Why can't I get it together?

I simply do not know why I cannot get it together. I did really well with this program when I started and I was pleased. I can't remember where I slipped up - to be truthful, I have not been diligent with the supps and cds. I had a very bad evening last night and I cannot even believe I drove a car - I am one of the luckiest people alive today. I feel like I am losing control and I can't find my way back. I want it - but I feel like I am stuck and its just out of my reach. I am so very unhappy and lonely and frustrated.

Why the heck can't I just get it together.

Sorry for the rant. Needed to vent.:o :o :o

Geez - you also could be me. Just don't give up, OK? Get yourself back into the routine of MWO just the same way you would to indulge. Don't give up!:D

Do not feel alone in this. I totally understand as I am in the same boat. I desperately want wine to not be an issue in my life anymore but I cannot seem to take the plunge. I am doing the program but I am so painfully bored with my job and I am home all day long so it is the perfect answer at the end of the day. I will not tell you it is okay whatever you did last night because based on your venting it was not. I also know you will beat yourself up all day long about this because I did the same thing over the weekend. It sounds like at least you have done abs for a while, no?? If so, at least you know you can do it so just start again new today. No more drinking and driving though, okay??? Good luck to you.....Molly

Hi Nomorewine, are you taking any of the meds? I'm taking topa. But a pretty minimal dosage(don't want to & can't be a space-case @ work), but the topa (and these boards) made an incredible diff for me, as well as, the rest of the program, but I started out a bit at a time, out of financial neccesity, and that's the order I did it in.
hang in there. Just keep at it.If this can work for me, there's gotta be hope for everyone! Believe me... I was beyond it,...:( So I thought, for years. It feels so good to "get your life back". YOU CAN DO IT!:D

If it was easy to "keep it together" this site would not even exist. It's darn hard and I guess many of us will stray from what we know is the right path.The important thing is to learn from what we have done wrong.
You said in the beginning you did well. I think it's easier in the beginning because it is new and you feel great.Then you realize you will really have to live your life differently now and that can be discouraging.Old habits die hard.Be heartend by the fact that you were able to stick to the program and you will be able to again.
We are all in this together
Janet

Thanks for the support. I am just so frustrated! I never drive if I have had even one drink and last night I drove and I got lost and it was a mess. My husband has no idea what a friggin idiot I am and so does not deserve this (he is away this week -- thankfully).

I am going to listen to the cds now and hopefully get back on the horse. I don't know why I am having so much trouble getting back on track - I obviously need to be much more vigilent and I need to get some discipline. I'm just floating in a strange space. And consumed by guilt, shame and sadness. Such sadness. Crap. :(

Thanks again.


UPDATE - two hours has passed....I just listened to clearing cd (I missed his funny voice!) and dumped out 3/4 full bottle of wine that was in fridge. I cannot wallow any longer. Time to get back on the horse...again. (My horse is so confused - I am on, I am off, back on, back off......)

Hi Kate,

I sent you a message.

Donna

Dear NoMoreWine: take it easy on yourself. How long have you been off the wine? I'm a wino, too. I'm only on day four. I had to go grocery shopping and dropped a bundle of money tonight and ALMOST always, I go to the liquor store in the same plaza, every night for my chard. I called my partner from the parking lot as I was leaving to let him know I was on my way and how hard it was to drive out of there without getting a bottle - a BIG bottle. But I did. BUT I had a tough day and even NOW (only day four) I'm wondering, should I go out before it closes and get something? I am doing my level best to fight that. Put the groceries away, did a little straightening up....but I could fall over the edge very easily if my partner (and codrinking at that) decided he wanted something ... I'd go Yeah! Let's go get it and jump in the car. BTW, I drove twice last week to get booze after I was already sauced. And I got a DUI and had to take an alcohol ed class to keep it off my record. That was two years ago in September. You would think that would keep me from behind the wheel... and it did, until about two weeks ago when I started to get very heavy. And here I am now.

Don't be so hard on yourself. That old saying - fell off the wagon? Well, jump back on with us. YOu've been doing it, you can make it. You CAN make it. You can MAKE it.

Hugs
Cathy

We are all often on the edge. If I had not found this site and was not on these boards tonight I would be popping open a bottle of my beloved chardonnay. I can only think... just not tonight and not worry about the upcoming weekend. Otherwise I'm overwhelmed.

Hi guys,
My intention when I started this was abs and I did that for about 12 days then slipped, then slipped on day 18 & 19 and on stayed abs for 4 more days then went on Topamax. Day one I drank only 3 glasses of wine instead of two bottles. I've had had a really bad week and under normal cirmstances would have drank 3 bottles (ask my friends on here!) but the Topa is unreal. I sip it instead of guzzling and I told someone today if I have something to do in the house I don't take the glass with me. Lots of time can go by without sips and it doesn't matter. I am following the dosage in the book. I think you increase it by 25mg each week unless you feel you don't need too. I'm on a very low dosage 50mg.

If you don't have the ability to abstain, which is OK, you should not be drinking and driving. Please get the Topa , I swear you craving will minimize and you won't even know why. Then, if you feel ready to abs after some time on this get the Campral. And take the aupps, especially the L-Glut and the Kudzu which you can get from site or a vitamin shop. Good luck guys. Goodnight Patty |I