Other important issues

…Recognizing that you have a problem is a huge step, and admitting it to others -- even in an anonymous setting like this -- takes a tremendous amount of courage.

Just know that there are many others facing the same struggle you are, and some of us find a way to work through it. So far, this program is helping me a lot. Today is my 8th day sober and I haven't felt this good in a long time. And hopefully this is just the beginning. You'll find a lot of support here, so keep reading -- and writing too, when you feel the urge or the need.

I wish you the best. You're not in this alone.

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mikeupnorth

Anyone located in Sydney? Would love to hear from you.

Like some of you I'm still waiting on all my vitamins and supplements from the US. I had my doctor's appointment on Friday and it was such a relief, he was great. I gave him all the information and he's reading it over the weekend. Fingers crossed I can pick up my prescription tomorrow. Surprisingly I decided to tell my mum and sister that evening and they were so great about it all. I have the most loving family and I feel so much better for it.

I can't wait to get started and have been reading this board for a few weeks now. You're all fantastic in my eyes and very motivating.

If anyone is interested, I have added acupuncture to the program for me. The main thing I have found is it relaxes you a lot and generally makes you feel better about yourself (even though I'm still currently drinking). I don't feel as tense and angry. Instead of hating myself so much, I can separate my behaviour from me as a person.

Basically what it does is redirects your energy back to where it's been lacking in your body, sort of evens everything out. It doesn't hurt and you feel really calm afterwards. It also tells the acupuncturist what parts of the body are not well and needs treating. I also didn't feel the desperate need to have a drink once 5pm hit, lasted until 7pm. That's good for me. Again, I haven't received any of my supplements or Topa, but I can see the acupuncture will assist...

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Rails33


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You absolutely need to buy the book. MWO is a holistic program that needs to be understood in totality for you to get the most out of it. Trying to do it without the book is a little like driving from LA to New York on back roads without a map. Yeah, you might get there eventually, but it would be a hell out of a lot faster if you take the interstate.

And RJ is as far from preachy as a human being can get. I think that's part of why we are all so drawn to her approach. Her story is extremely moving, and her approach extremely practical.

The hypno tapes are kind of one of those 'you just got to experience them' kind of things. They are extremely relaxing, good anxiety releasers and helpful at grounding your desire to manage your drinking. James (the hypnotherapist) takes a little getting used to, but you come to look forward to his voice.

As for which medication (if any for some people) you choose, that is clearly a personal choice. But I think you are short changing yourself to try and make that choice without having read the book. I personally am taking Topa and find the side effects completely manageable. I'm in my fifth week, and they are almost completely gone.

Clearly, I have a point-of-view on this, but I feel this therapy has been extraordinarily successful for me, and I see no reason for people not to try and follow it as closely as they can (at least at first) until they discover what works best for them and adapt as required.

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HadEnough

I have been meaning to update my topa situation. As I said, I started the rest of the program without it and when it arrived I had the stye in my eye. I wanted that to go away before I started. Like a lot of others, it scares me a lot. Having been a raging drinker for many years, I know well my patterns and behavior. I can feel a bender coming on like sometimes your knees know its going to rain. So now, instead of taking the topa regularly, I take it only when I feel the monster rearing its ugly head. Previously, that would have been about everyday at around 5:00. But with the hypno, supps and excersise, I am able to keep him much more caged and sedated. So I have only taken the topa 3 times in the past 2 weeks. I can almost instantly feel the craving disappear. For about an hour, it makes me feel strange in a way I can not describe. A little nauseous and fuzzy headed. But it has worked all three times. I am by no means reccomending that anyone else take it this way, but its working for me. It could be in my head but I do feel those physical effects also. I am 7 weeks into the program and have had 4 slip ups. Each one was major and taught me something. Each in a different way. I really believe in this program. I just feel like you need to use each element as the best tool you can. It is said time and time again, but you do get your life back. I am 41 and its kind of like having my "true" self for the first time. Being capable of not drinking is making me feel capable of so much more now. I have always been told that I have "so much potential" not in a "you are a big, huge, waste- case loser" way (though, that may be how it should have been) but in a "artistic talent" way. I am finally realizing that I am capable of realizing my potential and it feels freaking amazing. Thanks for letting me babble on.

