day 25

"Causes bring about effects. In human behavior, we tend to get what we do... If what we do is shout a lot & shake our fists, what we get is a shortage of people who want to be around us. If what we do is withdraw & hide, what we get is loneliness & an ever-deepening sense that we are not like-able.
If what we do is get involved with people who are too selfish or crippled to hold up their end of a loving relationship, what we get is a broken heart - perhaps over & over again. On the other hand, if what we do is concentrate on making ourselves healthier & more generous people, what we get is genuine readiness for a relationship that can work! And if what we do is consistently work our program, what we get is joyous recovery!appy
Instead of complaning about the effects of our behavior, we could better spend our time by looking at the behavior itself. We do have choices!

Morning All!

I think I am going to get a sticky note and put it on my computer with everyone's name on it, because I am feeling very remiss about all the people now on the moderation board that I don't know much--maybe now that my mom is leaving I'll be paying better attention and will learn about everyone better.

Boy your quote hits a little too close to home this morning, Judie!!! Lonliness is probably the biggest bull's eye of all. I DO take responsibility for that--I need to be more proactive about meeting people. The only thing the quote doesn't cover is the fear about finding new relationships....and how to work through that. That is what I am struggling with. I want to go out and meet new friends, both male and female, but it is hard getting into the right mindset, which IS being open and generous of spirit, but also ready to cope with some disappointment on that road.

In the past few days, two of my friends here have had some profound difficulties in their lives come up, and it has made me realize how blessed I am currently, even with the problems that I do have. So I will be there for them, as needed.

It's rainy and dreary here, but we need rain badly, so I am gratefull for that.

Well, I'm off! I've got to get ready to drive my mom up to Pennsylvania to meet my sister for the mom hand off!ol

Hugs,:d
Kathy

Well,
I'm starting my July plan early.
You all get to hear my secret.
I was supposed to go on that group run this morning, but my stupid period started yesterday and I was MISERABLE. Got in 2 fights with hubby, nearly crying both times, went to a birthday party and drank 3 slow beers... no prob. Then got home and for some damn stupid reason got into the white wine at like 9pm, poured myself a glass, said it was the "only one", then had like 3 more... stayed up til midnight a-sippin away and felt like sh*t with cramps and a headache when 6am rolled around this morning.
So blew it BIG time with my plan. Seriously don't think I could have run with the cramping like this anyhow, but didn't need the added insult. Counted it out. Neither race should land during "THAT TIME" thank Goodness.

OK, so I've been sticking to my June plan pretty well, except for missing an alcohol free day here and there which is not good, I know I need them. Drink count though (I'm gonna get some eyebrow raising and crooked looks for this) does add up to mid 20's or 30ish when you add 3 drinks on a few days, then my "drink per hour" days... which can be up to 6,7, or even 8 on a longer day. (ie: start 4pm, end midnight, 1am) Spread em out, add em up,.. that's why I keep that diary. Yeah, yes, it beats the old 12-13 whatever of every friday and saturday... or 2 btls of wine here and there.... you know.

July (which starts Today for me): I must run more miles per week than the number of drinks I have.
2 wks ago: 8. 5 miles, 30ish drinks
last wk (ending yesterday): 12 miles, 30ish drinks
so I'm drinkin 3 times as much as the amt. of miles I'm running. This is a huge undertaking and a good healthy one too! If I wanna keep drinkin that much, I better get my a** moving!
Actually, I don't want to keep that 30ish pace up. Down into the teens is more like it. Then running about 20 miles a week.
I'm so disappointed I missed my run this morning. Wrote an email to my coach already... even told her I drown my girl problems in white wine.....Hey, I don't want this ever to happen again, I've done too well and come too far! Just a blip. I'll make up the 7 miles. Maybe make it 8...

OK, that's my plan. Starts today.
Becca

Good going Becca, not last night of course:x , but I will say that I admire your honesty and your continuing to strive to do better than before. I think that your new plan sounds great!! You're gonna earn those drinks, girl! Keep on trucking!

