Day 28 Check In

Hey There My Abtaining Friends!

How does that song go by good old Frank Sinatra..."Got the world by string sitting on rainbow"....and then POOF, someone comes along and cuts your string and pushes you right off your rainbow, and you find yourself standing there wondering what the hell just happened. Well you know what, pretty much since the day I started this program I have felt like that old Frank song mentioned above and I gotta tell ya it has been one hell of a ride, until yesterday that is.

I must admit quite honestly that I have not found this to be that difficcult. Certainly there have been moments that I have had to work harder than others to keep myself on track of course, but it has been a track I have so gladly stayed on that an extra walk, or an extra listen to the cds, or taking an extra calms forte didn't seem like a big or price to pay to "maintain the course". Well, all of this was quite true until yesterday when someone, who I thought by the way was a friend, came along and out of flipping nowhere cut my string, and pushed me right off my rainbow.

I must say I was MAD AS HELL!! I was being judged. (of course about drinking). I do not judge others, I never have, and so when somone stands in judgement of me it sure does get my dander up. So, to make a VERY long story short I found myself having to use every tool at my disposal yesterday to maintain my course because there was no way I was going to let this twit's judgements let all of my hard work of the last nine weeks go down the drain in a matter of hours.

So, I washed all the wood floors in my house, I cleaned the bathrooms, I did some laundry, I went for a drive by the lake with the windows down and cranked the song by Elton John "Bitch is Back"...you know the one..."Stone cold SOBER as a matter of fact", I went shopping and bought a new shirt, I bought myself some flowers, I helped my lovely daughter get ready for the prom, I emailed a good friend from here and poored my heart out....I simply kept moving!!

By the end of the day I was wore out! I was still mad as hell for being judged but, I was very proud of the fact that I didn't let the judgements, or the small minded thoughts of one person let me loose sight of my goals. It was not easy, I will admit to that. It took alot of effort on my part to keep moving and not buckle, but in the end it was well worth the effort I put forth.

Never, when I was writng to you all about obstacles yesterday and Friday did I see this obstacle of my own coming in such an overwhelming magnitude, and I must say it took me by surprise to say the least. But, I guess that is the whole thing about obstacles isn't it, you don't see them coming, they do take you by surprise, and you have to be ready to stand strong and face them and not let them shake your conviction. It is easier said than done, this I know, this I have learned.

So sorry for the long post this morning folks but truly yesterday was an eye opening experience for me and one that I wanted to share with you.

I do hope you all are not having such overwhelming obstcacles to contend with this Holiday Weekend, but if you are, stay your course and don't forget, we are here for support!!

CDS:
Subliminal, and Sleeplearning.
Everything else is the same.

The weather here is just beautiful and it should be around 85. I hope evryone has a GREAT day!!

Donna

Great Job Donna! You are an inspiration.This can seem easy until someone throws a wrench in the works and then you really have to have to work at it. And you did!!!I love that Elton John song .And how appropriate!!!You now have clean floors, a new shirt and hopefully a daughter who had a good time at her prom. Much better than a hangover!!!!
This is not an easy weekend but I knew it wouldn't be. I am thankful because I bumped into a friend who told me she and another woman who I know went to a great wine-tasting. She said it was wonderful and they were sorry they did not have time to call me.Boy did I dodge a bullet there. Thankfully they did no have time to call me. The last thing I need now is a winetasting evening. Just want to make it through May
Have a good day all!!
Janet

Good morning,
Donna you should be proud of yourself that you didn't cave yesterday, I know I'm proud of you! Congrats on making through a rough day.

We had severe storms overnight. Tornado sirens were going off at 1:30 this morning. Didn't have a tornado, but bad storms. We had the TV on and the weather man said it was raining at a rate of 7.5 inches an hour!! Of course my basement is all wet this morning, so that's what we will be doing today, cleaning up. It's going to be a hot one today (90's) and more storms in store for tonight.

Have a great day all!
Marcie

Good morning all,

Thanks for the heads up on the weather marcie! I'll be ready!

Today is Day 39 of abs. Can't believe it!

Donna - so glad that you used yesterday's anger to accomplish so much. You didn't say exactly what your "friend" did or said, but it clearly upset you a great deal. I still haven't seen my good friend who said "call me when you can drink again ..." We made plans to have coffee this weekend, so maybe tomorrow.

