Hi, want to introduce myself - long

I signed on last night as losing touch but for some reason now that I signed on as a registered (global) member (hope that wasn't a mistake - will someone please tell me?) - I had to change my user name.

I'm 50 years old, divorced 5 years ago, always drank since when I started it was age 18 and I went to a party university, one of the top 10.

I hooked up with a new partner about 2 1/2 years ago who was also a drinker/alcoholic - call it whatever - to me, it's just terminology. We thought we could help each other overcome drinking, went to AA, abstained, drank less - tried all that crap as well as some herbal stuff - no luck, yet. I am posting here and hope it is the right place.

I didn't always not have control over my drinking problem, but I always did have blackouts since college. But I got through my pregnancy with my daughter without drinking and also a few years when I didn't drink at all. Oh, yes, I had to come back to edit - I come from a family of alcohlics, my father, brother, paternal and maternal grandfathers and my Mom is a heavy drinker but probably not an alcoholic.

BUT now that I am older and menopausal I am losing more and more control. I got a DUI two years ago and that really made me start rethinking things - not changing things, just rethinking. I did an educational program that dropped it off my record - so I thought. Not really true, though - if you refuse a breathalyzer, it stays on there that you refused. Found that out from my insurance agent who is a splendid and understanding soul - fortunately my ins. co did not bother to do the same check or I would be SOL.

Spent money on an attorney, only refused the test because the arresting officer said I was going to lose my license anyway (he didnt tell me it was 3 or 6 months,so I lost it for 6 months).

Anyway, the new relationship has not proved beneficial, in fact, I think I might have started cleaning up my act sooner had I realized this. I can only be responsible for my own actions, not his. And it is getting unmanageable. I have my own home, a decent income but I cannot babysit a grown man in his 50's just because he is too lazy or ashamed to try. And that is where I am tonight. Tired of babysitting. I need to take care of myself. I am losing my family and friends because of my bad behaviors and they truly do love and support me. But my only daughter is now very cautious of being with me. This sounds like self-excusing crap as I re-read it, but after the divorce we were fine, she lived with me for 3 years while she went to college, then moved out of state to finish her degree. In the meantime, my partner and I got new pets and she got pets and they don't all get along. She has been staying with her father instead of me partly because of this. My ex is a bitter and verbally abusive man who cheated on me - but my daughter is getting an earful from him. Can anyone relate to this?

Is this the live chat room? Should I be elsewhere?

Well, I need to check out getting the necessary meds and vitamins, etc. and I appreciate the chance to tell my story.

I haven't hit rock bottom, thank the Lord, in spite of my user name but I feel I am teetering on the edge. The only thing that I seem to be really good at is my job - I'm a professional and I was lucky that to the best of my knowledge my company didn't find out about the DUI.

Thank you for bothering to read/listen to my diatribe.
Before It Is Rock Bottom

Well, I'm drunk and this will be short. This board is NOTHING LIKED the ones I am acquainted with. I had to rechoose my username three freaking times. Blame it on the alcohol but there is something flawed it in that. Why could I not use my original sign on name?. Of course; it cannot be that this website is all it is cracked up to be. Let me tell you. Atkins has constant real-live interacdtion and this is a poor substitute.

e. It is NOT user friendly, there seems to be NO CHAT board which I logged onto and I was the only one there! Where the heck are you people? Even accepting time zone differences where the heck are you? I signed up fcr the total program and no reponses at all? I feel angry and degraded, and forget the aocoohol that I drank. ( (4 glasses of chradonney).

Hi Before,
Sorry you've had trouble with your sign on. I guess I haven't noticed any problems with this site. I hope you will stay with us and jump into the program. It can really help if you are ready to change.


Marcie

Hi Before - I had to change my user name too. I had never visited a site like this before and goofed up on my sign in.
But now I find it to be okay to use.
Chat seems to ebb and flow.
Sometimes there are 4 or 5 chatting, sometimes none.
Mainly later at night, I find people there. About 10pm Ontario time. Whatever that is. Sorry.
Welcome aboard.
It's a tough road for all of us, but the support is great.
Take care,
Helen

Hi There,

So sorry to here you had trouble signing on. I must say I do think you made an exellent choice in realizing that you need to take of yourself, and can't be responible any longer for those of your partners. This site really is one of great support!!

So, I would like to welcome you to MWO and offer to you any support I can. Have you read the book yet? If not, you can down load it from the home page, or order it along with all of the supplements.

I have been on the program for 7 weeks now. I was in pretty bad shape when I arrived. I have been following the program to the letter since I began and have had great success. You can have the same, but it does take work!! Oh, I am also upto 250mg of topamax.

Again, Welome to MWO, and Best of Luck as you begin your journey!!

Donna

Welcome!
Don't let the techno details discourage you. You have come to the right place for support in your desire to change your alcohol habits. I do think it is easier to navigate the techno stuff sober, but that only comes from my own experience :( !! I also seem to send some pretty unusual emails when I have been drinking. Everything looks different with a bottle or two of wine surrounding it. I have only been here a short time, but there are so many caring and wonderful folks. Stick with us, ok?
wellseasoned

Welcome "about to be a rock"..you have found the right place for you. You are right..the techno piece/login/registration/navigation is not user-friendly/not uptodate -- but the people really are! & incredible & helpful.!! I have been on the program by the book for 5 weeks but only up to 75 mg of topamax. I believe in integrating all aspects of the program. And the amazing thing is: IT WORKS. (Reduced my drinking by 75% & it was pretty painless, so I am very happy.) Give it a whirl. First step -- get the book & read it-- takes 1-2 hr. And there are professionals here like yourself lookin g to get to know you.

Good luck, Chrysa

my drunken outburst about the techno stuff. I was having a really bad time last night but that does not excuse it. I did download the book and ordered the CDs. I need to research the topa before I order it.
Again, thanks to all. And my sincere apologies - just another drunken screw-up. I'm going to try to hang in there and get better.

Rock

Rock,
You're not the first and I'm sure not the last whose posted while drunk. I understand having a bad night, been there done that. I hope I am never at that place again. Great job ordering the book and CD's!

Marcie

Hi Rock

Just by watching these posts for 2 days I can see that we are all searching for the tranquility that isn't distorted by the empty bottle.

Maintaining a sense of humour can be hard when you don't like yourself very much and make what seems like the same mistakes over and over again. Anyway I like the fact that the sun rises every morning (corny huh!) and tomorrow can be different than yesterday (and much much better).