The Abstinence Pledge or ODAT?

[Janice]

Obviously we are all different and have to do what 'works' best for us, but I'd be interested to know from those people who have been AF for some time how you approached quitting. What worked best - ODAT or making a strong decision to quit for good?

I'm re-reading Sober for Good (Anne Fletcher) which covers this question.

I can really understand the ODAT approach afterall the toughest part of packing in is accepting the fact that our drinking days are over. But then we are left with the question "How long will I quit for?" and do the cravings stay alive as long as that unconscious question has not been answered??? Interesting eh? At the end of my 30 day goal last year, once I achieved it thats when drinking thoughts started coming back.

Personally, and this IS personally, I feel I need a commitment in front of me, I need discipline and I'm not so sure ODAT gives me that, to me I feel as if I'm saying "I'm not drinking today but I might drink tomorrow" and then I still have drinking thoughts going round my head. Does that make sense?

Would be good to hear your views and what works best for you as I say, especially the longtermers??

Thanks

Janicexxx
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[MDBiker]

Neither ODAT or “strong decision to quit for good?” were what made it possible for me to quit drinking. I made a strong decision to quit for good every day; or ODAT. EVERY day. It was always easy to quit, but staying quit was impossible for me. It was not until I decided I was going to do whatever it takes to get free of this albatross that I was able to finally let go.

When I reached that point I surrendered everything I thought I was to the realization that I could no longer continue in my Hell of alcoholism. I started calling Dr. I didn’t even know trying to find someone who would help me. I went for counsel with a Church of Christ preacher I had never heard of because he was the only one who could “see” me. For the first time in my life I started to admit to people how much I was really drinking. I threw myself on the mercy of the system and said, “I give”.

I finally found a Psychiatrist and he gave me some meds to help and started counseling me. I felt like crap but I was determined to do whatever he told me to do, and I did. I surrendered everything to the fact that I was out of control and was on the verge of dying. The first 30 days were hard. I wondered if I would make it. It took the first two months for me to get the Poisson out of my system and start sleeping (resting) and thinking.

By the 3rd month I was starting to feel civil. But of everything I couldn’t remember about drinking; I couldn’t forget the last time I drank and almost died. Anytime a thought about a drinking comes to mind the next thing in there is my last drunk. I never ever want to be in that position again. My life depends on it.

I am sober now 10 months and I don’t have any cravings at all. I go out with my friends and they drink and I could care less. I am a non-drinker. Period. They respect that and no one ever says anything about it. It has come to be accepted that when ordering for themselves, if they order for me, I get the sparkling water with a twist. I don’t like being around a bunch of drunks anymore, but I enjoy friends who drink normal and accept the new me.

If I were trying to pick out a word to describe why I am able to stay sober and my cravings are gone it would be SURRENDER. Quit trying to control something, which is uncontrollable. Become a new person. Drinking is not an option for me. Nothing is more important than my sobriety. NOTHING. Everything in my life I love and cherish would once again be nothing if I were drunk again. If I have to give up my job, my house, my car, even my wife; I must not drink. If I were to start drinking I would lose them all anyway. This sobriety is the kinder gentler way.

God Bless

bear

[MDBiker]

I do understand what you are saying about being at deaths door renegade. I wish I could have quit when I was still young and had some healthy time left to enjoy the sober life. I believe I had to spend a lot of time learning before I was able to start doing. The thing about this disease is that many people do die. From the alcohol, or from their own hand. The distance between someone who realizes they have a problem drinking and cannot stop; and someone who believes this life is not worth living, is not as far as you might think.

I wish you well

bear

[Janice]

Thank you so much for your thought provoking responses. Bear, your last paragraph hit the nail on the head for me.....that is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you all.... Janicexxx

[retteacher]

I feel I'd like to respond even though I don't have very much sobriety yet. I feel that (after 33 days AF), I'm starting to send myself the message that I am a non-drinker. I don't want to give myself the option of drinking. Maybe ODAT was for me when I was in the white-knuckle stage. But now that I've gotten alcohol out of my system, I'm thinking about a future wo/it. I too try to remember my worst moments when any kind of a trigger or urge strikes. Mary

[charlee]

I haven't really thought about my status. Non drinker, recovering alcoholic, just not drinking today, disease, brain malfunction...hmmmm food for thought. Not drinking just for today has worked for me so far..It has beat me, I surrendered, and just going day to day. I never want to forget my worst moment (s) though, cause I know that is one place I never want to be again!!!

