Not in control

I am 50, married with 4 kids and I run my own business. I have a nice house in an expensive neighbourhood. I coach my kids in sports and everybody thinks everything is great with me.

I have strict rules about my drinking. I only drink beer, I only drink after five,I don't drink after I eat, I don't drink and drive.

I have not had less than 6 beers a night for as long as I can remember and many nights I have 8 or 9.These are Canadian beer at 5%.

This means we eat late a lot. I resent it when I have to coach a late game for my kids because it disrupts my drinking time. If anything cuts into my "drinking window" it really bothers me and I try to make excuses to avoid the event. I have managed to fool everyone about my drinking but I have missed so many events with my kids over the years that I am deeply ashamed of myself. I also think of the many things I could have done with them had I not set my schedule around my drinking hours. I wake up with a hangover almost every morning but I tough it out and get up early every morning and go to work. I am so tired of this.

I have read that alcoholism is a progressive disease but my drinking habits (as bad as they may be) have remained pretty much the same for the last 20 years.

I just have a feeling that if I could turn off that switch that demands that I drink enough alcohol to get good and buzzed every evening of my life that things would get better and I won't wake up every morning hung over and full of self loathing.


Wow that was hard to write. I have never told anybody about this.

Hi Skipp,

Welome to MWO! I know how hard it is to write your story. Thanks so much for sharing it with us! You are not alone in how you feel. Many of us rearrange our schedules to comfortably accommodate our drinking.

I can tell you Skipp that this program works if you are ready to make a change! It has made a HUGE difference in my life. I suggest ordering or downloading the book if you haven't already. There are so many people here with stories so much like your own so the support is incredible!

Best of luck to you as you get started! Let us know what we can do to help!

Donna

Welcome, Skipp! Your story is so similar to many of ours. Outwardly successful but suffering inside! You have definitely made your first step!!! I hope you will hang around and post and learn. A better life awaits you if you want it!

Best of luck!

Kathy

Hi Skipp, I am new to this program as well and struggling with the exact same issues. Tonight dinner did not get served until I had a good buzz going but then I will hate myself tomorrow for it. Instant gratification seems to be the problem. We are all in the same boat and some of us on the board have made HUGE progress............stick with us if you can..........

Skip, thank you... thank you... thank you!!! You have amazingly just told my story! I too, am "the parent that always seems to have it together." I have 4 children, 2 of my children have Autism. As a single mom, I make certain that all my children get to all their "events." There's the dance classes for 3 girls, there's the karate 3 nights a week for my son, the swimming lessons, the girl scouts/cub scouts, and all of ALL of that!

Through all of that I have always had "my drinking time." As long as all the running around is done in time for my "drinking time" I'm fine. But.... start "squeezing into my time" and I get irritated. I don't get irritated with the kids, I get irritated with me!...."Why can't I arrange the schedule the proper way?"

I tell you, lately I have really begun to think I am completely "off my rocker" for the way I try to get everything that must be done within a time frame that still allows for that 5:00 hour for me.

Like you, I have always felt that all is in control, so to speak, that I have not experienced the "progression." It has been recently that I have realized that the way I force myself to live, as to the scheduling of the kids activities as they get older, that maybe, just maybe this is "my progression."

No, I may not be drinking any more than usual, as our schedules progess (but, I'm not drinking any less either!), and I'm also still not drinking at "inappropriate" times.

But, I am still waking up in that "fog" and going on with my day. However, I have noticed that the fog is starting to bother me more and more. It's not always gone by mid morning or lunchtime anymore. And the self loathing? Well, I can tell you that for me that grows bigger and uglier everyday.

That is why I came here, to My Way Out. I've been on this site for less than a week and I have already met some extremely amazing people, with a lot of knowledge and experience. I firmly believe, my answer is here.

Am I better yet? No, I'm struggling, I'm not yet in control. But I have not given up and I will not give up. I won't give up because I truly believe, in the deepest part of my soul, that all the answers I need are within myself, and right here, within & with the support of all the wonderful people that can be found on this site.

Skip, I wish for you the same I wish and pray for myself. I wish for you clarity of mind and soul, the courage to forge into a new "territory" of life lessons for ourselves and our families, and the self respect that we deserve and need.

Peace and love to you~
Kristen

Hi Skip

Do you just drink in the evening? I have been doing this out of habit for a few years noe, and I would get irritated if I had to do anything after 6pm, like pick my son up from cubs at 8pm, or judo etc. I got into a habit as well as drinking myself into a stupor in order that I could sleep. A fortnight ago i decided I was going to stop. I was drinking a bottle of gin a night. I decided to slow down considerably for about 4 days, siqing myself up for a wek ago Monday. Then I stopped drinking alcohol. I substituted beer for alcohol free beer, which tatses quite good. I substituted Gin for alcohol free ginger wine. I am on day 9 now. Sleeping has been the worst for me, as I am wide aake at midnight, but I have been taking some Nytol and benedryl to help me. I am awaiting a delivery of melatonin, to se if that is better. Although I am very tired I feel a lot better, I can actually remeber everything I did last night. Read the book, it is inspiring. Read lots of these messages, they are inspiring. I coincidently found this site last Tuesday and it has made me more determined to moderate. I intend to abstain for 30 days, I have orderd the CDs because I know I am susceptible to hypnotism, (that helped me stop smoking years ago). If you are determined to stop or moderate, you CAN do it. Give it a go. What can you lose, apart from dignity, not remembering what you did last night and feeling low.

Good luck with it

Will be thinking about you

Kirky

Hi Skipp:

These things are hard to write about, I know — I was in the same position as you about a week ago — but I'm really glad I did, and I think you'll be too. The support on this site is unbelievable.

I'm not using the topa, but from what I hear it's very effective in 'turning off the switch.' See what people say; it may be very helpful for you.

All the best.

Andrew

Skip - firstly well done you that you coach your kids, no matter how resentful you feel. For most of my kids young lives, my husband came home from work, hit the six pack no matter what was on. I carried the after school burden. Though he did do some of the weekend stuff - provided it was in the morning of course.

I was the 'sober' parent for about ... 15 years? Then his father, then mother died. He basically quit drinking and smoking. He drinks occasionally now, but is what you would call a social drinker - can get off his face occasionally but can also have one wine with a meal. And I am now the one with a problem. (Oh - but we are celebrating 30 years together next year.)

Like you and many, for me it started with drinks after work/pre-dinner and when I came here to Hong Kong as a dependent expat wife, with no opportunity to work for the first time in my adult life, the opportunity to drink exploded. We don't have a car, so no problems there: expats have many social lunches: I don't have to attend any kiddie functions/sports: boredom and loneliness is the norm ... pick an excuse, any excuse. Imagine early retirement and you can see what it might be like. I used to have a high-powered job back home, btw.

Point is, if you see yourself as a drinker then you are a drinker. MWO gives you an option to learn to see yourself as not a drinker and really? It is an option. I am only on the cutting edge of all this and feeling my way. But? Every day I feel more and more optimistic about my future.

Welcome Skip,
Your story sounds so much like mine. The high functioning drinker. My life with my kids looks perfect to the outsider. But, everything is scheduled around my drinking time in the late evening. It's so sad to wake up in the morning feeling ashamed, because you are a slave to your drinking habit. I feel like the bottle is my chain and ball at nights. Please join us Skip, as we try to get control of ourselves. The people here are wonderful and wise.
Good Day,
Miss Layla

Hi Skipp,
You've made the first step...good for you! You CAN change what you aren't happy with. You are already on your way.
I'm new as well, and I hope I continue to see you on the boards.
Pam