Crazy Time

[Java]

I am away from home right now at a training class for my job. In this class I have a roomate, and I had one for the first two weeks I was here, and now I have one for the remainder of my stay, which is the last two weeks I am here.

My first roommate was very sheltered, and definitely not harmful at all to my new sober lifestyle, but I got a new one the other day. This one showed up drunk, and has been drinking since she got here with all the rest of the group. They have all been partying the whole time they have been here, but I have avoided that crowd, not for fear that I would give in, but out of disgust for them. They show up for class everyday feeling like shit. I don;t miss that feeling.

I came back to my room this afternoon and once again had to clear away the beer cans from my room, and clean up some of the mess left behind, and I realized exactly how far I have come( i have gone from dreading the day I would have to quit drinking, to being disgusted by it). I am 65 days AF right now, and I have no urge to join the crowd, they try to act like they are having fun, and they brag about how much they can drink, then spend all day complaining about how bad they feel, only to repeat the process yet again.

Just a short time ago, I was the one doing that, and the one wondering what the heck I had done, and what I would regret, and what I was going to do to feel better, but then go and do the same thing over again. There are others here who dont drink or dont want to hang out with them, or that group of people, and all they do is talk about all the stupid stuff they did the night before. I am extremely satisfied knowing I am at peace tonight with where I am.

I am only barely into this process, and I have a long way to go, and I still have my moments. I am far from cured; but it is definitely and eye opening experience to see what you once acted like or somewhat like from a different perspective. We all have our memories of what we have done, and memories of stupid crap I have said keep me away from that stuff whenever the thought enters my head, but this was a whole other level...I kind of feel sorry for them, if that makes any sense?? I dont know, but this has been interesting.

Victoria

[Beaches]

Nice job Victoria, you have come a long way and hey, make that roomie pick up her own beer cans

You should be very proud and it is nice to be reminded of where we don't want to be again.

take care

[xtexan]

Good for you Victoria!

A lot of us can identify with your situation there.

It is quite perceptive of you to make those observations about them the day after. It is useful for me to concentrate hard on the memory of being absolutely miserable in my hangovers from the past.

You hang in there. Whoever is doing the training for your new job, will be keeping an eye on more than just your class exams or whatever method they use. I would bet that they are going to be making notes, mental or otherwise on attitude and demeanor. Sober is better.

Also, being sober and clear headed will give you the edge over the competition. Even now for me, as my senses get sharper, I am noticing that things in the workplace that used to bog me down, are coming with new swiftness and ease.

You are headed for a better life, and I know you have the strength and resolve to make it happen.

Neil

[katesm]

Hey Victoria,

Well done to you. Recognising the traps and pitfalls of an addiction is a sublime thing. Understanding how it affects you is empowering,

You chose to see your friend's habits as a downfall, not a bonus. This only accentuates how you really feel about alcohol. It's not a bonus. You know it does crazy stuff to you. And it's way better left alone.

Good for you!

Kate.

[Changeling]

Interesting observations Victoria.
since getting sober I take delight in watching the behavour of others, it is incredible how they change after a few drinks.

At my golf club the drinking is almost more important than the golf.
People turn up for golf hung over, hands shaking, eyes red, etc, play badly and then run into the bar to top themselves up.

Glad you are doing so well - still remember you at the begining and you have come so far.
I'm on day 81 today and feeling really positive and clear.
Best wishes
Changeling

[irishlady]

I would like to add my congratulations as well Victoria, you have come a long way..
I bet at the start of this journey of yours you would have looked at those people and felt envious, wanting to join in with them, but now you see things clearly, there has been a change in your thinking pattern, and like a lot of us on here, you have learned to see beyond those first two or three drinks, you can now see the next days hangover, the fogged mind, the worry and stress trying to remember if you did anything stupid the night before...

I would bet a pound to a penny that many of those people looking at you ENVIED you, and would have swapped places in a second......

Keep up the good work, we're very proud of you...

Love, Louise xxx

PS... Sorry Changeling, we were posting at the same time, CONGRATULATIONS ON 81 DAYS AF... WAY TO GO...

[Bella]

Wow Victoria, i bet you feel good! yes i have to agree, you should feel sorry for them, maybe one day they will see the light like you have done. You should be very proud of yourself as you now respect yourself. Fantastic. B

[traderged]

thats fantastic victoria,you just gave me some much needed strength,do you take all the meds etc?

[Breez]

Great job Victoria-see how much you've grown? You ought to be very proud of yourself! Great going!

[southernbelle47]

Victoria,

I remember when you first came here...how much you wanted to be sober!
Give yourself a gold star!

Love,
Nancy