On being reclusive

[momof3]

Hi Prodigal,

I think there might be an "alcohol" component to this (i.e., being in social situations without drinking), but it sounds like most of it is about every day "normal" person struggles.

Have you ever heard of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)? You can Google it and gets lots of information. Here's a wiki link:

Myers-Briggs Type Indicator - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Basically it is a personality assessment that looks at your personality or MBTI type. One of the dimensions is Introverts vs. Extraverts. Introverts are described as those who have a rich inner life, prefer to be alone to "recharge" and find it tiring to be in social situations for long periods of time. It's not that they don't like people; rather they want and need lots of alone time. They also prefer one-on-one or small group conversations over large social gatherings.

They are also more inclined to be reflective thinkers and don't need to "think aloud" like extraverts do. Extraverts dominate conversations. Introverts listen. Extraverts get energized by being around people. Introverts can find extraverts extremely draining. Unfortunately, many of us are socialized to be "extraverts" even when it does not come naturally to us.

Anyhow, sounds like you're an introvert. Sounds perfectly normal to me.

M3

[Prodigal Son]

Hi M3, thanks for that. Think the introverts rich inner life is me. I have great conversations with myself, I make myself laugh more than anyone else can & I often have solo pep talks that help me to excel at what I do. I've scored ISTP in a Myers Briggs test, which explains a few things.

You're right in that society & the media tends to herd us all toward being extroverted. So I believe many other introverts have/are using alcohol to numb the sensation of being in an ill fitting mould. I'm in my mid forties now & have drank since late my late teens. I guess part of recovery is sorting out that stuff long neglected, & being OK with ones own nature.

[momof3]

So true, So true.

And, as I recall, the ISTP type in particular is a very small segment of the population.

M3

[looking for peace]

Dear PS and others, I wish I could be more like you. I get very lonely when I'm by myself. I feel like I need to have a steady stream of plans. We moved to a new city last year and at 49, without little kids, it's hard to meet new people and get invited out by other couples. I miss that alot, although it hasn't been great lately when I want to stay AF. I even find myself to be really jealous when I hear about others' great weekend plans, when I have none.

I've tried to delve into meditating lately...... too scary.... to much quiet time. I don't want to give up on it though, because it's the one thing that may help me eventually enjoy my own company. Any hint on being more like you guys?

[momof3]

Peace,

It sounds like you like being around people.

There's nothing wrong with that. Have you tried a book club? Other clubs/hobbies? Gym? Church groups? Hanging out in a coffee shop?

M3

[looking for peace]

Mo3 , Thanks for the advice.... I do have some clubs that I am involved with and some are quite nice. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin, by myself. I'm the type of person that needs the TV going all the time for the "company". This thread was great for me because, it really got me to examine my need to be entertained all the time.

I excersize at a health club for the company, I can't even do one of the 20 or so dvd's I have at home by myself. I really need some "alone" time.

[Prodigal Son]

Another invitation. I've tried to be honest, but it's a very hard concept for some people to understand. Even for somebody I've known for years. I seem to be messing up more relationships now I'm sober. I will attempt to explain it better to her next time we talk.