healthier. I am with you on that one as I need to start exercising as well. Tons of hugs to you from the other side of the world!

Can we get back to the fact I have posted over 5000 times here though?

[Mags]

Flip, you are a wonder. To go through such a tough year with such challenges and heartbreaks and still stay sober. God knows (sorry Dog knows) it is so hard - no one knows how hard that can be. No one. That bastard evil demon is always lurking to catch us at our weakest. You have beat it. I don't care if you eat carrots or chocolate or whatever.

Humor is a powerful weapon that can be used to deal with our troubles. You have not only used it for yourself but used it to help heal all your sisters and brothers here. What a gift.

Be proud of yourself woman. Be very proud.

But please lose the mustache!

[julie001]

Through all of the turmoil and pain, you prevailed! Now that you moved into AF land, you have such an opportunity to just take care of you. I very happy for you. Keep us updated with the positive changes you experience as you move into this phase of your healing. Again, kudos!

Julie

[tawnyfrog]

So????

Get over yourself.


Alright, you've made me do one of these stupid things ...



... and you know I don't do 'em lightly.

Good stuff, mate. See you in November.

[xtexan]

Hi Flip:

Just want to let you know, that I believe the worst is over for you. Those first 9 months were major pain and white knuckles much of the time for me.

After that, something new started to kick in. Hard to put a finger on it, but it was like I knew that I could REALLY do this thing, if I just kept my guard up.

You went through major unpleasant events there, and prevailed. My hat is off to you. Seems like being AF amplifies the impact of things, compared to someone who never had any booze problems.

Please believe me when I say that the light at the end of the tunnel gets brighter the further one goes.

You have better days ahead, and having fought the good fight, I believe you will experience a sense of personal power and contentment that will make the pain worth it.

Neil

[lushy]

What does Tawny mean, see you in November? Are you two getting together? I want to go........

[Flip]

yep, Lushy, we are catching up - I'm going down there for a bike rally.

Desperate: re your questions... I feel incredible torment, guilt and shame over some of the harm I have caused to both myself and to others I love. However, just knowing I have done everything I possibly can to prevent that from ever happening again and, may I use the term, made amends with those I have harmed. I feel nothing but support and love from everyone around me. They are so proud of me. I am proud of myself.

That feeling would not be there if I hadn't stopped, it would only be getting worse every day.

[luCKy]

I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!

Flip, I am thrilled for you and you have been a big inspriration for me to be abs. I am glad you are on the site.

Way to Go!!!!

xo
The Dainty Duck

Quack Quack