I am so mad at myself.......

[Gia]

Personally, I think if you have something to say, just say it to him. Get it all out; if the email bothers you...bring it up. If you don't it will nag on you later and you'll still think about it. You have to find some closure in this. You don't want it to tear you apart. You will hear things you don't want to hear, and they will probably hurt but you have to find some inner peace in this. And by the sounds of it, you want answers to your questions.

[lukalee]

Uni, did you come across these emails because you were "snooping". If so, there is surely a trust issue going on. Dig deep. Is it because of what he did, or of because of past hurt? We need to be rid of past hurt before we can fix anything in the present.
If it is because of him, tell him you saw the email. Explain how you felt which led to reading them.

[vera-b]

Uni,

I may be all wet, but here's some thoughts I think there are some common themes here. The first is to be open and honest. It's the foundation of any good relationship. If you snooped his email, come clean. Tell him you had lingering doubts about his summer activity and that's why you snooped. I think a sincere apology for snooping should probably follow the confession. Trust cuts both ways, and we all need to honor the privacy of even our closest loves.

Is it time to have the discussion about where the relationship is going? If the 2 of you truly have a future, there really shouldn't be some old baggage that could pop its ugly head up when you least want it to. I think your therapist has you on the right track (I read this on the other thread). Clear the air, enjoy a special event (make a particularly romantic dinner, or go out) and keep coming here. Because a whole lot of people who have left the drinking train are finally seeing all the wonderful people in this world, and you're one of them.

V.

[universal]

K - we talked, i didn't tell him about the email but I did confess my fears etc......I did tell him how much he hurt me last summer and how upset I was about the boat and the "other woman".
He completely acknowledged how badly he treated me, completely acknowledged that back then he wasn't ready for anything serious, should have been more respectful of my feelings. He still adamantly refuses that nothing happened between them (which I believe) but does admit that he was curious about her. Which is fair. I knew that, just needed him to admit and acknowlede it.
So I feel better. He is with me, he was honest, he acknowledged my fears and my feelings, talked them through with me, didn't get angry, resentful or upset about me bringing them up, was actually sad that I was feeling that way and was glad that I was willing to talk to him about it.

I think I have a good guy.

thanks guys for all of your help and for listening to me vent. I appreciate all of your advice. Means a lot to me. Love you all,
uni

[lukalee]

Excellent!!! I am so glad you are feeling much better!!!

[Bessie]

Sorry I'm so late to this one but I'm glad I came in at the happy 'ending'. I know you will probably always be vulnerable to this but you did a great thing in talking your feelings through with him and he rose to the occasion for you! clap hands emoticon would be inserted here if I could find it! But I can find this one....

[one2many]

Sorry Uni, read this before I posted in the ODAT thread...so glad you got it sorted. Bet you feel so much better now having confronted him and said what you needed to say!
Well done for the way you handled it and yes, it does sound like you have a good guy.

A guy that can sit and discuss feelings????? yip, ya have a good one hon! lol

Have a great day hon,

lots of love,

o2m

[Gyco]

hi uni,i dated a girl back many years ago,we were gonna get married all the plans were made and she broke it off,not because of a weekend away,or a kiss,we had all that,it was how i treated her,she didnt like it and made a decision and left,at the time,i wasnt verry happy,but it was for the best,its 35 years later,and we both live seperate lives ,with someone else ,some how life has a way of workin its self out gyco