Ashamed

I got bombed last night just prior to my Dad getting dropped off at my house so that he may sleep over and leave for the airport at 4:30 am. I'm ashamed and am emarrassed. I really don't remember much of last night other than talking up a storm and eating like a pig. I got up at 4:30 this morning to hug and kiss my Dad goodbye, as he was leaving for Arizona to pick up his van. He travels for fun around the country. He is on his way up to Alaska. I'm ashamed for I was bombed off my but, I'm embarrassed not only for myself, but for my husband. He wants to talk to me tonight as soon as he gets home from work. I managed to go to the gym at 6am today. I hardly worked out, but certainly cried alot on the treadmill and in the steam room. I have been crying 11 hours straight. I'm truly disgusted with myself, not only for being a drunk, but for pigging out and talking on the phone and emailing friends. I can always call my Dad's cell, but I'm not ready. I sent him an email this morning. He checks it wherever he goes. I hope to hear from him soon. Here's the message I sent him.

Dad:

You left for the airport a little while ago. I'm sorry for being drunk last night. I don't know why I did it. I'm out of excuses. I'm glad I got my "hug in" this morning. I only wish that before you headed off on your trip, that I was "myself" and not some drunk. I'm very ashamed of myself. I'm very sorry.

Love,
Reenie

Oops! My husband just called. He and a group of people are going out for Mexican Food. I passed on it. I have gained 10 lbs. from my binges, and feel awful about that as well.

I am impressed that you can speak openly with your Dad about your drinking. Have you talked with him about it before? Does he know you are doing this program? So few of us would have the courage to address their behaviour so directly, that takes strength. It is the strength that will help you continue on your path to recovery. good luck.

Hi All: I'm feeling emotionally better today. Thanks again for your support, your comments regarding me being strong, and the compliments towards my Dad. I'm a little surprised I haven't heard from him today. He usually calls or emails once a day. I think he's concerned and doesn't know what to say. My husband and I still haven't had our talk. I wasn't in the mood to "chat" last night. Unfortunately, we have to go to a wake tonight. I'm hoping the subject isn't brought up on the drive over to the wake... However, I have to be open and listen. He's concerned, and probably embarrassed. Well enought of that.... I'm a good human being, and am certainly not perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. I'm sure there are worse things I can do. Bec: Too funny about having the 28 Days tape for so long and finally watching it 3 months ago. The Sandra Bullock look a link thing is funny too. I'm going to respond to the NYC Meetup for this Saturday. Thanks again all.

Reenie,
It took a lot to pull yourself together and get that message to your dad. Must have been painful and soul searching. When will you hear from him? I bet it means tons to him that you took the time to apologize and tell him just how much it meant that you realized last night was... not exactly what you had in mind.
I hope you two can talk soon. Maybe a long talk. Maybe he can give you some insight and advice.
I wish you the best, Reenie. Stay hydrated! Sorry...medical person coming out in me... but crying and treadmill and sauna... sister in law just suffered hyponatremia in a marathon and hubby just hooked up on IV for dehydration in a rugby tournament this wknd ... Take care of yourself!!! Love,
Becca

Rubyredhead & Rebecca:
Thank you for your responses. My father raised me and my siblings. He has always been a kind and understanding father. Yes, I have spoken to him several times in the past about my binge drinking. His words to help me to get back on track. I'll here from him via cell phone soon. He probably hasnt had the chance to check his email yet. The tears still haven't stopped. I just got done watching 28 Days with Sandra Bullock. Not only could I relate to her role in the move, I resemble her! At times, my tears wouldn't stop coming. Thank you. Good Night

Reenie,
Oh my!!!! You are so like me!! Putting yourself through obvious conclusion that you will be crying at the end of that movie!!

HEY!! Anyone out there reading this post. 28 days is a great movie. Very relatable. I cried and cried, too. Here's a story. That dang movie was in it's cellophane wrapper for about 4 yrs. I had told a STUDENT INTERN of mine in passing that I sometimes get a tad stressed and enjoy my wine...when she graduated she gave me a silver bracelet with my initials and a hand therapy emblem and That MOVIE!!!! I swear, I never wanted to watch it, cuz I thought "well, then I'll think I have a drinking problem!!" hmmmm OMG I never knew if she knew the signigicance or the implications, but NEVER took the movie out of the cellophane until I started this program 3 1/2 months ago. True Story.
Cried my freaking eyes out. With a bottle of wine. Of course.

Well, Reenie, as per usual, I've gone on much too long. I truly hope you and your father can communicate in some manner to solve things.
BTW.... VERY WEIRD... but I've always been told that I look like Sandra Bullock as well....hmmmmmm
take care, you
Bec

Hey Reenie, I do so know what it feels like to screw up special events...I've done it too and feel as though I've cheated myself and everyone else of a meaningful moment--or just a decent day! It really is great that you could communicate with your father like that--mine, I sent him an email when I went into rehab last month and he sent back a "I'm sure you'll do well" kind of response that wasn't all that helpful...for one thing, I wasn't AT ALL sure I would "do well"--and, anyway, it's not like I was going out for some sort of competitive event! I just had to get clean and sober. And, I haven't heard from him again...been sober 35 days now and not one word from him...the kicker is that if you asked him he would say that we have a great relationship! So, be grateful for having a father who actually talks to you and cares about what's going on in your life.

Too long...but I wanted you to know that we've probably all done something similiar...life goes on and we try again--that's all. Most of the time, it's really no more dramatic than that...mostly, friends understand, family still loves us and the sun will shine again soon...just look how today was here in NYC: it was totally pouring rain this morning, sunny late afternoon, and then pouring again this evening...just like life!

Keep on trying!
best, susan

Hi Reenie,

Wow, there are some very wise words above!! I agree, you are quite fortunate to have such a caring father. Have you heard from him yet? I just wanted to lend my support here and offer what help I can. I do hope your tears stop soon, although I know all too well how long they can go on! Let us know of any questions you may have as far as the program goes. As Susan said, the sun will shine again soon, hold onto that thought!!

Donna

Reenie did you say you live in New Jersey?
Can you come to NYC on saturday for coffee?

Hey Reenie and Happy Camper (and anyone else in NYC area)r--
I just posted a possible plan for our Sat meetup on "Calling all NYC'ers thread....
susan