Forgiving Oneself????? HOW?????

[Nurseindistress]

Does anyone have any good advice about how to pick yourself up recover from the terrible self-loathing after drinking? I just called in to work sick for 2 days because I was drinking. I have never done that before. I am determined to stop drinking, so that is not the issue. It's the horrible depression that I now feel. I just hate myself right now for letting things get to this point, and I don't know how to feel better. Sorry, I know there are no magic answers.

[marbella]

"You did not abuse alcohol, alcohol abused you".

It did just did what it is supposed to do make someone feel worse when they took it- it is supposed to ddo that because it is a poison. You, like me, fell victim to all the propaganda and adverts that hit you since you were 5 days old.

Do not feel bad, we are victims, not villains.

In fact, the kindest, most giving and forgiving people I have met are alcoholics. You can see this by the pictures and posts members post here.

I am not trying to excuse us but basically we have been had, it is a poisonous drug and was never our fault- we just had a chance to take it and we did- in naivety not in badness.

[LookingToGrow]

Hang in there Nurse! We are pulling for you I think alcohol should be illegal - it's a drug!

[AAthlete]

That was the hardest part for me - forgiving myself for all the terrible things I had done to myself or others when drinking. I would replay them over and over in my head and the only way to get the tape to stop was to drink again.

Vicious circle, isn't it.

I can only speak for me, but I found redemption through doing a 4th and 5th step in my AA program. I made a thorough and detailed list of all the people I had harmed (including myself), was was willing to make amends to them all. Some I couldn't - you can't go around making amends to people who don't know you harmed them in the first place - but I talked about them ALL with my sponsor and it gave me a fresh slate to start with.

I can honestly say that I came out of it a changed person. Even now there are so many bad things I could dwell on, but it doesn't do me or anyone else any good. There has to be a willingness to let go of the past and focus on the here and now.....

When you think about it. it makes obvious sense, but I could never put it into action on my own. Forgiving and moving on (notice I didn't say forgetting) was the key for me. Like I said, I needed help and found it but everyone has their own path to follow.

[kriger]

Both AA and Marshy have good points, but the main thing is that if you want to start feeling "good" you need to start stringing some AF days behind you. Today the AL is just doing it's thing on your emotions and until you can get it out of your system you probably will feel blue. Just know that you have the power to change that and turn things around. I wish you the best on your journey. kriger

[magic]

The past is gone.
Tomorrow is just that, tomorrow.
We only have the moment. Right now.

I think that once you are able to deal with the "why's" and the "how's" of where you are you'll be able to let it go and forgive not only yourself but others.

I agree with AA, forgiving doesn't mean forgetting........

It's a long, winding, sometimes painful road.

But you can begin today. It's so worth it.

And now, it's another moment. Another choice.

magic xxxxx

[A Work in Progress]

I agree with all the above, and especially important, I think, is what Kriger said. It's just inevitable that you are going to feel like crap when you drink too much, get drunk and then hung over, then call in sick. That is not who you want to be, or how you want to live, right? So you feel like crap. But that does NOT mean you must feel like crap FOREVER. It means you need a plan, and the determination to never feel like that again, to put together a string of days that will help you feel OK again, hell, maybe even GOOD. It depends on what you do, only you can do it, and you CAN do it.

Best wishes,

wip

[IAD]

Not really much more for me to add ! IAD.

[4theboyz]

Nurse,

I was there like you not so long ago and I found solace when I finally admitted I had a serious problem with drinking. I was able to find comfort and hope when I finally stopped lying to myself and those I loved.

Good luck!

4tb

[universal]

Nurse,

I can so relate. I have too felt down because of things I said/did while drinking - ie: calling in sick to sleep in late because of a bender the night before etc......

I am still fighting this beast. I go to a therapist once every 2 weeks (not for alcohol but it does bring up things I personally feel I have done to others while drinking - even if they don't know it, the guilt is still there in me).
Not sure if therapy is an option for you but it is amazing once you find a good thereapist how much pain/guilt/forgiveness to yourself that you are able to get out. And it's a great feeling - when you can forgive yourself for your mistakes it is so much easier to go about your day thinking " I can do this".

There has been a lot of good advice from others on this thread.......keep smiling. You will do fine. We are here for you.

Love and hugs,
uni