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  #31 (permalink)  
Old 05-03-2006, 01:00 AM
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Default Re: What lead us to drink?

doymojo--I am definitely more at the angry stage rather than the grateful-for-what-I-still-have stage. I have issues with the hospital, however,

Big hugs to you, with dealing with you mom issues; you don't realize, do you, when you get older, how much of a role they still play in your life, and then they are taken (or choose to leave) the whole in your heart is quite dibilitating. Which is why I have been numbing it out.

  #32 (permalink)  
Old 05-04-2006, 01:21 PM
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Default Re: What lead us to drink?


Cordial? Maybe. For me, I am not one to spill the details of my life easily. I really don't like to burden the board with the specific details, though I know some like to give the details about every issue in their lives and every drink they take. Different strokes for different folks. It is all good stuff.

We all just different I guess. I like to speak in generalities unless a specific question is asked. Like what mg of topa are you on and how do you feel, but when asked a general question like what lead you to drink. I just keep it general as well.

Feel free to post however you like and more power to you. We all learn from posting and reading each others posts.

What aspects of the program are you doing? I notice you seem to be having a rough time and just wondering if working the program harder or tweaking it may help you.

  #33 (permalink)  
Old 05-04-2006, 01:46 PM
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Default Re: What lead us to drink?

Great thread! For me, yep, emotions. Drinking gave me the "calm" I yearned for. I actually like being sober in public, go figure? It's the being all alone time, and that is 24/7 since my disability. Triggers: you name it. Rewards: yep thought a cold one was deserved! Just plain Habit, once we set our routine, whatever it is for drinking that is so hard to break! So just trying so hard to break the habit and reward with something else? damn, nothing else so far feels as good? But willing to find out!!
  #34 (permalink)  
Old 05-04-2006, 03:22 PM
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Default Re: What lead us to drink?

I started drinking late- like in college. I drank beer on the weekends with my friends and got terrible hangovers so I never though I'd turn out like this.

My mom got sick when I was 17 with an inoperable brain tumour that was benign and ended up killing her when I was 24. When she was diagnosed my dad (who was already an alcoholic) got worse and ended up in rehab and then decided everything was about him. He left my mother and I a year before she died and moved on to another woman very quickly that he met in AA (probably another reason I hate AA). I had to work two jobs to take care of us and eventually my oldest brother moved back home but couldn't deal. He was in denial about how sick she was.

After she died I was terribly depressed. My older brother stayed with me didn't force me to do anything but have fun, no job or anything for like a year.. I met a nice guy coincidentally on Mother's Day, at a bar, and went out with him for about 4 years. We lived together for about 3 and he drank like 12 beers a night. I never did, I hated beer and I hated drinking in the house. I preferred a bar setting and drinking White Russians and having fun with my friends but he didn't like to go out. So I'd go out with my friends without him on the weekends and get hammered- this was my mid to late 20's. We broke up- we just didn't fit and I HATED his in-home drinking.

When I was 30 I met my husband who was temping at my publishing company. He was younger but more outgoing and friendly than my prior bf. He was only 25 but he liked to drink wine which honestly I had maybe had a handful of times in my life prior to that. We would go out and have wine with dinner, it was very grownup. We went to Italy and drank wine, we would cook fancy dinners at home and drink wine. When we got married we went back to Italy (and France) and drank more wine and smoked our heads off (we smoked back then)- then we quit smoking and I increased my booze intake to take the edge off. That's when it really started to get bad for me. I started having severe anxiety and found a shrink who gave me whatever I wanted. Then I got pregnant in Feb '03 a year after I quit smoking and stayed off the booze and pills until month 5 when the doc said one glass a week was fine, maybe even a little more here and there but don't get drunk. Then after my daughter was born I suffered postpartum and did nothing about it, I breastfed for like 6 weeks and hated it because i wanted my wine back. So I stopped breastfeeding and started drinking again. And it's gotten worse and worse and worse. Plus my drug dealer psychiatrist who doesn't even want to have a conversation with me would give me anything I wanted. He never even asked me if I drank.

Anyway there is a lot of alcoholism in my family, my dad like I had said earlier has Nyquil in the trunk of his car and under the sink after being "sober" for almost 20 years and he thinks I'm must be an idiot and doesn't know what he's doing. I think a lot of it is hereditary and I get physically addicted to things pretty quickly. I replaced the cigarettes with the wine, and the wine just seemed more adult and acceptable. Then my husband became a sommelier and then forget it. Wine wine everywhere.

I've always had low level depression (plus anxiety) I think and I think I like the feeling of being really low and chilled out. Almost every song I like is sad and movies too. Not all of them but most. Anyway that's my deal. Everyone's got a story to tell. Patty >:
  #35 (permalink)  
Old 05-04-2006, 03:38 PM
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Default Re: What lead us to drink?

Patty, that is quite a story. It certainly does not help things that your husband is in the wine business. Up until recently I thought about going into wine sales until I realized how ridiculous that would be for my problem. Are you hoping to cut down at all? I know for me moderation is my goal. I, too, and probably like a lot of us on this board suffer from severe anxiety and depression, perhaps exacerbated by all of the years of drinking. I also can relate to how you look at wine as such a grown-up thing and so sophisticated. Our society also makes it so romantic. Anyhow, I wish you the best......
  #36 (permalink)  
Old 05-04-2006, 04:01 PM
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Default Re: What lead us to drink?

HI Doymojo,
I am not lookinf for moderation right now- I am looking for abstince- i want to have another baby and start trying in August or Sept- then after that maybe go to moderation and Topomax instead of Campral. But if abstience sticks I'm sticking with it. Thank you for your concern. I'm not sure how the hell I'm supposed to do it with it in my face. It's like having a smoker smoke in your face. But i did quit smoking and the smell of it makes me sick so i hope i can hang onto that. Thank you so much for your concern it makes a big difference. I have a headache!
  #37 (permalink)  
Old 05-04-2006, 04:06 PM
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Default Re: What lead us to drink?

Dear Patty,
I think you are going to be a great addition to this program and this board. You sound like you are ready, willing, and able to begin to turn this thing around. You sound frustrated. You found a great place!!!! At least breathe a sigh of relief for that! This program can help...yes.... I believe even for people who have sommelier hubbies!
We make wine. I have about 7 cases of wine in my basement, full wet bar...hubby is prez of his rugby team so we are ALWAYS hosting parties, etc., meeting at the bar. PLUS, he travels for his job and I used to always find comfort in my vino when I was "lonley".
Patty, just wanted to let you know "people like us" who are surrounded by the booze can do it too! I know one of the biggies for tips about quitting drinking is to get it out of the house. Yeah, right. Wasn't really practical for us and doesn't sound that way for you, either. Hubbies don't need to be "punished" for what I'm doing with my drinking habits (at least that's how I felt about it).
I don't know if you want to moderate or abstain. Read that you may be thinking about becomming pregnant soon? Good for you! What motivation! You can do this.
Get acquainted with things and let us know how we can help. A lovely TASTE of that wine and THAT's ALL without it being TORTURE cuz you WANT MORE is possible!!!!! I understand!
Been there, now I'm here,.. join me!
  #38 (permalink)  
Old 05-04-2006, 11:51 PM
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Default PAWS


Please look at this website, it may help you understand some of the feelings you are having. This is my first time here, but I do belong to a women's only message board.

I hope this helps.


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