Day 14... Flag day & Happy B-Day K McD!

When life is flowing benevolently along and our hands are full of aces, we need little support and affirmation. It is when things turn mean and all light seams to have gone from the sky that we most need support and love- especially from ourselves.
All of us make mistakes. All of us are far from perfect. Failures take many forms-some serious, some repeated despite many promises that this would not happen again. It may be something small to others but big to us- going back on a pledge not to binge... or catching ourselves being consistently negetive. It may be large...-walking away from a relationship that could have worked. When we fail is when we most need to remind ourselves of our humanity and treat ourselves with love...

We often forget what works. When we have failed, we need not take a vengeance on ourselves but, rather, find a way to regain our feet as quickly as possible. The more loving we are to ourselves the easier it is to get up & start again.


Happy Birthday McD!!at at :rollin Go to the library!!Smooch!!xoxo Judie

Boy do I second those thoughts. I have never believed that you could beat yourself up into better mental health or better behavior (not that I haven't tried with myself, though, too, just doesn't work very well!:\ ) So how to love and be kind to yourself when you're not crazy about how you've behaved? That's the question, and I guess one that many of us seek the answers to. When I figure it all out, I'll let you all know!

Anyway, today is a busy one....I like those ones better, less temptation! I'm going to Pennsylvania tomorrow night to pick up my Mother (who is staying at my Aunt's), and she is going to stay with me for a week or so. I'm actually really looking forward to that, and it will be a nice treat for me.

So, I ought to be a little more cheerful than I have been in the last few days. Sounds good, I bet!

Have a good day, all!
Kathy

Hey Kathy,
I love having my mom stay with me. Glad you get to see her tomorrow, as it sounds like you are looking forward to it and she will lift your spirits! Have a safe trip.
Mary, I have had a couple little bumbles and one major slip where I don't remember coming home from a wedding a couple wks ago..... so that one was bad. And I had held it together all evening too....like when I walked out the door- whammo!
Anyhow, all in all I'm still drinking about half of what I used to, with one incident like that in the last 4 months where it used to be MUCH more frequent:o :( . So I keep it up! Thanks for the encouragement and support.

More cleaning and running and garage sale prep today.
Everyone have a great one!! Gorgeous day here!
Bec

Hi Everyone...Happy Flag Day! We have out Flag out! Not sure who K McD is??? Oh well, McDonalds is all I can come up with (it comes with having kids, lol!).

I'm doing good, Day 12 AF for me....the next few days will be stressful but I will take them one day at a time! As for today I am just relaxing at home. Will have to do some laundry and pickup but that is all. My daughter is babysitting and son is playing with a friend. Yesterday we did our running around with ortho appts and back and forth to the beach with friends and such....

Becca, Good luck with the Garage Sale! I had one of those quite a few years back and my hubby and I swore we would never ever have another one!!! Way too much work. You can make pretty good money getting rid of your "junk" however if you want to make the effort ! Enjoy....you can come sell some of my "junk" next if you like and keep the cash for your fundraiser!:rollin

Everyone have a Great Wednesday!

~Tammie

Mornin Ya'll! K Mcd, is a really good friend of mine in Colorado... She's actually the reason, I ended up moving to Colorado from Arizona,...and also pretty much responsible for me being back here, with my family in Oregon...she's really more like a sister... I keep encouraging her to check out this site...And I sure hope she does today, now that she's famous!!ol HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATH!!at :rollin Now she's probably gonna come to Oregon & kick my butt!:eek

Sounds like everyone has a pretty good day planned. Enjoy it! I know I will!

Hi to All!
Major downer today...I slipped up bad last night. Got really mad at my daughter for going behind my back and carrying on w/ a boy she's not allowed to have anything to do with. So...how long has it been going on???? I have no idea...I got so pissed, had a big fight...yelled at her...I've been very trusting over this whole situation until now. I called her a liar....told her I no longer trust her and she has no more privledges. The boy is an abuser. Talked her into having sex w/ him and I found out about all of this back in May. Made them break up. Thought I was keeping good tabs on her, but caught her in the car yesterday on the phone w/ him.

Anyway...after that I started drinking....got drunk...called my ex...open a door that I worked SOOO hard to shut. I even have a protective order.

I just want to get back in bed and cry all day!!

I'm not gonna make it through this day...I'm so depressed

hope

Oh Hope, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all of this. But it doesn't sound like it's gonna go away on it's own...
I don't have kids; but have a few close friends, who are single Moms... and have seen them go thru so much with their's... Including the ex's...:rolleyes
You are only human, it's not gonna help to get mad at yourself too. I wish I had some words of wisdom... but this is wayyy out of my league..:eek But please do be careful on opening doors... especially with a protective order involved... that could get real sticky... as well as, mix messages, for all involved..:rolleyes Hang in there, Sweetie. It will be ok.... Hopefully someone with a little more insight on this topic will pop in here soon... I'll be thinking about ya... Hugs, Judie

PS..And you will make it thru this day! You're gonna be just fine! Just another hurdle!!:eek We're here.