It must feel great to have gotten so much done! All your floors clean, laundry, etc. Hope to that myself today. Was going to be a whirlwind of productivity yesterday, but possible bladder infection. Thanks to all my chat buddies who helped me out with that one. NEVER had one before ...
feeling much better today. Still not well enough to want to drink, tho.

So, I am going to go at it full clip today. Cat is getting shaved as we speak and for an extra 5 bucks she is going to brush his teeth. And, the girl did NOT look stupid. Must be a "cat" whisperer or something. Also, laundry, washing car, and buying batteries for new camera. Must also learn how to use it ... not as easy as I thought.

I know that this weekend will be harder for some than for others - so if you are struggling, keep coming back to boards. This is the best place to be!!

Take care all,
Pansy

Pansy,

It is the fact that I was being judged by someone about my drinking, and the fact that this person did not think I was able to get my act together. I have spent so much time beating myself up about this whole situation to begin with, I certainly do not need unsolicited comments from people claiming to be my friends.

Certainly in this case it goes back to the lesson we were taught as children that, "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones". I dare say if my husband pops in here today and takes a look at these posts he will be quite surprised. He spent yesterday on a sailboat race so really has no idea the state I was in. I guess I am kind of greatful for that though. It gave me the chance to prove to myself just how strong my own convictons really are!

Donna

Donna, great job staying strong & making the best of that situation! Unfortunately, people really can be bumbling idiots! And worse, actually zeroing in on your vulnerability, and then attacking?...that's the lowest!!! >:

It helps me to remember, when someone oversteps their bounds, that most of the time they really are talking about themselves. Even if this person doesn't have a drinking problem, she obviously believes that SHE can not overcome her own challenges in life, and is projecting that shortcoming onto YOU.

With all the hard work you've done and the sense of accomplishment you rightly feel, to have someone discount that is simply an outrage! I don't know who this person is to you, but if you don't get a heartfelt apology from her, of her own volition, I would seriously consider getting her out of your life if possible. You don't need the stress and you don't need her placing doubt in your mind.

It's time for us to see things & people for what they really are, now that our eyes are open. We don't need enemies in our midst. Surely we can still love them and feel compassionate towards them because we have good hearts, but let's just love them from a distance, for the sake of our own quality of life and peace of mind!

Anyway, good going!

Deirdre

Deirdre,

So true, so true, so true! To me what is the outrage is this persons lack of compassion when such unconditional compassion was given on my part time and time again. Really, as I said, it is a very long story, but at this point it really is of no matter to me any more, and harbor no ill feelings.

Yes, yesterday was hard, and I was HOPPING MAD! But today I see things not through anger but more through a quiet resolve. I don't even feel the need for an apology because I am well aware of what lead me down that hellish road, I am well aware of who stood by side as I fought my way back, and I am well aware of where I am headed. And ya know what Deirdre, that person is in none of those pictures.

It IS time to see people for who they really are, but I do caution you all to be careful here. Forgiveness is a powerful tool, and can be an amazing healer in relationships that have gone ary. And there is something to be said about time healing wounds...I am not so sure about ALL wounds... I guess I am still waiting to see about that one!

Thanks so much for your thoughts Deirdre!

Donna

Yes, and time wounds all heels, too!:rollin I truly believe that what goes around comes around, without our having to do a thing!

Good work, Donna, on keeping your head above water in the storm, and rowing your boat to shore safe and sound. It is so important to be able to do that! I think one of the differences between those of us who abuse alcohol and those who don't is that we routinely use alcohol to deal with strong feelings, and as we are learning to abstain or moderate, we must learn to deal with our feelings in other ways. Thanks for sharing your experience with us, Donna. You went through the wringer, and you didn't cave!

Hugs,
Kathy

Hi Donna,

One thing that I have learned (took me long enough) is that when people say hurtful things or are rude and inconsiderate, it says more about them than it does about me (or you).

Another thing taught to me by a very wise friend, years my junior, is "if it smells bad, don't step in it."

Sounds to me like the things your "friend" says are toxic - I'm not suprised this person benefited from all your support and kindness over the years. Suck up the support and then spit it back in your face with some negative statement. Perhaps you are seeming a little too healthy these days? Maybe so-called friend needed to drag you down a bit.You don't need that.

You have accomplished what few people have. Not many who love to drink find their way to abstension as you have done. You have supported many on this board and are looked up to by many.

So, maybe don't step in her stuff next time she calls -
Pansy