Day 21

For many shame-based reasons, it is always easier to acknowledge our flaws than our good features. Perhaps, in the beginning, we sought modesty over vanity when we learned to focus on imperfections. Since we didn't want to be conceited, we downplayed our good qualities until we forget they existed. But even the best intentions can backfire.
To recover is to comprehend truth. And the truth is, there is much that is right about us. The very fact that we are thinking, reflecting, and meditating, says many good things about us...-that we are open minded, sincere, and willing to make an effort.
Untill we accept the whole truth, our reality is based on a partial truth. Habitual self-depracation isn't a virtue; it's a handicap that needs to be eliminated.

"I am a good person, and I am becoming better every day. I will not define myself by my flaws" :d

I'm back! Last week was full of work and vol work. This week started off with a message from our neighbor saying our cat has been beating up her cats and he's NEVER to come in their yard again. Our cat is now under house arrest when we're not home. I hope he will learn to about :P

It all started when the neighbors adopted a male kitten. They tried to give him away but they got attached to him.

We're headed to a bike ride in NC this weekend with 3 friends. I rented a beautiful room with 5 bedrooms so everyone can have their own room. Yesterday I get a call saying they have sold the house, the new owner paid cash and wants immediate occupancy so we can't stay there......last night I spent 2+ hours searching the net for another house. I think I found one and will call this a.m.

Drink count...hmmmm June is not stellar like May. I'm in the 14-20 count/week. Want to be 9 or less. This week I have abstained Mon-Tues and feel SO much better.

Judie's quote about imagination yesterday rang so true for me! Last week I was in a fuss about planning a trip to see the 'last-of-the-living' relatives. It won't be as bad as I keep imagining and I've been dreading making some phone calls because I haven't called in a long time. But it won't be so bad, right?

Happy 1st Day of Summer. It will be in the low 90s here. ugh.

Lois

Okay, Judie, so according to your affirmation, even though I had a few drinks last night (and the night before and the night before that, and so on), I get to count the fact that I

have a good sense of humor
truly care about others
have worked hard to raise my daughter by myself
am a great cook ol
support and nurture others in my work and life
recycle diligently
look a little younger than 50:rollin
and other stuff--too early to think about it


I agree 100%. Those of us with drinking problems likely do focus too much on our faults and give ourselves too little compassion--compassion that we need and deserve. In my case, too, it is a compassion that I readily give to others, but not nearly so often to myself!

It's funny that, as I write this, I worry about sounding "conceited", when, in fact, the good things that I wrote about myself are really just TRUE, and things that I do take pride in, despite the fact that I have a drinking problem! But yet, it makes me feel very vulnerable to say them.....

Anyway, thanks for the post Judie. I hope your headache is better.

Lois, it is so good to see you back on the boards! I hope your trip plans work out okay!!

Also, I did again drink moderately last night. I wasn't counting, but from looking at the bottle, it looked like 2-3 glasses, a little bit over 1/2 750ml bottle.

Hope everyone else pops in today!

Love, Kathy

Morning everyone.

Thanks for the quote, Judie. Like you felt my tears from last night and this morning. Scott went on a cleaning rampage last night, biting his tongue, all the while I'm knowing what he is thinking...
He has a horrible firery temper and my cleaning habits have been a frequent point of contention. I try to keep things neat and tidy. We have cleaning ladies come in 2x per month. Why I can't keep the house looking show case ready is beyond him. I feel like I'm cleaning all the damn time! He started complaining that there's "always" laundry on the bed (that I've collected, sorted, washed, dried, folded, and am preparing to put away), the kids rooms are always trashed, there are piles of bills on the dining room table (one was pictures and posters I was going to have framed for him and the kids, the other was bills he asked me to pay, and some of his work stuff and the warranty stuff from the new vaccuum), etc , etc, etc.... He doesn't understand why things are where they are, why there are still halloween costumes in the laundry room...
Just made me feel really useless like I used to feel months ago when I would sit on the couch and drink wine every night and feel fat and let the house go. Now I have so much going on, and am so motivated to be involved in so much.... but guess I still such at being Pinky Spotless.
Don't really get it, cuz his mother is a horrible housekeeper. She calls me a neat freak!!!!!!
Anyhow, I had a meltdown, feeling really low, like I STILL can't make him happy after how hard I've worked these past several months.

