I am just a basket case

[Ripple]

Lucy, when i read this from you i don't know how to respond? I've been getting into trouble myself and this almost makes me want to think its okay for me to go on drinking. i get energy and doo stoopid things, at least you go to bed. Good thing we don't hang out, thats all i can say. You will know when enough is enough.

[KateH1]

Beth,
I wish that I could tell you something that you don't already know. You are my dear friend and I want so much for you to break free of this! I can also tell you that I can relate to how you are feeling. For years I wanted to stop drinking, I tried AA, I even did the whole 90 meetings in 90 days thing. I tried different meetings etc and always felt like I was the "only one not getting it!". I left most meetings and came home to a drink or 5! For close to a year, prior to coming here, my drinking became nightly and the worst it had ever been! I did not think that I could make this work either. But, some how, so far, it is working.

Beth, please do not give up on yourself. You and I have talked about this, and we actually came to some conclusions that seemed like there might be some clearity there. If you want to talk again, call me anytime. Whatever you do, do not give up on yourself. I believe in you, we all believe in you......It is time you start believing in Beth, Too!!

Much Love,
XXX Kate

[ready2change]

Beth...I read your post, then pondered it for a bit. I am like you, and many more out there. I am tired of this battle and want more than anything for it to end. I, like you have always labeled myself a "functional" alcoholic. But now that I consider that, what exactly does that mean? Were not sloppy, homeless, falling down drunks, drinking out of a brown paper bag?

But are we really functioning? Or are we just scraping by? I am fortunate like you. I have a good job, a nice husband (who drinks unfortunately) by all standards I should be happy. But for some reason your post made me stand back and think about the label I have put on myself "functional" alcoholic.

I don't want to just function. I want to experience life, feel it, embrace it. I can't do that when I'm drinking or if not drinking, then I am hungover, barely able to function. I want more. And the only way I can get it is to muster everything I have to win this battle. I know it can be done, people do it here all the time. You can do it too.

What is it Beth wants? Why do you want to quit drinking? What problems has alcohol created for you? There must be a reason why you want to quit, if you feel like your functioning while drinking? For me, I know I can be so much more. I want to be so much more, not just muster thru the days in a fog, feeling physically and mentally like crap. I deserve more. And only I can give that to me. So I think you should give it some serious thought as to why you want to quit...and maybe that will give you some hope and insight as to the "how" to quit. I'm right there with you...I've been here about a year as well and am nowhere near where I want to be. But I WILL get there, and you can too...don't EVER give up.

Hugs...R2C

[cmhguy3]

Beth,

I can also so relate, great education, great job, life with all the trimmings...until I really "peer" and decide if I am functioning or not. As someone above pointed out, there has to be more or we would not be questioning our "functioning" or actions.

I have had several good stretches of being AF this year and I had recently fell back into my old pattern a few weeks ago, it is always the same, have one drink, then three, then two, then four and before I could pull back I was right back at it and binge drinking all last weekend.

I had a moment of clarity today when I woke up this morning on day two again of trying to be AL. When I start drinking again it is because the beast in my head tells me "you have quit before and if and when you have to, you can do it again!" I decided today that this had got to be the dumbest thinking I can have! And as I start the AF process again, it is starting to become apparent to me that staying sober has got to be better and easier then going thru this roller coaster of starting and stopping and the battle that we wage in our head about taking a drink.

DON'T GIVE UP!!! WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER!

[DogLvr]

Beth - I am thinking of you and hope you feel much better tomorrow.

I read on someone's post here a few months ago that they made progress when they "stopped fighting and learned to surrender" - that re-framed my "fight" in my head and that helped me.

Go to chat when you are feeling challenged.

RTC - your post is inspiring and I need to remind myself everyday about it - I think I am going to post it on my bathroom mirror. - Thanks

[nancy]

Hi Lucy/Beth.

I really liked Madge's post, very inspiring and true.

I think you tried Antabuse and it worked didn't it? But you took time off for vacations and such and then fell to the booze beast again?

I think it's good to ask why you want to quit.

But what does alcohol do for you that makes you come back for more? You say that you have the perfect life on the outside and have all the things people should want. And you are functional alcoholic, which is good too. So is there some negative part of you that says that this good person isn't the real you? That you are actually not all that? Is that why you drink? If so, the problem is unlikely to go away.

What are the good feelings alcohol gives you and that you crave?

What other ways can you get those feelings and how can you move past them?

Or do you think at this point it is a physical addiction?

Also, you said you are functional, does that mean that the problem isn't creating huge problems in your relationships?

I think if you are functional in your alcoholism, your relationships are intact, you have a lot going for you already. I am not saying this to be some sort of enabler. I am saying it because I think that having overly harsh requirements of ourselves is a direct cause of alcoholism.

[Waves 2]

[Gyco]

good mornin lucy,your doin what your suppose to do,your here,AA doesnt work for all,you got to do what you got to do keep comin here a lot of fine people gyco

[one2many]

ready to Change...nice post...explains exactly how I am feeling...thanks for putting it into words!

[A Work in Progress]

Lucy/Beth, I am thinking about you this morning.... started to write a reply to you last night, but gave up, in part because I am new here and I don't know you. But part of what struck me about what you said is that you had done "everything" that you had been "told" to do... there is quite a bit of the passive voice there and I wonder if it reflects a real strong underlying resistance, an internal attitude of "I'll show them all that their advice won't work with ME... "

Forgive me if I am way off the mark, but I am a very stubborn and independent person and I am wondering if perhaps there is some of that in you, too?

I think it's fair to say that we all have ambivalence, mixed feelings, about stopping the alcohol. And that we are all great at rationalizing the drinking... It pretty much boils down to: How badly do you want to be free of the booze? If you want it really badly, you can recognize your rationalizing and ambivalence for what they are (an addicted brain throwing tantrums and engaging in seduction tactics).

And of course, if you really feel that you don't have the strength or hope or faith or consistent commitment to stay AF on a daily basis, there is always antabuse... What are your thoughts about that?

best wishes,

wip