Heartbroken and vulnerable

[Leyla]

Wow, I'm not sure where to start except to tell you that my husband told this morning that he wants a divorce after 20 years of marriage. He has been pretty distant from me in the last 5 years and I have been trying to get us into councling but he just never wanted it enough. I've been doing so well with my moderate drinking and I want to continue but I'm feeling very empty and heartbroken right now. I know that it is probably the last thing I need to do , but it hurts so much. I think what I will do is take the kudzu and hope for the best. I will be with my sister tonight so that will help, she will not approve of my drinking too much. Anyways, I'm going to try my best not to mess up. I will be thinking about you guys tonight and remembering all the things I've learned from this site with all your caring words. Thanks for everything Leyla

[gelgit]

Dear Leyla, I am so sorry for your pain. Don't drink at all. It will only make you feel more angry and cloud your thinking. You need every ounce of your strength right now to take care of your inner self. What a blow. You're being very brave to be able to state things so simply. However it all turns out, there will be many positive results even though you may not be aware of them as yet. g.

[memarcie]

I'm sorry to hear this Leyla. Don't let this news deter you from your path to get your drinking under control.

[redtoes]

leyla,

been there, done that. drinking only makes the sadness more intense, which helped me not to during the initial separation. there is a wonderful saying out there that goes: "...when everything falls apart, it may actually be the beginning of everything falling together...." the demise of my marriage hurt, until i realized i hadn't been happy in it for many, many years, hence the drinking to numb this fact. i also found i had a new freedom to be me, and not in his shadow. i made the decision to feel strength in myself and feed that as much as i could. what was a chaotic life, became more peaceful and meaningful. it's not ending babe, it's just beginnig. luv yourself through it with rest, walking, sunshine, keeping in touch with positive people, eating good things, reading good stuff, and taking care of you. it will be okay. it really will.

[greeneyes]

smiley toes says that redtoes post is pretty damn good. Quite worth reading several times over.

[Miso]

I'm with you Greenie, Redtoes is very wise. Leyla, I hope you can heed some of Red's advice. May you find the strength you need at this difficult time.

Miso

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

Stay strong

I'll be thinking of you

[fairyfeet]

my husband of 5 years (although we have been together for 18 years) threatened to divorce me last week and when I txt him saying how depressed I was he said I had never been a wife, isnt it horrible the things we do in anger and hurt, if only people could realise you just need some help and encouragement
I know drinking is so negative when we are angry with people, but you allways hurt the one you love because I think they dont listen to our cries for help anymore because they just expect us to control it when we cant without help and encouragement
Do you want to be my AF buddy cos I love being me sometimes more than my husband and sometimes I think he actually enjoys that I am out of control so he can control me

[anxious]

Are we all in the same boat!!! I'm 23 yrs married and I do think the controlling male likes to see us out of control so that they can control us Fairy, and Leyla you seem to be taking this really quite well, I'm going to a marriage counselor but it wont do any good unless he does too. Do you want to save your marriage because maybe all is not lost but then again maybe it is time to wipe the slate clean and start over like red toes said (my quote is good for this situation). How about sex and alcohol for 23 yrs (that isn't ok). I feel like a masochist sometimes please feel free to PM me cuz sometimes that feels a little more confidential especially while whining or ranting. I am really trying to focus on the blessings and not the negative so we'll see how that goes.