Why can't things just be easy? I don't work for God's sake. I don't sit around either, save my hour or two (used to be more, but not these days) on the computer. Never watch TV.
I struggle to keep my weight down.
I struggle to not drink so much.
I struggle to be a good mom
I struggle to keep the house clean.

And I was feeling pretty good about myself... and had TOLD him that it was a busy wkend with Father's day and our Anniversary, cleaning had taken a back seat, but I had Wed all morning to do it, which I planned. Told him that BEFORE his rampage. So it really hurt.
He said "I don't understand. The days I stay home with the boys I can keep the house spic and span"
He apologized this morning.
I'm not happy.
Becca

PS: I did not drink yesterday. Today might be another story. I promise I won't overdo it...
I have NO MOTIVATION to clean now...... isn't that just the a**kicker??

Hey Becca,

Maybe some of his anger at you is really displaced anger at his mom, and it is really his problem, even though he takes it out on you. I understand why you don't want to clean--if you are working your butt off and it is still not good enough, why would you want to work harder?

I'm sorry you are feeling so low. Please re-read Judie's post. Try to define yourself and not let your husband define you. We all need approval, but sometimes other peoples' stuff gets in the way of seeing you clearly, sweetie! Good job on not drinking yesterday. Keep on trying in the drinking department.

Your favorite neighborhood shrinky dink.
Love,
Kathy

Happy Summer Solstice!! Yeah!appy It's really here!

Welcome back Lois! :d We missed you...Biking in SC sounds like fun. You get around, Don'tcha?

Kathy, that quote kinda hit home with me too. It seems like I can never take a compliment, without first minimizing it, somehow:rolleyes . Think that comes from my upbringing, never quite being able to do things "good enough" to please my Dad(the Ol Hard Ass) He taught me how to work hard though, I will give him that...:p

Ohh Becca, You need to come hang out with me on the river for a few days! I'll bet we could get into all kinds of trouble! Or not!! We could just behave famously and kayak our butts off & get beautifully toned & tanned!
Let your Hubby do what you do for a day or 2 or 3 & see how that house looks... with him working or not!:eek

My Hubby goes on cleaning binges every once in a while too. That's when I can't find find anything for a few months after!! Our house is a combination of Summer camp, Hurricane aftermath, Dog House, Volunteer firefighter gear, kayak gear, Radio Shack odds N Ends....Put it this way...It's verrrryy LIVED IN...appy Not for the faint of heart...:rollin
Dishes are clean, bathroom is clean, works for me!

Hey Becca,

Have your hubby take a tour of our place.
He'll come home and hug your knees while begging forgiveness.

Trust me.
Helen

uuhhhggg.......i need to go workout! Last post gotta share it tho.
Ok.....this one self help group thingie I did. One of the exercises we had to do was (after gettin to know each other a bit) in a group, everyone had paper and wrote compliments about each person. We took turns. The group took like 5 mins to write about a designited person. So there ya are while everyone is writeing about you....you just sit there lookin at the wall or celing or something....la de da dah....Or you could choose to write compliments to yourself. Then everyone shares outloud. And the person that is gettin the compliments.......cannot say anything but thanks. period. No saying" on no not really" or anything like that. They just have to sit there and suffer hearing the compliments. Then each person gave the piece of paper to that person to keep. It was so amazing. Learning to recieve compliments is hard. We are taught its a concieted thing if you believe it much less repeat it. And the other thing. Also to be recieved. To give someone a compliment that they take in instead of the ole....I just got it at walmart thing. And one more thing. Here is a group of people, now one knows what each other is writing, but a lot of thing are repeated between the people. So heres a common compliment that people are giving you about YOU.....ya kinda gotta take a listen to that. Fun exersize! Maybe we could try it online somehow. Gabby

Kathy and Becca, Gee...I need to go back and re-read Judys post too. Becca that story sounds so familiar. With out knowing anymore details all I can say is keep workin on the marriage part too. And somehow get hubby to as well. We let years go by not getting the core things addressed and then it gets to the part of to late. The worst part is that you lose you in the process. I somehow covered all of that up with alcohol. Be Careful!!!! Hope Im not putting a bummer tone on
this. sorry gabby