Finding it incredibly hard to quit...

[Danos]

Hi,

My name is Dan. Hopefully someone here has some advice or suggestions for me, as I know Im in a bad place right now and I really need a change before its too late.

Ive been drinking since I was 15, both my parents are alcoholics, and although Im not trying to make an excuse it certainly didnt help. I used to abuse alcohol so much during my late teens, I was locked up many times, I ended up in hospital 16 times with alcohol poisoning and 1 time I actually coded out. Going to a party and drinking a bottle or more of spirits, then waking up in the intensive care ward wasnt such a shock after a while.

I did get myself together to a point that I stopped drinking so hard before I killed myself, but I didnt stop drinking. I continued to get drunk all the time, always making a complete fool of myself and hurting the people I loved in the process. I blew a number of great opportunities, and lost a lot of good friends in the process. In 2003 I found an outlet and a passion in mountaineering and rockclimbing, and it has been my life ever since, but I still havent been able to stop drinking.

Which is what bothers me the most. I can find the discipline to wake up at 2am, after 3 hours sleep, and push myself physically to the limit without food or water for 24hours or more, but I cant walk by a liquor store without buying something. I get drunk and wake up the next day feeling like crap, swear I will stop drinking 'this is the last time', and of course the next day I'm back in the same liquor store. I know I need to be at my physical peak to do what I do, but I willingly am tearing myself down by drinking.

I started smoking when I was 16, and quit cold turkey very easily when I was 20 mainly for the fact I didnt want to die of lung cancer. Im totally aware of the range of ways alcohol can kill me, but still for some reason I keep going back to it. I make all the excuses I know everyone has made... drink to celebrate, drink to drown the sorrows, drink to relax etc etc. The fact that I know that I want to quit, and that I need to quit, but still keep letting myself drink, is driving me crazy.

I am 25 now, and in 10 years the best I've been sober is 2 months, which ended in an insane bender that almost cost me my life. Ive tried to quit drinking long enough now to know I cant do it alone.

Hopefully someone has a few words of advice, but if not thanks for reading my story and I wish you the best with your own journey.

Sincerely,
Dan.

[one2many]

Hi Dan,

Fair play to you for posting. My advice to you would be to get the book and start there, I cannot speak for myself as I have only just got it and havn't read it all yet, but most people here will tell you it is the best place to start.

This place is wonderful, so much support and we are all here to help each other.Stick around, read the posts and I am sure more people will reply to you later as they wake up around the world.

We are all in the same boat here and it is great to come here and finally be able to be honest with myself first and foremost and also with others.

It sounds like you are really tired and fed up with the way alcohol is ruling your life and coming here is the first step, I am a newbie myself but have found this place inspirational and have had more AF days in a month than I have in years and I also plan to do 30 days AF on Sep 1st with a few of the others.

I wish you the best of luck, glad you are here and look forward to reading your posts.

Love,

o2m

[marbella]

Dan

You don't mention if you've tried AA?

I haven't because I don't really feel it's for me and besides that the nearest meeting is 60 miles away from me but I guess I would have tried if it had been nearer- but it does seem to work for some.

Other than that I can't say much- there are loads of people here who are doing really well, and I am sure before long you will get advice from them.

I stopped smoking with Allen Carr's Quit Smoking book- I have just ordered his Quit Alcohol one, so here's finger crossed. Will keep you posted.

[one2many]

Marbella,

Have heard great reports about that book too..think I may order it aswell! Can't hurt!

[A Work in Progress]

Danos, good that you are here! Since you've been in and out of clinics and hospitals, I am sure you know about Antabuse... it can be a really good way to force yourself to get totally de-toxed for a good period of time, at least a month or two, while you put into place other tools of the MWO program, and get your mind/brain, emotions, straightened out...

best wishes,

wip

[Popeye]

Hi Danos,

Glad you found us.
I was also a very heavy spirit drinker and have almost drank myself to death more than once.
I know what you mean about willpower and walking past a liquer store. The hardest part about quitting booze for me is beating the initial temptation of actually buying it. It becomes a habit, but a malicious, self-destructive one of the worst kind. Keeping myself otherwise occupied is another thing that keeps me sane. If I want a drink and I sit and let the feeling fester, I become so obsessed with it that I almost always cave and go get some. If I'm busy then my mind will let go of the craving and pass on to other things.
Finding a passion for mountaineering and rock climbing is a wonderful thing. You're young and still fit. Think of the many years of fun and adventure ahead of you if you don't let alcohol ruin your chances.
Anyway, I look forward to your posts and would be very interested to hear of your climbing exploits.
Good luck to you.

[DogLvr]

Dan - I would recommend the supplements they suggest - L-Glutamine has been really helpful for me to curb my cravings and I'm also taking the super multi-vitamin and kudzu sometimes. If it's not so much the cravings but a ritual/habit of walking into the liquor store - I'd change your route so you don't even pass by it. I've also found that carrying around a bottled water or energy drink can stave off any pressure I get from friends.

This is a great community of people who are all fighting the same thing you are, even if it's at different levels, and reading the posts is a good way to keep focused.

Good luck!

[4theboyz]

Hello Danos,

At 25 your are still invincible man! But it sounds as though you have been through more crap than many twice your age and you are starting to realize that enough may be enough. Just as I'm sure you wouldn't risk rock climbing in sandals or mountain biking with bald tires, you may want to view your own health and well being in the same way.

Addiction is a bitch and will not ever go away unless you really want it to. Quitting AL in all it's alluring glory is tough and full of ups and downs. If you really want to do this, you will find great support here to help you not only with the cravings and separation from the booze but also with warm support to help you square your mind to being AF.

I hope to see you around and in good form bro, good luck!

4tb

[gustajoe]

danos,
I've been "watching" this site for quite some time now and now in my heart we are all sent here for a reason. Part fate, mostly self control but together we can all get through it. I have had times when I finish off an entire 5th of vodka and then buy a new one for replacement so family won't realize how much I am drinking. Like they don't know anyway! No specific advice on supps or vitamins since I am just starting. I too came from a family of AL and always seem to blame my problem on genetics. May be some factor but realized today after looking in the mirror, no guts, no glory. Stay with us. Everyone here shares something similar.

[Determinator]

Dan, big welcome to you and well done on being so open with us. We have been there...believe me.
Ditto on the advice to download and read the book. Poke around here...lot's of great material. we even have live chat which I really enjoy.
i wish that I had pulled my head out of my bum when I was 25. I'm 38 and only just now getting this figured out.