?

[jinja]

Yes, I’m sorry I have been drinking! Not loads!!!

Trying to understand why I want to leave…….. leave this world. I’m not suicidal, not in the act. But by God, I want to leave. I know the effects of AL are morose, but I truly don’t want to exist any more. Have felt for a long time when I drink. To erase my existence and be at peace. Please give me peace! I have two girls 7 & 5. Impossible

Previously oblivion.

But the sensation of no more………..peace & tranquillity.

I just don’t understand! I am trying so hard, but just want to disappear!!

But to even erase my total existence??? Ohhh, If I could.

x

[tlrgs]

sorry that you feel that way right now. but you are doing the right thing by coming here and venting it out.. yes i have felt the same at one point in time . and it has all change it just takes time . you have alot in life to live for your kids ,you ..yeah things dont look good right now but drinking doesnt help anything at all just get you depress so keep on writing down how you feel it will help . and there is of thing that you can try go to AAmeetings. to just be able to talk with someone . but please stay close to the site . and stay busy what ever it takes .. good luck and remember you can do this if not for you just for your kids hug them love them and it will all get better with time ...
peace ,love and god bless

[Dolly Sunshine]

I understand I have felt that way for years with or w/out AL. Some of us are just sad. The only thing that keeps me here at times are my kids. I'm glad you are here

[louise]

I too have often wished I could just go to sleep and not wake up. I would drink to feel better, which I did in the moment but then the next day I would be even more depressed. When I manage not to drink for several days I start getting less depressed. I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Are you getting any help for depression? If you can please put away the drinks and hang out here or contact a friend.

[brittzak]

I think many of us can relate to you. I have been so depressed at times I didn't think I could take another breath. Keep posting, hang in there. Your children need you.

[Finding My Self]

Jinja - just sometimes we can feel like this when we are actually getting somewhere, progressing .....it's not that we totally want to disappear but that we want the 'us' we were to move on, go away, leave once and for all - to leave room for the new us to start loving life..... And a sort of impatience sets in..... until it naturally happens and we find ourselves sort of in a new field, closing the gate on the old one once and for all....

Hang in there, love....it so could be 'change' and change feels weird, odd, not-very-nice but is, after all, what we have to do to leave this drinking lark behind us. It's only 'unfamiliar' - not truly wrong even if it feels it.

Keep smiling (even if you don't feel like it, it helps the inner chemistry) and I hope you feel better soon.

Keep us posted.

Love
FMS xx

[jinja]

I am ok in myself, coming off ADs but feeling this way 'numbed up' for a while. Just trying to 'understand' why ! Yes, maybe a primary makeup of self. Just so over whelming when so much joy is shouting at me and I am not wanting?

I weep for my children - maybe they are souls to teach me?

Why is this so f%#$@^ hard?

[hippie37]

Hi Jinja. Pick yourself up off the floor and get your arse over here to the UK and come and see ya uncle hippie who'll ease all your troubles away!!!.lol

If only life was that simple hey? Life? what the f***'s it all about?

I personally find that being alcoholic I tend to be self centred and I think the world revolves around ME. When I was growing up and strengthening my ideals there was a point where after those ideals where questioned my life took on a very negative approach. I couldn't see anything but all the horrible shit that was going on around me and I took it personally. I so wanted to change things but I couldn't and I eventually falsely got pleasure out of a misconceived idea that I was making a difference by being angry and bitter and drunk. At least I was doing something and getting pissed all the time!! "I'll show them!!" kind of attitude. The problem I've found recently is that I've been trying too hard to re-live those good times, before the insanity set in, rather than re-awaken them and get in touch with who I really am at this moment in time. Soul-searching can be very hard I think,(well it was for me!) as I had to start getting honest with myself first. I've not done that over a lot of things and until I really let go of my past I will never move forwards and be happy. Happiness is not something you find either...it finds YOU.

Jinja pm me if you need to and we can maybe have a chat if you want.

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

[louise]

I have dealt with depression in myself and other family members for years. Sometimes there is a "why" that triggers it, like some sort of loss. But I think some people are just predisposed to it - don't have enough of certain brain chemicals. There are times I have gotten depressed and had no idea what triggered it. 5 days without sun will do it even if all else is great. I'm sure you have a good reason for going off antidepressants but you may want to check with your dr. Some of what you are feeling may be because of going off too quickly. Is he/she going to switch you to a different one? It WILL get better. Exercise helps a lot. And yes, we all have much to learn from kids.

[dexterhead]

Hi Jinja: I have felt like that on and off for years. Antidepressants helped me feel "Ok" for the first time, but of course later on I started drinking too much and negating their effects. I think many of us on this site have many of the same issues ... I am so sorry you are going through this.