Hope dear,

I am so sorry that has happened to you. I think you should have a talk with your daughter alone. You could even start with the part about being human and making mistakes yourself. You could say you were so hurt from the betrayal of trust you had in her that you lashed out. You still love her, just not her actions. If she saw you drinking you could say you love yourself, not your reaction to this problem. The conversation that gets her to stop and realize that you are trying to be there for her. It is her future she is messing with not really yours in the long run. Try to go into the conversation with the highest level of communication wanting to know how she feels. Listen to what she says. Now is not a good time to beat up the boyfriend as together they have placed themselves in a different "camp" than yours and are united against anything you would say. You could draw the parallel between driving and the level of responsibility that is involved with that privilege. the responsibility of other peoples lives in the cars next to them simply because she is the driver and the consequences of her own life and her own decisions are in her hands. she needs to figure out that this guy is bad news but I am not sure you get to be teh one to point that out - you know different camps.

My True story below:
We found my youngest at 15 with his girlfriend who was 16. They had been in the house alone - strictly forbidden. (In retrospect I realize I knew it probably happened as they had their one year anniversary for dating and seemed more intimate than before - my husband, his stepdad, found the condom.) My husband was furious and who knows all the things he said to him before I got home from work. It took a bit to calm him down. My ex never heard about it but he had been pretty absentee for many years with a bag over his head when it came to dealing with the kids growing up anyway.

I took the two kids out of the house, had a sit down and told them it was their lives and futures at stake, condom or no condom. I asked them if they thought they were ready to be parents and give up college and their futures because that is what could happen. They answered they were not. That little girl actually asked me to go to the doctor with her for some birth control pills. I told her that her mom and dad would have a fit and if she wanted the pills she'd have to come clean with her mom and have a discussion with her. When I asked them what they were going to do about this and if they could stop having sex, my son said well, yes I can try and his girlfriend said but I like it soooooooo much! GEEZ!

With my son later, I told him I was disappointed but still loved him. Reminded him of all kinds of diseases keeping up a pattern like this. Asked him again privately if he could handle if she got pregnant in the near future. Having a baby requires a maturity level that you two haven't reached yet. He didn't think he could handle it then I said, while I love you, I can not take care of a baby full time and it will be you two doing that. He admitted he wasn't ready for the consequences. They still went out for almost another year after that. They had to have been sneaking it but they had at least come to the conclusion that they could not afford to be sloppy . . . ever!

There is a point while raising teenagers where you understand why some species eat their young! :rollin

Maybe that helped a little? I wish you luck and yes your own buttons were pushed - it is a trigger you know about. You will get through this.

Hugs,
Mary

Dear Judie, Great Quote - thanks again for the last couple weeks of doing this. You have been a real trooper and quite a help emotionally and mentally with everyone!

Kathy - I am so glad your mom is coming in, she will LOVE your new office space and I am sure you two will have wonderful time. Feel better!

Becca, I still think you are doing wonderfully! If you think you are not perfect it is always good to check back to a few months ago huh?!! good luck on the garage sale. Please come do ours next!!!

Tammie, 12 AF that is truly magnificent!!

At doctors yesterday got a bunch of papers for blood test, mammogram, yada, yada yada - now off to do those in the next week or so. I was really quite concerned about my right breast and well, she really put my mind at ease saying that it sounds more like hormonal fluctuations than the big C, which runs pretty rampant in my family. Breathing much easier today on that one.

Had one rum and coke last night, poured the second one and didn't really want it, it was sitting there this morning! AMAZING!! I could hear him say - you control your alcohol on the CD - WHEW! Can you say Hummuck? ol

Have a Master Mind dinner tonight will probably have one glass of wine.

Have a great Wednesday. I am super slammed tomorrow already so may not get back here until late!

Hope, it will be OK sweety.

Hugs,
Mary

Thank you so much Mary...I had a long talk with my daughter back in April when I first found out about the sex. We had that same exact conversation. I wasn't expecting to make them break up over it but just wanted them to take a break for a while. It was then that I discovered that he had been abusive. That's when all bets were off. When it was all over she hugged me and said she was glad she was out of it cause she was praying for a way out for a long time but just didn't know how to get out.

She goes to private school and he to public school so it was easy for her to get over him...until summer school...she had to go for one class and you guessed it...he is there too. All the sudden last week she was totally not herself. Back talking, whining about him and wanting to get back with him saying I wasn't fair about it. I was stunned until I put 2 and 2 together. She admitted that she had been seeing him at school but what can I do about it but get through the next week. It was finding her in the car secretly talking to him that caused me to lose my mind with her. I saw him totally manipulating her back into his clutches...just the way I was manipulated for 19 years by her dad. It scared the life out of me. The way she totally changed in just a matter of 2 days. Boy oh Boy...if you think your hiding your crap from your kids....think again...

I did call her dad last night cause I know that if he's anything he's a protective dad to his kids and once he heard that this kid abused that was it. He'll do everything I'm afraid to do. He's not afraid to stand up the the kid or his parents. So...sometimes a girl just needs her dad. I just don't need him.

Now if I can just keep a good balance and distance in his mind btwn me needing him and the kids needing him. This is the FIRST time I've called him in crisis. I've handeled everything myself so far for the last year.

I do feel better.

Thanks again!
Hope