How well do we know ourselves?

[katesm]

Hello my superfantasticwayouttherefriends!!

How well do we know ourselves?

I like to think I know myself really well. I know how I react to pressure, to cumbersome duties, to general stuff.

I know I react differently to most others in the face of compliments, or in the sense that people think I am better than I think I am. I have no doubts about my abilities, but I intensely dislike anyone bringing them to the fore. I also know enormously well, my weaknesses. I also dislike anyone bringing them to the fore. So, a contrary person I am.

I like to be recognised for whatever good I may do, but I can't accept gracefully. I will happily handball the accolades to anyone else involved, regardless of the contribution. If there is a problem though, I will take everything on my own back. I will scream and fight and froth at the mouth, to find a resolution. And trust me, a resolution I will find.

Which brings praise. A thing I can't live with.

Makes me shudder, this praise thing. So, as you can see, I still have lots of work to do.

How well do I know myself? I know that unless I learn to be comfortable within my own boundaries, I will never be totally well.

I need to accept myself, the good and the bad, and raise a glass of iced tea and say, "Hey Kate, you're a pretty good person".

And respond with, "Yeah, I'm not bad, am I?". And smile!

Perhaps this may bring me peace? Because I truly think too hard about things, when quite often the reverse is needed. To not overthink things?

Oh man, I'm waaaaay too complicated....or simple!

But how well do you know yourself?? And how does acknowledging, or perhaps resisting those parts of you, affect your life?

[xtexan]

Hi Kate:

You know I have written many times of the three guys. Drinking Neil, Sober Neil, and Child Neil.

Drinking Neil I know too well. He is a trickster, a con-man, and pretty much irresponsible goof. He always seems to come up with something new, in his attempts to wreck my life. Sober Neil is slowly but surely getting very wise to all the double-talking BS that Drinking Neil spouts off from time to time.

Child Neil, I forgot all about him. He was buried in earlier fights with Drinking Neil, as I thought he would not be of any help. Was I ever wrong. I have to really get to know him again, and find out the things he wants in order to be happy. Drinking Neil always had this knack for pleasing Child Neil by acting goofy, and letting him get into trouble.

Sober Neil, now that is the guy I am astounded by. He is changing and growing and expanding every day now. He is not frozen in misery and wallowing in self-pity like Drinking Neil used to do so much. Sober Neil is the guy writing this, and is getting a new perspective on things all the time. Drinking Neil only had one perspective, and that was the world as a drunk.

So, do I know myself? Let's just say that compared to a year ago, I know myself better than ever. All three of us. The three of us living in this skin together.

Be well.

Neil

[tea]

Great thread Kate,

I can be equally strong willed & weak willed, soft hearted and hard faced, assertive & submissive oh I could go on and on. Hoping to get to know the 'real' me as I have been working on 'me' for a whiley now, trying to be truthful to my own feelings (to thyne own self......), to speak my own truth as I see it without fear of what other people think.. A journey worth taking I think.

Looking forward to others posts on this too.

Lorna

[katesm]

Hi Neil, Hi Tea!

Okay, so we accept that we have different personalities floating around inside of us.

Sometimes we're good, and sometimes we're not so good.

But how does this affect us. In our everyday lives?

I know, for example, that I can turn on sober Kate, at the drop of a hat. I keep child Kate very well hidden. Child Kate quivers with all her insecurities. Something I'm working on.

But drinking Kate can eclipse everything. Drunk Kate can do whatever she wants, because she has no compunction. She has no desire to be what others want her to be. She lives in a world of what suits her, because she has no definition of anything else.

Sober Kate rebels.

"This is NOT me".

"This is not who I am".

Finding the person who is brave enough to recognise our innermost self, is a blessing.

This person is simply a part of us, a part of us that took a lot of getting used to. We spent way too much time with a shadow of ourselves.

And sobriety brings out the good in us. The better part of us. The part of us that weeps with frustration, and cries in despair? We are there to deal with it. We have found the answer, and it lies within all of us. We are able to help ourselves, because we are what matters. Child Kate, sober Kate and Drunk Kate are just whispers of who I am.

They take up much of my life, and I'm happy to deal with them.

I would much rather deal with sober Kate, than deal with child or drunk Kate. Sober Kate can kick the crap out of any other Kate.

I, just quietly, will happily sit behind the fighter.

Because she's good.

[southernbelle47]

Good question.
Just when I think I have me all figured out, something changes!
We are all a storehouse of everything that has ever happened to us.
We may try to pretend it is not true or try to forget but the only way to make anything change is to bring out all "the stuff" and deal with it.
I'm surprised at times about some of the things that I think I've grieved over and think I've gotten past.

How does it effect my everyday life?
It sure keeps me busy! But the good news is....I don't have nearly as much "stuff" as I used to! And I'm not so much focussed on ME all the time. I'm not as "needy" as I used to be.

Life is a journey.
Nancy