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Ready2BDone

I'm starting a new thread because I want as many people to see it as possible! I just got back from my doctor (gyno!) and immediately told her about my drinking. I was scared to death, sweating with anxiety and near tears. She immediately agreed to prescribe Campral (!) and then looked up at me from her prescription pad and said,

"You know, Ann, for me I have found AA to really work. I"ve been in recovery for a couple of years now!"

Can you imagine? She did not push AA, and she was quite interested in MWO, and was completely supportive of me. She, too, has a young daughter (11) and said it was because of her daughter that she decided "enough already." She commented that in her daughter's school they talk about the dangers of drugs and alcohol, so at that point she knew she had to quit, because her daughter had gotten very scared her mom would die.

She also commented that this is a disease of isolation, and one of the best things you can do is be with others, esp those who share the same issues.

Anyway, my point here is that you never know how your doctor will react, and there is always the chance he or she will understand! I am so relieved and somehow feel this helps me take ownership of this problem in a way that I couldn't before.

Thank you all for your encouragement. I'm not sure I would have brought it up without all of your comments!

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mollysdream

I have lost about 12 pounds in as many weeks and seem to be stabilizing which is just about right for me. First I was actually hungrier, just like Roberta said in the book. But I think I eventually lost the weight because of a combination of things like laying off the booze and working out. I didn't have quite as big an appetite either. I eat normally, maybe smaller amounts and I just don't crave the sweets too much. I don't think you have to worry about loosing too much weight. I love my new weight!!

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debbi

Wow, three replies thus far to my post, and all three moms of children with special challenges. Coincidence? I think not. I would love to see research done on subject of parents of disabled children and the incidence of alcoholism - I have a feeling it's considerably higher than the average. I know the divore rate is as high as eighty percent. It's the fact that the stress is chronic and endless, it seems to me. I so agree with what was said about trying to stay "in the present" because I can make myself sick with worry about my son's future. The trick is to stay aware of the many blessings I have TODAY. I'm working on that, and I do think I'm making some progress. Easier said than done! Thanks again,

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AllegraB

There seems to a "bipolar" syndrome of sorts amongst spouses/SOs when it comes to us. They are either a) the very first to tell you we have a significant problem with alcohol and are begging (or threatening) us to stop, or b) behaving like the most agile and adept of ostriches and pretending like there's no problem at all. Mine is of the former variety, so I'm not terribly familiar with the latter. Are they truly oblivious and frankly just that naive? Or, do they know the truth, but are scared to admit it to you, themselves, or both of you that they know the truth?

But, you know what? It doesn't matter. What matters is you know the truth. You came to this discussion forum because you know the truth. You have a problem with alcohol, you can't control it and you want to control it. This is what is important. It helps, of course, to have a spouse that supports you in your quest to become sober, but ultimately, it's you that has to live through the cravings, deal with the anxiety and generally cope with all of the assorted emotions this journey will bring.

Like you, most of us would be considered "closet alcoholics." It's our own 'dirty little secret' that we have done such a good job of concealing from the world. In most cases our dearest friends would go slack jawed if someone suggested we have "a drinking problem." Such is the stigma of this problem that we feel such an intense need to dutifully and painstakingly hide it. We stash our beer and wine bottles under soda and water bottles in the recycling bin to hide it. We have a few 'extra' drinks before we go out so we can look like moderate drinkers when we're with friends to hide it. We chew a lot of gum to mask the smell of alcohol on our breath to hide it. We do anything to hide it.

