Ever wish you could take something you said back

[more2life]

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could Immediately take the words back...Or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in towand asked loudly, 'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?' I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word ... he knew better.SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls.' THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.' My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok . I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!' The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of l aughter.FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stoppe d at TacoBell for a quick lunch, in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said 'No'. I kept thinking 'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.' Then I said,'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?' 'No,' he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting w orse. Soooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks,and yelled, 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a ver y embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any? We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: 'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

[Lila]

Is this true? I was laughing all day about the last one!

[madeline]

I heard this one from a friend

'I was 16 years old and had taken a job at the local mom and pop pizza place, I was in charge of making the dough and occasionally making pizzas. This very cute guy from my school was a regular there and always would wave to me and say hi. A couple of months go by and I got promoted to cashier, so one day the guy came in. He asked me how I liked being up front on the cash register, instead of making the dough. And I said "I love it, not when I go home at night I don't have to deflour myself!"

Thought it seemed right for this thread

[tlrgs]

thank you girl love it LMAO

[SKendall]

Thanks for the smile

[Bluey]

Thanks for that More2! Loved the bank scenario with the kissing daddy's pee-pee last night!

My butcher and I have a 'thing'. I always have to say "do you have chicken legs" and he always has to look at each leg individually and say 'no, just my own'.........oh well, I suppose I am keeping an old man happy!

[IAD]

Yep....done that ! Ha! IAD.

[Rusty-576]

thanks so much for the laugh, I am a hairdresser and I cannot tell you haw many people have asked for a blow job lol

[rubywillow]

Many, many moons ago I was in college before the advent of blow dryers, flat irons, hot curlers, etc. Many girls had wigs for those times we didn't have hours to get ready. One late night just before curfew I was walking toward the dorm and saw one of my dormmates returning from a date with a very puzzled looking guy. I noticed she had her hair pinned up and flattened down in a strange, haphazard way. She kissed her date goodnight, then walked into our community room while I lingered outside a while. Suddenly I heard screams and shouts, and the girl came flying out the door, holding her head, and followed by several other girls. She dashed over to the huge magnolia tree where she had been smooching with her new fella, and came out holding what looked in the dark like a dead animal. It was her wig, which had hung on the branches during her tryst. We never saw him again.