Hugs,
Kathy

Hey ya'll! Just siitin' here trying to wake up after another busy night... and I picked up another shift this week, because one of the other girls is going to be out of town for some special occasion. I can't believe I used to do double shifts during the Festivals in Telluride! That's insane:eek ...No wonder I'm grey & wrinkled already!! I was thinking it was MARRIAGE!appy

Kathy, I can't believe you would find it a challenge to meet new people... Your'e so open & genuine on the boards, I'd love to meet you in person! You know what they say, "Try not to have any expectations"....RIGHT!! I wonder who ever came up with one?:rolleyes ol I prefer to think of it as being pleasantly suprised! It can happen!:P

Oh and say Goodbye to Mom for me! Glad you two had such a great visit:d



Becca, Well, here it is almost the end of June already, and I've yet to have any AF days... I didn't exactly promise myself I would...But I did have it @ the bottom of my Moderation Plan. I guess, there ya have it. I had it @ the bottom of the plan as an after thought...:rolleyes and that's where it's stayed. Guess I'm just a Mods gal @ heart appy I'm sure I will go ABS again at some point, but that's something I think I need to mentally prepare myself for, and do more than just a day or so...Timing...

Hope ya feel better soon. I know I'm dreading this next week myself... hopefully, the worst of it will fall on my days off & I won't have to stab anyone with a fork!:evil >: There should be a labor law... no working allowed during "that time"... HARZARDOUS!!for everyone nearbyol

:eek ol I just saw a bunch of posts from later yesterday, after I'd gone to work... so, I'll respond down here... Hope I don't miss anybody... apologize in advance, if I do!

Mary, How's your son doing today? Decided yet on the Europe trip? That must be weighing heavy on ya... Hang in there sweetie. Good job on not going overboard the other night. I don't blame ya for having that feeling, you must be getting overwhelmed with all of this on your plate. I do think this program "re-wires" us though. I catch myself having logical thoughts at the strangest times... that sure never used to happen!!ol

Mary Ann, How was the horse back ride? Do you have your own horses? That's on my list! I've never had my own, but grew up around horses(our neighbors always had them, so I was able to ride all the time when I was a kid) I sure miss that! Miss some of those Colorado cowboys too! Damn! Never mind... I'm married now... thanks for the memories! "Save a Bull....Ride a Cowboy"appy

Marcie, MIL & SIL, sound like a PIA**!They probably wouldv'e just gotten in the way anyhow!! Did ya get the shed finnished? Good to see ya on board here!:d

Tawny, Glad ya had a good time! I wish I had been there! I remember(barely)at my 21st B-day party @ my uncle's bar, I kept loosing my beer glass. So they rubber banded it onto my wrist! Guess I come from a REAL PROFESSIONAL drinkin family!:p :rollin ::rolleyes

Happy Sunday to you all!! Mary , my sentiments also w/ your son(don't know if I said that in a previous post, but I have 2.....still too young to get into trouble w/ the law...well, maybe not 12 and 14!:rolleyes ?) Riding yesterday was wonderful, but HOT!!!! It was about 90 degrees at 6PM, which was cool compared to the 101 degrees earlier!:eek I have two cool horses (very expensive and time consuming!) Used to have a horse back when I was 21, now 20 yrs later I am doing it again....(was on my wish list for a while) Cool meditation at the beginning of the day St. jude....keep up the good work everyone, and thanks for all the support!! :d

Mary Anne

Just a little depressed cuz I drank alot yeaterday and can't stop...........anyone ever been there?!:x :c

Oh Mary Anne,
Been there? Beeeeen there??? Oh sweet heart my lovely friend, AM there!
I'm pissed at myself today for drinkin more than I planned on last night!
Here's some inspiration though: IT'S BETTER THAN IT WAS BEFORE I FOUND THIS PROGRAM, THAT'S FOR DAMN SURE!
You just got here, so please don't get discouraged. Get some good days under your belt, cuz then you can look at them and have them to be proud of and build on.
My bad days are half of what they used to be, so that part is the "better" part I'm talking about. Not nearly as frequent, and not nearly to the extent.
I'm still a work in progress, big time! Revising all the time.
Do you have all your stuff yet? supps and such?
Just stay close as you have, Mary Anne. Keep at it:d .
Can you get a few abs days under your belt? It helps at the beginning.
GOOD LUCK!!!!
Becca

Am starting today as "My day one" abs....it is Monday and (no I still don't have ANYTHING!!!) Ordered the book, and topa, have some of the supps, which I took one day last week, but want the book so I wil know correct way to take! Mail service is like a snail in this small town, and being in the country makes it worse!! Also I have read that customs can hold for a week on the topa from canada! i will keep w/ it and have a really positive outlook for the day!!!:D :rollin

Mary Anne:b