Hi All tis glad again

Yesterday was rock bottom for me. I just wanted to kill myself as I felt my children would be better off without me. I told my now ex-husband (as a result of my drinking) that he could have them which is not at all like me (I have fought for my youngest's life for the past 4 years).

I know I have a big problem and I really want to quit. I drink every day from when I get up in the morning til I pass out at night, usually after spending no quality time with the kids. What sort of a mother is that, who even drives under the influence daily with her 4 precious babies in the car?

Each day I drink around the equivalent of 8 - 12 8% mixers i used to drink beer but it wasn't enough in the end. I barely eat at all and have recently been having acid in my mouth all the time (a drink makes it go away). I am also constantly hungover and basically my life is in tatters and I am obviously in huge financial debt. Maybe suicide would be a good way out??

Glad,
Come on, if you love your kids you would never do that to them. I was feeling suicidal a few months back and posted about it. I was amazed to hear from so many members how they've been hurt in the past by suicide. It is not an answer, but an easy way out for you! If you are seriously considering harming yourself, please get help. Stop drinking, if you need to get your ex to watch the kids for a while and check youself into rehab, do that, whatever will help. You can beat this!

Marcie

Suicide is not the way out - you need to get a hold of yourself and seek professional help. My best friend just passed away unexpectedly. She was a very heavy drinker, loved the vodka - from when she awoke til she passed out - and she left behind her two year old son. (my godson) She died just before her 34th bday. I cannot tell you how that has ripped apart the lives she has left behind. My best friend used to talk the exact way you do - and now she is gone. I wish with all my heart that I had found this program before she left us but I didn't. Maybe this will help you though.

You are a good person - you just developed a strong habit - one that you can conquer! Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can get healthy. Don't give up your children or "give" them to your ex - they need their mother and you need them!

Use us here on the boards - that is what we are here for. Talk to me anytime - I am new at this program and I am very hopeful. I am on the verge of losing my marriage and I don't want that to happen. I have 2 beautiful daughters to think about. We can talk to each other....

You are worth everything to your kids. Get strong for them!

Maggie

Don't die yet. Stick with us.
I PROMISE YOU IT WILL GET BETTER.
There.
Don't leave us and we won't leave you.
I can't tell you how relieved I am that I chose life.
I really can't.
Helen

Glad -

You can see that a lot of us have felt the way you do; we can help with listening and understanding, but if you feel suicidal please get professional counselling. You need that kind of intense support and knowledeable help. Social worker, psychologist, help line - whatever you can find. If the first time doesn't feel right try a different place - cousellors aren't always the right fit, but that doesn't mean couselling doesn't work. Please do it!

Andrew

Hi Glad.

I can understand feeling suicidal. I have felt that way before in my life too, when I was divorced and totally alone to raise my daughter.

However, my mother's father committed suicide when my mom was six. The real and emotional damage it wreaked in her family (losing family house, whispers of neighbors that she didn't understand) ruined her life and it damn near ruined my life and the life of my sisters, as well. If you think it's only going to affect you and your kids might be better off without you, think again. It might effect your grandchildren and their children, as well. Suicide echoes down the generations.

If you care about your children, keep coming to this board for help with your drinking and seek the help of a qualified mental health professional or substance abuse specialist. You deserve the best of care. I'm sure that you have hard a very hard time of it. We will be here to support you, and I hope you will try to get better.

Kathy

Glad;

I'm a mother also, and the person that has kept me grounded is my child. I know at times I wished I could leave everything behind and stop the "Madness", but I wanna know that my child is being taken care of the way I intended the day I gave birth.

Please stick with us, and just keep posting and stay in touch with us. Marcie has really good advice, and I know she has been where you are. During that time she stayed on the boards and her and I had regular phone contact, I'm truly glad she is still here. I hope you will stay here also.


Brandy

hi glad...please please let this program help you help your self....There are lives here that have literally been transformed....your kids need you...as a mother of 2 i know how hard it can be....let us be here for you any time....it will get better...just open yourself up to the possibility..i know it sounds like magic and in a way it is...i am praying for you and know you can do it..xx red

Please, please, keep yourself safe. What you are feeling can and will pass, but your death will always affect your loved ones lives. I know you love and are loved...you are loveable, and important, and precious. Please call a hotline, or a crisis team, or tell your best friend what's going on. We love you and it will hurt so many people if you leave. I'm lighting a candle for you, Anni

Please, please, please.....dont leave your babies. God picked YOU!......to be their mom. There was a reason for that even if you dont see it. hang in there. gabby