Once an alcoholic

[drylifeahead]

Mario, it's sometimes hard for me to accept what you are saying as the truth.
The Beast still tries with me...brings my thoughts back to memories of when I was drinking, and having such a great time. Countless laughs, silliness...

But it got to the point of evenings ending in anger..a word taken the wrong way, and tears
flowing. Memories of hurtful words and actions I have to beat that Beast down with. Winding up having to drink alone and hide it...or try to, so less bad things happen.

It bugs me I have to bring up those terrible memories to kill the craving/urge for 'just one'.
It seems every week that goes by that it is getting easier to accept that no matter what I
am just going to grab for a non alcoholic drink.

Each night when I lay down to go to sleep I feel how happy and sober I am, and that I will wake up in the same frame of mind and feeling and I am so thankful for that.

Anxiety still overcomes me if I overthink it. So I do my best not to. ODAT. Sometimes an hour.
I am an alcoholic, and thankfully I've come to truly realise it and come to terms with it.
And DO something about it.
I will always be an alcoholic, and as retteacher said in a post not too long ago that hit home with me "He might be scared, but I've found him very, very patient. Stay vigilant."
The Beast in me is scared, I can be too, so I'm staying vigilant.

DLA

[lilmea]

Mario,

Your post is absolutely true. All of it. For me anyway. I didn't stand a chance at any kind of normal life untl I was totally honest with myself that I couldn't drink and committed 100% to sobriety.

[jada]

The past with AL may have seemed like great times and laughs but there is no reason why the future AF can't be happy, with laughter, joy and great times. It's your frame of mind that will bring the good.

[Starlight Impress Forever]

Indeed mario........I consider that the alcoholic now lies dormant within me for all time.

Perhaps that is why we use the term `recovery`.........we are recovering from the adverse effects of something that made us ill in many respects, and like any illness.........if we expose ourselves to that which (i.e. alcohol) caused us to become ill in the first place, we will certainly become ill all over again.

It takes considerable time for the majority of alcoholics, resistant as they are, to accept this truth, but truth it is.

Raising that first drink to my lips would destroy all my hard work to date.........I will never be as foolish as to raise that first glass. I like where I`m at now and I truly no longer miss alcohol and all the s*** that goes with it.

Star x

[momof3]

Originally Posted by mario

In my opinion once an alcoholic always an alcoholic, never better.
We can never recapture the good times of the past, they are gone forever,
Also for the majority of abusers moderation is an unrealistic goal, merly wishful
thinking that you can control it.

For the first several months after I quit drinking, I used to think that the "good times" were over. I no longer feel that way. I realize that many of those times were not authentic because they were fueled with alcohol and a false sense of myself.

[Raven.joy]

It took a lot to accept it, but have finally done it. For so long I thought it was bad habits i could break or change. But I know better now, its like something between an allergic reaction and an abusive relationship. You can't ever look back.

[boozehag]

I agree with Starlight the alcoholic in me is dormant now and it will stay that way as long as I dont poke a stick at it.
M

[Raven.joy]

Its good to know its possible to get there.

[mario]

Originally Posted by Raven.joy

Its good to know its possible to get there.

Of course its possible raven joy,lots of people here have done it. but nothing is as simple as we would hope it to be.

[Hefty]

Mate alcohol will always there in the background like a silent thief stalking and waiting