I am just a basket case

[Lucy Van Pelt]

OK... Don't even know why I am posting this, except I just don't know what to do, other than give up... I have been a member here for 2 years, and done litterally everything suggested. Before this, I have gone to AA, including about 11 years ago, when I did literally everything they suggested. I am at the end of my rope. I have tried everthing I can think of to combat this horrible disease. But here I am, after drinking waaaay to much tonight (a pint of hard alcohol) and I just don't know what else to do...I am clearly, I think, a functional drunk, not that this matters, but, it is what it is.

I don't know it anyone here has advice for me, but I am so frustrated, you have no idea.

I am feeling like..."ugh, just give up fighting this" because I have faught it so hard, for so long. I am getting tired of fighting it. But what are my options??? To just give in to being an alcoholic?? for the rest of my life???

OK so here is my issue.

Any advice would be great. My fear is I am no going to hear anything new...

Sorry to be down.

Beth

[Dazedandconfoosed]

When is the last time you pulled the football away from Charlie Brown at the last second? You may need to do that and watch him go flying.

Seriously. My best wishes, I am just starting myself and can only tell you that I wish you the best. You could try the ER. They will give you ativan and IV fluids while you lay in bed and watch TV.

[time2change]

Oh Beth I am so sorry that you are still struggling. I so wish I could give you a magic pill that would make this go away, but I can not. I can only tell you that you are too special to just give up.
I too struggled for well over a year (although not a member the whole time) before this AF streak I am on. I will never say I have beat it because I know too well that I will always need to be on guard. My point is that I felt exactly the way you did for well over a year. It is heartbreaking.
I also know that you must continue to fight this. I know that you have antabuse and I know that you choose not to take it at times. You may no longer have an option. You must do whatever it takes to beat this. You have a great family and while you must do this for you, they deserve to have you there for them and at your best.
I know that you know all of this but I need to remind you that you must fight. you must use any and all tools that you can to continue to fight.
Beth, I am here for you anytime. If you want to have lunch or talk we can do that anytime. I'll Pm you my cell number in case you don't still have it. Please call if you need to and keep fighting.
Patti

[madge22]

Dear Beth - please don't give up even if that feels like the way to go. The fact that you are online and have asked for help tells me that you are still fighting... a little weak at the moment, but fighting back. An article that has helped me a lot is at Shambhala Sun - How We Get Hooked and How We Get Unhooked

This past week for me has been such an eye opener. After many, many years of severe but functional drinking I realized that my health was going fast. A few months of chemotherapy will do that to you, added to 10 months of "chemo light" that damaged my heart. I 'suddenly' realized in just the past few weeks that if I didn't curb my drinking seriously I would not live another year... I am quite serious. I know in my heart (literally) that if I don't stop/moderate I will not be here next year at this time. I am on two medications for my blood pressure, I am seriously overweight (despite being a former athlete) and am pre-diabetic.

What did it for me? I stopped looking back. I stopped blaming my father for my unhappy and abused childhood. I stopped blaming my mother for abandoning me at 18 months to a chronic alcoholic. I stopped blaming the universe for being raised by aging grandparents, including my very depressed grandmother. I started "living in the now" (read Eckhart Tolle and Dr. Wayne Dyer) and seeing a new future for myself. I am now starting to feel much more inspired and hopeful... and exercising and eating properly and limiting alcohol big time... and read the MWO book and have ordered the full program - supplements and CDs... even without them I feel SO DIFFERENT already!

I was so depressed in February - May that I actively considered suicide. To have come this far back from that abyss is nothing short of a miracle. I now believe in miracles... you can too. Today may seem black and soggy... tomorrow could be your miracle. Open up to that possibility... dare to dream... we are all with you.

BIG HUGs, Mary

[CS04]

Beth,
I called Prest4Time this afternoon, left a message and shared what we talked about today. (It's her anniv. tonight so she is probably out with her hubby.) Based on my conversation with you, I have some renewed vigor. We are all too smart to let this beat us! WE need to come up with a plan so we can get out shit together. I told my hubby tonight that I thought I wanted to start another 30 Aug 1. So I can't (well should not) back down.

Let's keep talking and posting, and utilize our resources -- whatever they are. A new month starts in a few days! Don't despair.

xoxo
CS

[aplgrl]

Hey Lucy,
I too am a functioning drunk. New to this site and on antabuse for one month. While the drug helps to resist the urge to drink, I have had many AF days since being on it. I do find that I miss the act of drinking, the buzz, the happy hours, and the commoradity. This seems strange to me and I am seeing my doctor tomorrow.

Just wanted to share that we all have our struggles and you are not alone. I feel your pain and send a big hug Don't give up - you are worth it!
Aplgrl

[luCKy]

Lucy,

I understand the struggle. Have you considered going to Lenair?

Madge,

Looking forward to reading the Shambala article.

Be well all!

[CS04]

I am barely functioning, it feels like. I have so many unpaid bills that I fear every day. I am not working very much this summer, and I am wondering if that is making things worse, and allowing me to slack (on the AL stuff -- don't have to work tomorrow? No problem drinking!) I always do better when challenged...and this summer I have been a sloth. The AL fight is certainly a challenge. though.

[more2life]

Beth,

call me! You were doing so well on antabuse, what happend?

More2

[Lucy Van Pelt]

Oh my God

I want to reply to all of you, but Madge, I feel I have to single you out. You are going through/have gone through chemo...and that is huge. You didn't say what your physical challenges are, but I hope/pray you are OK. Thank you so much for responding to me.

Thank you all who responded. I feel like I have no reason to complain...I am fortunate...I have a great husband, wonderful kids, etc.... In outside life, I am functional....very...phd...socially likable...bleh, bleh

Yet....with all I have...I am a complete loser when it comes to this....And I have been struggling for so long is is, quite frankly, disgusting.

I wont bore you with all I have done, but, boy, I have tried everything...really tried. So I am just sick of it..but what are my options??? I have none.

Ok...enough. I am going to bed. I have drank plenty tonight...as much as I have ever drank...So, now you all get what I am like when I drink...thoughtful, seemingly together, but I am drunk...and will wake up soooo sad about this tomorrow.

thank you to those who responded and those who are always there for me...

with love


Beth