I've flirted with the idea of writing a book called "The Alcoholic Next Door" because like the 'girl next door' we are as seemingly normal and well adjusted as the rest of the world. But, we're not, and we give off the signals we're not if someone is willing to pick them up. And if you pick them up, you can begin to help them, even if they aren't ready to quit, and even in the subtlest of ways.

I have a friend who is a problem drinker. I know because being one myself I am picking up the signals. She is jealously guarded about it, so we don't talk about it. But she is also an older athlete and osteoporosis runs in her family. I told her I was taking Iso-Soy to support bone mass and suggested she should try it. But the purpose of my suggestion was twofold. Not only will the Iso-Soy help her maintain bone mass, but also the daidzin in it may unknowingly cut back her desire for alcohol. Sneaky, I grant you, but just waking up with a greater than 500 batting average without a hangover may help her realize just how great not drinking (or at least drinking less) is. If it works, great, if not, at least she's supporting her bone structure.

Problem drinkers are a little bit like jigsaw puzzles. We are individual pieces with our own shapes, but when you put it all together, we form the same picture. You've come to a good place quasicon. We share and empathize with what you are going through.

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HadEnough

I understand your frustration. I feel like I've let myself down a couple of times since starting this program too. A couple of (almost) random thoughts about it:

-- It helps to take some time and remember why you are doing this. To sort of "recommit" yourself to the process, no matter what it takes. Decide that this IS going to work for you, and that you'll stick it out. "Don't give up if you slip up."

-- I think the meds, supplements and hypno definitely help, but we are so used to thinking about drinking that it takes a while to retrain ourselves. It can help to distract yourself with other activities during times you know you'll be tempted to indulge. Plan to see a movie with a friend. Go for a bike ride or a walk. Start a project. Get a new hobby. Anyway we have to find ways to fill our time that used to be filled by drinking. It's important NOT to isolate.... that is one of our tendencies as problem drinkers, and it only makes matters worse. Three things that I have found helpful: 1. Being around other (sober!) people. 2. Talking about it. 3. Physical activity.

And kudos to you for coming online and sharing how you feel. Many of us have been there and know how frustrating it is. Hang in there, and good luck to you.

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mikeupnorth

While I can't improve on Mike's good suggestions, I'd just like to offer a few words of encouragement for you. I can tell from your posts that you're a very thoughtful, bright person and you deserve to be the person that you want to be.

You said something in your last post about finding alternative replacements for drinking that I think lots of us can relate to and it was: "there's nothing that I really love".

I used to have a yellow lab who was passionate about tennis balls and would actually envy him, wishing that I had something in my life that could fill me with the same mad, driven devotion and energy.

Later, a large, gentle, mellow dog came into my life. This guy loves to lie on the deck and stare at the mountains...can do it for hours. Since he's not an antic dog, there's no display of passion as there was with the retriever...no outward signs to tell me that his happiness meter is registering 100%.

This makes me wonder about human beings. Does the marathon runner have something she loves more than the woman who meditates? Do we think the person who's working on a cure for cancer loves what he's doing more than the guy who's tutoring kids in a reading program? Do we make unfair judgments about such things?

So what I'm asking you is this: when you say there's nothing that you really love.... do you really mean that? Or is it that society, or your husband, or all the messages that you've received over the years from family, friends, movies, TV, suggest that you what you love isn't important or significant enough?

I bet if you sat down and made a list of all the things you love, you'd have a long, long list. I'm guessing that you've been underestimating yourself because I sense you're really a powerful human being.

So make that list...after all, it'll keep you busy at 5:00 pm. Your list will start with the usual things, but keep going until you're putting down all kinds things...cantalopes, seashells, zebras. Sit on it for awhile and then when you look it over see what jumps out at you. Maybe it's "zebras". Does your city have a zoo? Did you know that zoos have docents that lead people on tours? If you take the docent training program you'll learn tons about animals and meet other people with the same interests....and so on and so on...and somewhere along the line you'll find yourself saying "I love this".

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carmen840