900 Days of xtexan

[xtexan]

Hi everyone:

Another milestone in the AF journey has passed. 900 days or 29.5 months or almost 2 ½ years since that last drink.

I wanted to write about a few more thoughts and observations.

On Being Tough:

No doubt about it. This has got to be the toughest thing I’ve ever managed. No more slips, no more sneaked drinks, no more believing I can just have one. That realization completely overwhelms most of us in those first few days, weeks, or months of absolute abstinence. Not one drop. You have to be tough. You either get tough, or you fall. Simple as that. No sugar coating, and coddling. You have to get tough with yourself, and mean it.

There is an expression my parents used to use, that I don’t hear so much these days. It was used in connection with things during World War 2. You have to develop “intestinal fortitude”, which is a euphemism for “guts”. In order to deal with adversity, and hard times, one had to develop a resolve and courage deep within. Not just a mental or emotional state, but a condition of the physical tissues. Guts.

For most of my life, I felt like I had no “intestinal fortitude”. I always felt like I was a slacker somehow, and not born with the “right stuff”. Booze was the best medicine, or so I thought, because it would give artificial courage, to a person like myself.

That was, is, and always will be a delusion.

Now after all this time, I am starting to realize that maybe I do have some guts. Maybe I can be tough. Thing is, you can to. If I found it, then something within tells me you can do it too.

Riding the Waves of Peace:

There was a post a while back, by another long-term abstainer, who seems to have gone on to other things. It was back when I first joined this forum in September 2006. I still remember them writing, “The first three years are hell!”.

I didn’t really understand at that time, because I was at the 9-month mark, and was just emerging from another crisis period. Now I understand a little better, and I look forward to that 3-year mark this winter.

There have been times where I thought that that I was all better, and the worst was over, only to be challenged with another set of emotional, or psychological storms. The storms have taken many forms, and now I’m in the middle of another one. Not a craving for booze, in the physical or emotional sense at all. This storm is like a realization that I now recognize the long-term pattern of recovery, and I wonder if there is anything I’ve missed. I still exercise, take select supplements, do meditations, and read new material dealing with personal growth. I’ve been leveled off at this altitude for some months now, and been reticent to change my current routines, that have worked so well the last 900 days. It is a feeling that the immediate danger is over, and maybe I should climb to another level. Thing is, I don’t know just how to do that right now. That is the nature of this current storm. Being ignorant of just what I need to do next. Before it was clear, and I always seemed to find a way further from the addictions.

But for now, all is peaceful, and maybe that is what I need to learn. It is how to ride the waves of peaceful introspection, rather than force the issues.

Why do we drink in the first place?:

Many times over the last few months, something seems not quite right. I see it in the endless advertising and social machinery around drinking. Slick magazine ads for expensive liquors, which imply sophistication, and perhaps superiority over others if we imbibe that particular product. Television commercials for beer brews, which convey the message that this liquid is the key to good times.

Other advertisements showing beautiful thin people in nightclubs, dancing away perfectly in time, wearing the latest high dollar fashions. Only the most “hip”, and “with it” individuals drink this or that poison.

This is dope pushing, pure and simple. Multi-million dollar dope pushing systems.

Does any mind-altering substance ever really make our lives better I wonder? Does it ever really solve a problem? For over 30 years, I absolutely believed that it would. Now, after all this time away from the bottle, it is beginning to really smack of the deepest hypocrisy. I know why I drank, and every day the reasons get a little clearer to me. I’m dealing with it.

A lot of people in the world don’t drink, and many never have. I am now one of them. At first, it was as if I was in some sort of gray area between the booze head, and the non-drinker. Now, I feel firmly in the camp of the tee-totalers. There is no real good reason for me to drink in the first place.

Sorry I don’t have any you-tube videos to post, just writing things as I seem them at this stage of the game.

See y’all at the 1000 mark. I will get there, and the confidence that I will is solid.


Neil

[FallenAngel]

First of all Neil...a huge..I mean HUGE congratulations on 900 days!!! It is people like you that inspire the rest of us... thank you for showing us how it's done! And I know.... in exactly 100 days, you will be celebrating your 1000th day of freedom!
The day I quit drinking, I knew that was it. I knew that in 12 months time I would be celebrating my one year milestone... all that was left was to put in the time...one day at a time.... and do whatever it took to make it there. It was with great anticipation that I wondered to myself what changes would come about in the next year.... and what person would emerge that would now be looking back at the journey started 12 months prior.

Originally Posted by xtexan

You either get tough, or you fall. Simple as that. No sugar coating, and coddling. You have to get tough with yourself, and mean it.

Perfectly said.
I wish more people 'got' that.
This is a fight for our life.... the gloves have to come off...and we must fight with everything we have.... and settle for nothing less than total victory.

[FallenAngel]

I had to read it again...your words always hit such a chord with me.

Thank you again... and congrats on 900 days of freedom!

[Thankful]

Neil, I hope you are as proud of yourself as we all are of you. Congratualtions!!

I always love reading the "updates" of your progress. You say it like it is and that is so important. At first when I was reading your post I was thinking I don't want to hear it will be a struggle for 2 1/2 more years! Lord, help us. But then I realized that I do want to hear the truth. So thank you very much. You are a true inspiration.

I think many here who are still struggling look at the advise of some of the long term abbers and think "Oh, yeah, easy for you to say that, because your sober". But they don't realize the work, the dedication and daily battles that long terms abbers go through. Life is not a bed of roses just because you are sober. But there can be less thorns if you live it sober.

I too know that we will be here helping you celebrate your 1000th day!!

Love, Me

[hippie37]

Hi Neil.

I couldn't of asked for a better post to come my way today. Reading this has done me the world of good. Been reflecting on a year of trying to stay sober myself today and your "Riding the waves of peace" section just struck a big chord with me and in particular the last line: It is how to ride the waves of peaceful introspection, rather than force the issues..

Thanks for this inspiring post Neil and congratulations on 900 days sober.

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

[greeneyes]

WOW... you cannot believe how that gets to me. I'm all nervous about Lenair ror some reason and that juts ring my bell... Thank you, thank you and congratulations.

[time2change]

Neil
Congratulations on 900 days. Thank you for sharing your milestone with all of us at MWO. It is true that none of us want to hear that this will be a long hard struggle, but the facts are the facts. What is important for all of us to know is that it can and has been done. Thanks for reminding us all that there is a great payoff for all the hard work. I look forward to celebrating 1000 days with you.

[tlrgs]

thank you ..neil.. what an awesome job way to go.. you are an inspiration to us all ..
peace , love and god bless

[Cinders]

Neil,

Thank you for checking in and giving us an update.

900 days is wonderful.

It is so heartening to hear that you consider yourself a non-drinker. Most of us are striving for that and sometimes it is hard to get your arms around. Your story helps us know that if we keep at it, we will get there mentally, too.

Hope the bad weather that keeps going off on my weather radio isn't hitting your area of TN.

Cindi

[flyinhigh]

Originally Posted by xtexan

This is dope pushing, pure and simple. Multi-million dollar dope pushing systems.

Neil- You write so beautifully, thank you so much for sharing. This point is one I took a particular intrest in. I am amazed how drinking is publicized and condoned here in the states. As a mother and a teacher, I am very concerned about how the youth of our world are being set up without much of a proper education of the harms of AL. I agree, it is a drug scam and the top dogs are raking it in!!! Thanks for calling like it is.....

I hope you are having a wonderful celebration and I look forward to celebrating your SOLID 1000!!!!!!