Day 19

Happy Day 19 Surfers!

I completely forgot it was Father's Day yesterday when I posted :eek !
So Happy Father's Day to all the Dads here! Hope you had a good one Pop! appy

Once again, it's back-to-the-grind Monday for me. Hope you all have some fun stuff ahead this week!

This was a tough weekend for me, but I think I got a better understanding of the need to make some big changes in my life. This sobriety thing really has me face to face with the importance of living a meaningful life. Drinking the nights away kept me from fully facing that about myself. It's always been there, but I was temporarily deleting the uncomfortable thoughts every night instead of building on them. Now I see that I can be thankful for the discontent I feel, because that is the catalyst for change.

So, I thought about getting drunk these past few days, more than I have since starting out on this journey. And I came to see that in some ways my desire for alcohol was just as I left it before finding MWO. I didn't feel like having 1 or 2 drinks. I felt like getting drunk, escaping reality. Just not BEING. Thanks to MWO and the clarity I've gained over the past 10 weels abs, the desire wasn't so excruciating, and I was able to see into it and past it, I guess you could say examine it instead of act on it. The habitual drinking is over, but there's more for me to understand about my desire to get wasted. As of now it is still an unsolved mystery...

I think it's a learned skill to live without alcohol the way we used to, whether abs or mods. So the more clues we have into our motivations, the stronger we can become at avoiding pitfalls and living the way we want to live. When we feel like giving up we can remember our old selves, remember our new goals, be aware of our triggers, and look inside for what's really making us want to drink. Then hopefully all that self-knowledge will build on itself & put us in control. To have the ability to choose, freely, what we want for ourselves, in our drinking and in our lives, without the two being at odds. That's the goal here right?

Have a great day everybody!

:d Happy Birthday Donna!!! :d

Deirdre

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
~W.C. Fields

hi
Thats sure an honest way to face your reason for drinking Deidre. I was the foulest tempered creature at work today and I'm sure it has something to do with drinking on Friday nite. My 30 days of abs must have cleared my system more than I thought and feeling like this has reminded me of the awful haze I lived in while drinking. The physical side of things will pass and is self inflicted, but now I'm beginning to realise the emotional battering I have been giving myself. Boy do I have to grow up and face reality and work out how I want to live in this world.

I'm so glad I can share with you guys and read your posts.

'Morning ya'll,

Day 14 here. 13 down.

Deirdre... Maaaaaan have you hit it on the head this morning! Those damned emotions are UNcomfy! Learning how to deal with them like a "grown-up" is no fun either. But it seems growth is an inevidable side effect of staying sober. I believe you've experienced some "growing pains" these last few days. You really had to work on it, but you pushed past old behaviours. I'm proud of you, girl! Give yourself an "atta boy"...

Fellover... As an old friend of mine used to say, "When your ass falls off, pick it up, put it in a bag and take it with you." shrug... That's about all we can do when we mess up. Keep moving onward... I keep saying... It's about PROGRESS... NOT perfection.

Ok... I pushed the blue button too soon...again

I wanted to ask if ya'll have ever had any of the cd's pleasantly spill over into an area you didn't expect?

Lemme tell ya what happend yesterday... We were driving a ways to visit family, when it begun to rain. Driving in the rain is a HUGE phobia for me. Even though hubbie usually drives, I often end up either on the brink of or in a full blow panic attack. Yesterday, however, the sound of the rain on the windshield reminded me of the water sounds on the cds. Before I knew it, my eyes were shut and I was totally and completely relaxed! Weird huh? And I had only started the cds the day before...

HAPPY NOT HUNGOVER MONDAY YA'LL!

Morning all

My most unfavorite day of the week.....but.... this too shall pass!

Good thinking Deirdre! I too have been looking for my triggers and have been surprised by some of them. Mostly I want to dull the pain of several things in my life or past instead of working through them. Good job, girl!

Going to see my old shrink today and talk about whats been going on. Think of me guys......It's hard to be honest with him but why waste my money if I don't??
We'll see what he says about MWO.