[FallenAngel]

Hi Janice
I think for me, I used both. I made a commitment to myself that I was going to quit drinking & never have another drink, but to do that, I could only approach that goal ODAT. Sometimes I even have to take it hour by hour!
But as the days started to accumulate into months, I can now see my long term goals as becoming reality. I've been quit for a little over 7 months now... when I passed the 6 month mark, my sobriety seemed to settle in, and I have become more comfortable with myself & situations. I'm hoping that as time goes on it gets even better & that living sober will be how I want to live & will enjoy life fully as a non-drinker.

[Thankful]

Janice, wow this thread really is some food for thought.

When I came here a few short months ago, I was a mess. I thought I would never find a way to help me quit drinking. For years I told people that I wasn't an alcoholic, but I was a beeraholic. I still have hard liqour in my closet that literally is years old because I never would just drink anything. I guess in that respect I'm lucky.

I'm actually very lucky compared to some of the people here. As bad and as much as I drank, at least it was just beer. And for that I think it was easier for me to quit because when I had a bad craving in the beginning, I would just drink 1 or 2 non-alcohol beers. For some people, the NA beer doesn't help, but it really got me through. Some people have their Topa and Camp, I had my NA beer instead. But I no longer even need that as a crutch. I have had only 1 and half of those in the past 11 days.

When I came here, I knew I needed to cut back on my drinking at home. I could go out to lunch or dinner and have 1 or 2 and go home and be done. But when at home, and surrounded by 4 other heavy drinkers, I always wanted a beer too. Just beer, but 1 easily turned in 10-15 by nights end.

So when I started I was advised here to try and get at least 30 days AF before I tried to mod. I figured I was here for advise, so I better do as they say. At the end of my 30 I was still unsure if I would mod yet. I was just too scared to try. During the next 30 day stint, I continued to research as much as I could on what alcohol does to the brain and body over the years. I slowly came to the conclusion that I never want that poisen in my body again. NEVER. Will I ever slip? God knows, but I hope not. I've just come to the conclusion that for all the bad it causes, is one or two drinks really gonna make me feel like a responsible adult? Probably not. My heart aches for so many here who state they hope they can get to the point of having just 1 or 2 then stop. I think to myself, why are you hoping you get to the point were you can start "responsibly poisoning" your body again? I think one of the tricks to quitting is to educate one's self on what they really are doing to their bodies. Some people just don't want to know, but I tell you it will scare you straight. The good news is it's all reversible (if you quit).

I know this long post probably does not answer your question. But I know that when I came to the conclusion that I was too scared to mod and AF was for me, all it took was another day or two to set my mind to AF and the cravings stopped. The obsessing of alcohol stopped. I may have started out one day at a time to get to that first 30, but it is the ABs pledge that keeps me sober. I hope that helps.

Love, Me

[tlrgs]

hi there.. for me the saying ODAT alpies to all of the way that iam doing .because yes i still have craving for al but some what got a handle on it and for me there is no mod because one will lead to 23456789 and so on.to the point living with this al problemis a daily thing.and thinking before and when the craving comes .reading way more then i have to. to learn the best way out for me PS BELIEVING IN THE SPIRIT OF GOD HELPS

[MyOwnWoman]

Thank you Janice, for this thread.
And THANK YOU Bear, for your reply. I'm yet again facing the seriousness of my drinking. I've cut back to less than half my past quantity, but have just realized it is still too much. And reading what you've written is a tremendous inspiration and help. Yes, I must change who I am. Not be a drinker who has decided to not drink - I need to be a non-drinker. Plain and simple.

And Janice, for me, ODAT for me gave me an excuse to say "Well, I didn't say it would be forever" and come Saturday night I guzzle the wine. Though I do see it as a way to get through the singular days (especially the difficult ones) within the framework of "forever."

Thanks again for the thread. I'm determined to be AF this weekend. I am going to make a commitment to myself, and this conversation is very helpful.