Talk To Me

Not doing as well as I had hoped with the program. I take the supps, listen to the CD's (although not every day), exercise, etc. I WANT to get better, but............I know it's all about me and what's going on in my head. Why can't I stop it?
The family wedding I have in July will be a crazy event - my sister is marrying a fellow that my Dad does not like - at ALL - my Dad and his future son-in-law both have major attitudes and strong personalities...I will need to stay sober and careful the whole time....it could get ugly.
I do so well as a caregiver - that is when I am at my best. When I feel that someone I love needs me - I put on my cape and fly to the rescue.
Why can't I find a way to put on that cape to rescue myself?
wekkseasoned

Hi Wellseasoned,

I know that feeling all too well. It is not as easy to put it on for ourselves for some reason. It took me almost three years and my own sanity to put that cape on for myself, I hope you can get get yours on quicker!

Is there a way that you can simply seperate yourself from your family if even for a week just to give yourself a good head start with the abs? Can we start with that question?

Donna

Hey Wellseasoned--
In some ways I don't think any of us do as well as we hope... I think we underestimate just how difficult this is and then we wonder why we can't just make a decision to abstain or moderate and then that's it...done, over, dealt with that problem.... Don't beat yourself up, this just is not that easy. That said, it's worth the effort in the long run because, well, what's the alternative? I mean, none of us want to go back to the place we were when we first came to this site...so, just keep plugging on, doing the best you can. We're all the same boat and we can all paddle together! (Sorry, got a bit carried away with the metaphor there!)

I am also a big caretaker of others...I seem to just click "on" when someone needs my help or asks for advice...for myself, though, not so much...it's just so much harder to be able to see ourselves the way we can see others! It's like trying to look at your own face without a mirror--can't do it! We need to see our reflection though someone else's eyes--that's why these types of support groups work so well...we not only help each other, but we can see ourselves in others as well.

Sorry, if that sounded too pompous or preachy! And I think Donna's suggestion is right on target--see if you can get a bit of a break from the family scene BEFORE the wedding.... maybe gain some perspective by giving yourself a little space.

Most of all, though, stay in touch so that we can be here for you....
Hugs, susan

Hi Wellseasoned,
Do take care of yourself first. It is tough to accept the idea that is not selfish to do this. Once you are well balanced, you can take care of others. Right now you cannot give what you do not have. This is one illness that will not go away by itself. Its progressive, waiting patiently for our time of weakness, so it can take whatever peace we have. Keep posting honestly. Those who've had the greatess success here share often I've noticed.

Donna's advice is great too. Perhaps even a day away with a AF friend-since being alone is no guarantee we'll be sober. Love yourself today.

Blessings,
Lori

You are all such GREAT folks - thank you so much for your kind and helpful responses. Time away alone would be awesome - just don't know how to make it happen. My husband and I run a small business and it is very difficult to take time off. I have a flexible schedule that I can incorpoate the CD's, exercise, etc. into, but must make my way into the office for at least 6 or more hours a day. I am thinking of adding the Topamax - just don't want to go through my doctor. Any suggestions on how to order online? I did not want to take the Topa but fell that I might stand a better chance with it.
What do you guys think?
Thanks again and have a super spectacular Tuesday!
wellseasoned

Hi Wellseasoned,
Like the holidays this time of year can be tough as there are so many family events that are stressful. I have,for now decided to do the program without the topo so I can't address that issue. what I can say is that the events that i believe are going to stress me out and lead me to drink don't but when I least expect it I'm stumbling over a little emotional nothing.We are stronger than we think. It also seems as if this will be a situation you'll have to deal with over a long period of time as in-laws don't go away.Is your sister stressed out or do you absorb the stress in her place? Also some situations we perceive might be stressful end up not being as bad as we thought.
My parents despised my husband when I married him 25 years ago and they now respect and love him.
No matter what you can get through it.We are here for you.
good luck
Janet

Hi Wellseasoned,

I know how hard it is to get away! I am starting to plan now for a TWO day get away in August. As far as the topa goes, it is very helpful. Many people go their doctor and get it prescribed for migraines. With your family situation such as it is, this may not be too hard for you to pull off ...LOL!

However, I do understand your hesitation. I looked through some old posts for you to find some websites that others have ordered from. There are two listed on a thread on page 8 in General Discussion. The thread is called "Topomax", and it was started by 'babyrichgirl'. I sure hope this helps you out Wellseasoned!!

Donna

Thanks, ALL!!
I have ordered the Topamax - drugdelivery.ca website. I know it is more expensive, but I just do not want to take the chance that my doc would include this in my permanent medical file. My husband and I pay for group health insurance for our employees and the company looks for every and any reason to raise our rates. It is probably cheaper for me in the long run not to run it through my insurance. Also, my son suffers from migraine headaches on occasion and when the docs have prescribed Tiopamax or any other drug for his headache they are very stingy in their supply. Even if I was to claim migraines as the reason I needed the prescription, I don't think the doc would write it for the amount I need to complete the 12 week recommended dosage.
So....while this is not the way I want to approach obtaining the topa, it is the only way for me right now. I am a bit concerned about side effects - any advice? I know it sounds crazy, but I am a health nut in every area of my life except my wine consumption. I exercise, take supplements, drink tons of water, drink organic milk, etc. Go figure! An wino who is also a health nut. Yep, that's me - wine-nutty!!!!
Have a wonderful day, everyone and thanks for being there for me. You are all AWESOME HUMAN BEINGS!!!!!
wellseasoned

Dear Wellseasoned,

Good luck with the Topamax. I am afraid to take it, because of the side effects, but I know it has helped so many here. Please let us know how you tolerate it. I agree, with not wanting it on your medical record. Better to pay out of your pocket, smart move on your part.

I just wanted to add, that nothing is harder than family issues.Yes, you are a wonderful caregiver, it's obvious from your posts.

We all have different roles in life we play. Being a wife and mother are easy roles for me. But being the daughter and sister role is a challenge, and causes me anxiety.

Maybe you can decide before you attend the wedding which role you are playing? The Observer Role, usually works best in situations like this for me. To just kick back, watch and, say as little as possible.

I agree it would be better not to drink, and remain in control. Leave your cape at home for this event.

Best wishes,
Miss Layla

Hi Wellseasoned,

RJ discusses topa at legth in her book beginning on page 90. You will find the proper dosing schedule on page 119, and side effects discussed starting on page 130. It is VERY important to follow the dosing schedule and take note of how you are feeling!

I experienced tingling, and some brain fog at the higher doses. For the most part however topa pretty much has made me more focused and full of energy than I have been in a long time. This is NOT the norm...I however have been told on more than one occasion I am not the norm...LOL! Must be the middle child syndrome!

If you have any more questions please let me know and I will see if I can help!!

Donna

Oh, and I have lost weight. I am back down to the weight I was two and a half years ago when my nightmare began!!