Gotta run... Miles and miles to drive.

Nancy:p

Hi Guys,
Can I join this June abs group? I only have 13 days of abs instead of 19 but...like I could make up the other 6 in pushups or somethin. Take a vote. I promise to behave. :evil gabby

Hey Gabby! Oh maaaan is it good to see you here! Of course you can join us! As a matter of fact, if I don't see you posting... I'm gonna come drag your tinnie hinnie outta chat and take ya back behind the woodshed for some good ole fashioned whoopin'.

Uhmmm... The rest of the abs group are NICE. tee hee

I'm not that great in chat tho. Last night I got all ready to party with you ladies and i went and laid down with my new kittie for a second and was down for the count. he he. (that topa makes me sleep so good!)
Oh goodie, thanks I'll be seein ya all in here later. Gabby

Good Morning My Abstainung Surfing Friends!

Thanks Dierdre for the Birthday Wishes! :d Hugs right back at ya! Today I am 43, sober, healthy, and probably more confused than I was when I came here. But, this is a much better confusion and at least one that I can address with a clear head, and without the fog of depression and alcohol. That is the best gift in the world!

Today is officially week 12 of this program for me! Thanks RJ for putting this out there! :d BIG HUGS FOR YOU! :d

I had every intention of coming here today and saying that I was ready for moderation but my personal life at the momeant is such that I do not believe any drastic changes are a wise choice at this point. I guess that is one thing I have learned in the last 12 weeks, not to make any huge life changes when
you have too much going on.

I am not convinced that I would have gone down the road I did had it not been for some extreme circumstances, and like I have said in the past, I fell fast and I fell hard! However, I did go down that road and there is going back, and regardless of how fast and hard I fell, I know I can always fall again. I have thought of this often over the last 12 weeks!

Yesterday was a really hard day for me. I faced some issues that have needed facing for along time. I helped someone along the way and I believe now that true healing has finally begun! I am sure we have more days like this ahead of us but I do not fear them, rather I embrace them because I know they hold the future of my family and our happiness!

So, with the above said, I would like to remain a part of the abs board for a bit longer. I can not say that I won't choose to have a glass of wine on date night with my husband in the weeks to come though. I can say however, that choice if made, will be a CONSCIENCE one based NOT on emotion or the fact that I had a really bad day. I am not sure in all fairness that by saying this I am able to remain a part of this group. So please let me know your thoughts on this! Really, however feel, I will still pop in and make a complete nuisance of myself! :D

Those are my thoughts after being here for three months. I hope I have not bored you all!

Donna

Yes, Gabby, Jane's right...the rest of us are nice! Just kidding!
Deirdre, your words are so true for me, too. You are so perceptive and honest. I, too want to be what I used to be, before abusive drinking. I just want to get drunk and feel good---and that isn't even happening anymore--just drunk and stumbling....
I had 16 days of abs..been drinking this weekend 3 days....I'm back on abs..going to get supps..yesto and others suggest MWO's supps as superior to others, so I may order those....but I really think I need to start supps now, or I can't abs.
This is the 1st Monday of my summer vacation...my summer to experiment w/altered state of conscienceness (abs vs mod) and make decision on how best to live the rest of my life...I have never read a self-improvement book, just like to do things my way. My perfectionist will got me through 16 days of abs, but I'm realizing I can't depend upon it---I believe this is what people call "white knuckling" it. The first 10 days were so easy for me, I couldn't believe it. Now, reality has set in, and I know it's going to be a struggle...so off to get supps, and I will consider topo, if supps don't help.
I'm also working out at my ladies gym (circuit training) and trying to eat healthy foods, starting today. I only lost 2 pounds in my 16 days of abs, and I want (need) to lose 40. (AAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHH!) Well, I guess that's what summer is for...a break from the hard stressful job, and a chance to reflect, rest and restore oneself.
I alos love to garden and read and craft and nap, so have to get them going, in the right order.
Take care, my friends, until tomorrow...
Anni