Not a happy camper anymore

I haven't been on Topa just Campral and I slipped this weekend pretty bad. Campral has given me no side effects at all.

I had read that on Campral if you slip it will make your slip less bad but that is simply not true, not for me anyway. I woke up this morning and there was a glass of wine on the bedside table next to me. First thing I saw when I opened my eyes. I am disgusted with myself and took the the day off from work today. Reading Adria's story made me even more ashamed of myself, plus it was Mother's Day, what a great mom I am. I remember nothing past around 7pm last night I think, and I think it's because of the Campral, the wine, and the Klonopin. My husband is talking to me but I can tell he's pissed and I am too embarrassed to ask him what happened last night and how did I end up in bed with a glass of wine. I know we must have had a fight because he slept on the couch.

My family took me to brunch for Mother's Day and I chatted with pansy and some others Sat night asking for advice about how to handle it because you get a free drink with brunch. Not only did I not do what they advised but I drank Sat night! At 9pm I announced I wanted a glass of wine, I had a huge craving and should have taken an L-Glut. My husband tried to talk me out of it but there was no stopping me and I thought on the Campral I would nurse one and that would be it. I drank a half a bottle (maybe a little more) and decided that at brunch I would skip the drink and start anew. But I didn't. My family doesn't know so they were offering me drinks when my glass was empty and I just never said no. My husband couldn't stop me because my family doesn't know. Even when it was dessert time I ordered a glass of wine instead. Then a woman I haven't seen in ages who is 82 came in and had a sad story, that her hubby had to be put into a home because he developed dementia and she was very sad. This is the second husband has has lost. I knew both of them very well. She is an alcoholic too and isn't going to stop, she's 82 and has had it rough. I'm certainly not going to preach to an 82 year old woman about her drinking while I'm sitting there drinking with her.

My family left and I told my husband I'd be home in 20 minutes (this place is right up the street from where we live). Well 2 hours later he comes back with the baby in the stroller and hands me my cell phone and storms out with her. This must have been about 5pm.

So now I have to start from scratch. I was 11 days abs, does this mean I have to be at day 1 again? Please tell me no, someone...Patty

I had a horrible weekend as well. Started drinking Friday night and did not stop until yesterday afternoon. Didn't even get to moms for the brunch. I think she is suspecting issues as I think I may have said some stupid stuff on the phone to her on Saturday (I don't remember). I also pigged out on a ton of junk food. Why do we do this to ourselves??

Well, back at it today - woke up early, went for my 4 mile jog (hangover and all) and heading to the office.

Hope all have success this week!

Peb

Hi Pebbles,
I hope so too. I hate this starting over again part. I had been doing so well, I had lost weight, wearing shirts I couldn't button before because my wine belly was getting smaller. My brother even complimented me and said I looked awesome. My eyes have been brighter, my skin clearer, everything was a positive why did I have to blow it?

Yep, I always lose weight and ditto the skin, eyes, hair, etc.. The wine belly stinks. I have it too but when I cut back or stop for just a few weeks it goes away. I find I can eat the same and still lose weight.

That alone should be enough to stop the wine drinking. I get my triggers every evening and need to fill that time with something more productive and healthy. I have ordered all the supps, book & Cd's but they will not be here for a while so I am going to white knuckle. I will say the old me may have continued drinking today too but reading this site helps me alot and I am going to pick myself up, dust myself off (take a shower and put on make up) and start anew.

Peb.

You guys are the best. :D

Hi Patty,

I'm sorry for what happened. You made some bad choices, there, didn't you love!:x :x :x Well most of us have been there, having made those same bad choices, likely many times over, and we can feel a lot of empathy for you!

People feel differently about counting: If you're looking for consecutive days, yeah, you should start over from day one.:\ But, Patty, no one can take those 11 days away from you. You still accomplished them, then you drank for a day and a half! YOu can get abs right again, and it sounds like that's what you're going to do. This slip might just end up being a blip on the screen! Next time you face temptation (unless you choose to avoid it, hmmmm?), you'll be wiser too. I understand that Campral is a great help, but obviously, not a magic bullet, probably a good idea with cravings to take the l-glut right under the tongue like some suggest. I haven't done it myself, but others swear by it!

Patty, many of the people who are enjoying tremendous success on MWO didn't just get on the program and get successful right away. They had their slips and stumbles, just like you just had. Sobriety is a process.

Take care of yourself, sweetie!
Hugs,
Kathy

I read your post about Mother's Day and my heart aches for you. I have been where you are and it is such a horrible place - yucky to be exact. It sounds like you recognize it and are moving ahead in your efforts to stop. Don't quit - get back on that pony and ride, girlfriend! You can do it!
Also, I saw that you are taking Klonopin - I am familiar with that drug from my ex husband's health issues. Have you considered the interaction alcohol has with it and the other drugs you are taking?
It sounds like you have a family that needs you. Deep in your heart, I know you want to get better for you and for them. I only say this because I have had the same feelings and experiences.
I am praying for you. Hang in there.

Me too, waiting for my little one to nap and I am gonna take a bath and scrub the booze off of me. It is raining really hard I am stuck in here with her, wish I could take her to the park so I felt like a better mommy. I'll have to think of something fun to do indoors with her today.

My dad (who was at the brunch) is a recovering alcoholic who left my family when my mom was dying of a brain tumour and ended up with a woman from AA. Didn't speak to him for almost 4 years after she died. My mom died knowing he had already moved on. Left me to take care of her on my own and I was 23 at the time (this is going back a ways) He married the AA woman who I like very much BUT now he's drinking Nyquil on the side and he thinks no one knows but I've been snooping. I think I was anxious about the brunch, I've been trying to keep my distance from them lately. She had lung surgery a few weeks ago which has been stressful and he is so weak that I think that is when the Nyquil started. I think she knows and is turning a blind eye. I've been visiting here and there to see how she is feeling (luckily it wasn't cancer) and I always check the bathroom cabinets and there is always more Nyquil missing and new bottles bought. Nyquil is 10% alcohol. I need distance but they call every day....If I don't call back they think something is wrong. PLus they only live a few blocks away (I'm in NYC) so they could just show up. It's too close.

Thanks all, now a person in the abs area said the beauty of this program said today could be my day 12, that I didn't have to say day 1- I'm going with that!! At least in my head it'll make me feel better- the heck with you Kathy!

I know about the combo of the booze and the Klonopin, and have been told my many (Kathy, my new addiction specialist/therapist) that I cannot go off the klonopin yet- not even to taper.

What I need to get is the L-Glut in the capsule form so I can put it on my tongue, mine are caplets. I didn't buy from the site because I was in a hurry.

Patty, I am sorry for your slip as well. You were doing sooooooo good and really need to hold onto that in your head. You WILL do it again. You will. It sounds like there was a lot of emotion behind why you chose to drink so much, and the fact you had been without a drink for a while meant your tolerance was probably lower than usual; not a good combination. Don't beat yourself up too much, it won't help matters. Just get back on the program and do your best. We are all pulling for you................Molly