blondechicktoyou needs advice

[blondechicktoyou]

Alright I tried this once and it was lost in cyberland. I am almost 30 days sober, May 27th. My husband fell off the wagon big time, yesterday. With the Big Holiday weekend, he bought a 30 pack and proceeded to drink 15 beers, before passing out and burning, yet another hole in my carpet, which I cannot cover up. Then he proceeded to break 2 plates, while pulling them out of the cabinet. Mind you this was done in a AL blackout. Then he ate and passed out again, started coughing and puked on my coffee table, just a little, before he stumbled up and finished in the kitchen.

I was one pissed of momma! Our ten year old was asking "why is daddy drunk?" I honestly could not answer her. Then I decided I was going to test my sobriety and went to a local watering hole and drank iced tea until midnight and I didn't even want a beer. I was so proud of myself.

My question is: I don't think he has what it takes to stop. He doesn't want to do this for him, he is just doing it to keep me happy, until yesterday. What do I do?

[IAD]

He may need Detoxic.....First he has to clear his head...then he's going to need Doc's help. After that , maybe AA meetings, who knows. First he has to get his head together. Think with an open mind ! So he can really see what he's really throwing away ! IAD

[hippie37]

Until HE is ready to quit there is nothing YOU or anyone else can do. I tried quiting about 10 years ago but for all the same kind of reasons as your husband. I was merely doing it to get everyone else off my back and I was doing it for everyone else BUT me. I think for a lot of alcoholics they have to really reach their 'rock bottom' to finally seek the help they need. It's so difficult having a partner who is alcoholic who is not willing to help themselves as, I guess, you can start feeling a sense of responsibility for their drinking.

IAD is right though. First he has to clear his head and get some sober time under his belt, be that detox or AA or counseling. Prescription drugs like Antabuse which I took for a few months while getting sober really helped me STAY sober and have done for a lot of people on this forum. You then have time to work on all the psychological issues and 'mental' obsession with alcohol. But like I said if he is not willing to give it a try for the 'right' reasons i.e. HE truly wants to give up drinking then you may be in for a long hard struggle I'm afraid. Don't ever forget though that your sobriety still comes first. Sorry to sound so dismal but just wanted to explain truthfully from a fellow alcoholics point of view.

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

[Gia]

I'm sorry...

Everyone has given good advice; he has to want to do it for him, and for him alone. Very good on you though for only have the ice tea. That has become one of my favourite drinks lately, that and Pelegrino or Perrier with lemons.

[betty boop]

I'm sorry too ...........

I have to congratulate you on your own sobriety .......

Talk to your husband when he is sober .......... perhaps show him this site .......

All the best .......

BB xx

[KateH1]

Well, done on your own sobriety. Your 10 year old definitely deserves and needs at least one sober parent.

Everyone here is right. Each person has to make the decision and the comittment to get sober. Unfortunately this is usually not a "couples" sort of thing. Your husband sound like a very serious drunk. I hope that he will soon seek whatever help he needs to get sober. In the meantime, keep up the good work! Remember, this is your 10 year old's only childhood and all of this is affecting this child!

xx Kate

[blondechicktoyou]

Thank you all for your advice. I will try and get him to read this, but he thinks this site is a bunch of crap. I don't know how to get him to read it. I cannot go on much longer in this marriage, I have been unhappy and depressed for quite awhile. I think that I am going to file for divorce, if I can't get through to him.

[KateH1]

Gosh, Blondie, I really feel for you. It sure sounds like you not only want, but that you are willing to do whatever you need to do to turn your life around......bravo to you!

Unfortunately, when people WANT to continue to drink, they become quite beligerant to anyone that offers a way out! Sad, but true! The longer you stay AF, the more clear everything will become to you. We are here to support you......please be careful and take care of yourself and your child!

XXX Kate

[ownbestfriend]

Look at life from our child's viewpoint. Act from there. That innocence is truth. No blame. She loves you both and just wants you to be well. This is her life/lie (cos it is and we know it) too.