A moment of madness.

[katesm]

Hi folks,

I remain here, because this is where I choose to be. I made a bad decision, but I'm sure you will forgive me and understand that I jumped on it straight away and took care of things the best way I knew how.

Today, at 4 months sober, I can again smile.

It took a long time.

But I did it. I did not go down into that chasm that I was sure was waiting for me. I absolutely knew if I didn't do something immediately, I would slink off into the netherworld.

I hope this can help someone who makes a bad decision know that it's not a case of "well I screwed up, so I may as well do it good and properly".

It doesn't need to be that way. I jumped on it furiously. I took admittedly extreme measures, but there was no way I was going back to January 2006.

And I learned a lot. I mean in the physiological sense. Ahhhh, knowledge! And how little I knew. I thought I had researched everything imaginable about alcoholism or problem drinking. I didn't know half of it.

I was lucky enough to encounter a gentleman who is a recovering alcoholic, who went ahead to do a psychology degree, and a Phd in alcohol councelling. He's been sober for 22 years. Man, this guy is incredible.

He takes words out of my mouth. Or possibly he's putting his words in my mouth? Whatever!

He is funny, incredibly intelligent and enormously empathetic. We talk about the four pillars. This is something that I need to explain in detail and won't do now, because this is just me getting to know you again. But the four pillars concept is something we should all get to know. It's about areas of our life and how they can cripple us if we let them. Big stuff.

Saved my sanity.

Anyways guys, I'm happy to be back, to be sober, and to be with you.

I've just gotta figure out what happens when I get to 12 months again?

Neil, do you do a recurring SOLAR ORBITER STATUS?

Please advise.

Sincerely,

Kate.

[weemelonhead]

Dear Kate......bless you chicken.....I have been awol for a while, and so am not aware of your ups and downs, but after reading your post, am sooo glad to hear that the ups definitely keep the stronger hand.
You're so right too, to realise that bad decisions do not have to dictate the pattern for the rest of your life....you know this anyway as a very deep thinking and thoroughly inspirational member of mwo, and your friend sounds as though he is opening up even more areas of fantastic positive thought for you.
I would be really interested to read through any info on the four pillars when you feel like you've settled back in enough to be able to share this. Is this it's 'official' name???

The sun orbits non stop...if there was a blip, it could mean the end of the universe...luckily, WE are ALWAYS able to restart the processes in our own private universes.....a distinct advantage I'm sure we all agree.......

Keep circling dear.......
Much love and admiration for your honesty and strength
Weemelon xx

[slightlysuze]

Nice to meet you, Kate.....I'd like to hear the four pillars stuff too.

Suze x

[katesm]

Hey Wee,

You need to read "Ooops" in GD. My downfall. My bad decision.

Did so many extreme months sober and blew it in one night - but I jumped on it the very same night.

Booked myself in to a "wellness centre" - just a cute term for rehab.

Didn't want to go back to ugly.

Harsh stuff, but hugely enlightening.

I actually feel quite free.

And best of all, my kids think I'm the ants pants. (I imagine they thought I would travel down that awful path again, so they were very proud that I jumped onto something immediately.)

Thanks for your reply Wee, and good to see you back.. (I didn't actually know you hadn't been here, because I haven't either, but hey!, that's what happens!)

[katesm]

Hi Suze,

I'll scan the stuff and put it up here.

Really, really interesting stuff.

And little old egocentric me thought I knew it all!

How wrong I was.

Be strong,

Kate.

[weemelonhead]

Thank you deary...I'll go to 'Ooops'.......
And of COURSE your children think you are the ants pants, the bees knees and the dogs trouser addendums...............there's nothing mystical about it...
You just bally well ARE!!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[lushy]

I admire the hell out of you Kate. I really do.

[katesm]

Awww Lushy, I admire the hell out of you too.

Good deserves good.

And we are good.

[Flip]

Hi Kate, great to see you and I'm looking forward to listening and hearing to what you have to share with us. I'm sitting at 11 months sober, so keen to learn everything I can to stay this way.

[Mags]

Kate
What a great post - you sound so happy and alive and feeling free! You are the greatest. Congratulations and i wish you all the success and strength in the world. Way to go!