I feel so empty sad and lost WHY?

[sweetpea]

Am having an awful day where i feel totally worthless - no good to anybody - no body loves me - Mr Pea wants out because he thinks I can and should control this and I am doing this to deliberately hurt him and the rest of the family and i don't love anyone because if i did i wouldn't do it - I have done brilliantly over the last few months but one bad day eradicates the rest of what I have achieved - which is what!!!!!!!!!!!! Moderated well - had quite a few AF days - had a few bad days

Question I am now asking myself

Should I let him go and the rest of the family - they obviously want rid of the problem I am causing them

Sad Sad Heart - I do not know what to do

Sweetpea xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[suez2225]

Dear Sweetpie,

I really can understand how you feel now, I'd been there before. For so many years I've been hurting my family which is love me so much. The loneliness and the regret I am still made me depressed until now, but I believe in one thing, If God still allow me to live for today I still have a chance to change myself, If God give me a chance I should give myself a chance to. Don't blame yourself to much, try to love yourself more than ever and allow other people to love you more.
I think this is also an advice for myself, I don't know whether useful for you, but I am truly hope we both can overcome this, Ok?

Love,
Suez

[one2many]

AAAwwwhhh Pea,

So sorry you are feeling bad. Here if you need to chat hon.

o2m

[A Work in Progress]

SP: this is such hard stuff, isn't it? You might (if you have not already) think about options other than "letting go" of your family... sounds as if you have being working on drinking moderately, and you drink much less than you once did, but you still sometimes drink too much... and your family does not want to live with even "sometimes" drinking too much... that is something you will have to put into the equation: how important is it to you to continue to drink (at all)? Maybe even antabuse would be a choice, for a while, if you were to decide that AF is your only good option?

I have spent lots of time in the same pattern... drinking MUCH less than I once did (which in itself is a really good outcome for my health) but also getting really drunk once in a while (which is a bad outcome for my relationships with others)... At this point I just don't think the occasional times when I happily and enjoyably drink just a couple of drinks is worth all the rest of the bad stuff...

Just some thoughts...

best wishes,

wip

[Carmac]

Sweetpea -

No. You do not want to let your family go. That will be a huge mistake only sending you into a worst situation.....all alone.

When is the last time you considered talking to your DR.? And have you considered something like Antabuse?

I know there are other solutions and more importantly, I know your family will support you if you explore them with their help.

You are not worthless, you are important and I know I love getting on MWO and checking out the Sweetpea express.

If you want to chat, let me know....or better yet, I can even Skype you so we can chat "over the pond". I'm here and would love to talk with you so there's another indicator of just how important you are!!!!! (Hey, I don't just chat with just anybody!!!)

Stay strong.....you are important and so is your family.

Hugs, Erin

[AAthlete]

Pea, people who don't have this problem often have difficulty understanding what we are going through. To them picking up or putting down an alcoholic drink is no different then a glass of water.

I don't think that you should let your family go over this - quite the contrary. BUT, you are now going to have to decide what is truly important to you. Is it important to you to continue your attempts to moderate knowing what the outcome of a slip probably is? Or, is having your family around the most important thing to you?

I know how you feel, because this is EXACTLY what happened to me. My wife was fed up with my drinking, fed up with me not doing anything about it, and was ready to call it quits. That was my bottom, and it was the motivation I needed to truly start working a program to stop drinking.

The bottom line is, this is doable, you can become the person that you want to be, but it is also A LOT OF HARD WORK!! As much as we would like to get kudos for not drinking for a week, that's not the way it happens. My wife was always wondering when I was going to get plastered again... maybe a week, ...maybe a month..... she knew it would happen at some point though.... because I hadn't changed....

It wasn't until I truly committed to working a program, that she could truly see a change in me and my attitudes, that she started to think that another bender might not be around the corner. It's not a short process and it will always, ALWAYS be somewhere in the back of their mind. I stopped into a local liquor store awhile ago because they have a large selection of quality cigars in their humidor. Wife saw the receipt from there and here first thought was MAYBE I slipped - but this time I got the benefit of the doubt and she asked first before jumping to conclusions.

I'm sorry that you are hurting and in pain, and if there is anything I can do please let me know. But, you need to ask yourself, "what's important to you"?

[vlad]

Here to support you Sweetpea!

[LVT25]

Hi Pea,
Looks like you've gotten some really good advice--I'm just here for support. Maybe your hubby is just angry right now, and just needs to cool off so you guys can talk. I was married to an alcoholic 25 years ago---it was hard then for me to understand how anyone could choose drinking over their family. But you are trying----so surely he can see that.
You can do this--don't give up, ok?

[Lucy Van Pelt]

Sweetpea-

AAthete's response was great in my opinion. I know that having this damn problem is not our fault, and yes, it is so hard to have those we love disappointed in us when we drink, but the bottom line is this: Although it is not our "fault" that we have this addiction, it is up to us to NOT DRINK. Ultimately, no one but ourselves is putting the alcohol in our bodies, and we have to get to a place where we make a decision that drinking is not worth it. Take into account that this advice I am giving you is coming from someone who is not there yet, but I still think it is sound advice. I think, for many of us, we have to be pushed to a corner to make the decision to stop, because this disease really, really, makes us want to drink so badly. For some, the decision comes earlier than for others. Maybe the risk of losing your family will be the thing that pushes you over the fence to really be ready to fight this thing. I hope so for your sake. You certainly can't control what your family decides to do, but you CAN control your own behavior, which will influence their decisions, and ultimately make your life much, much happier. Imagine life with your loving family, and more importantly, life where you will feel like a meaningful, shameless, person once again!!

(Now I wish I could take my own advice). I wish you the best. All I can say is that I look at those here, like AAthlete, Darling, Cheif, Kate1, and others, who are succeeding long-term, and I see really happy people, who are proud of who they are, and offer so much to the rest of us...That is very inspiring to me.

Well,

With lots of love,

Beth

[Doggygirl]

Sweetpea, I'm sure you feel very cornered right now. The discussion with your husband re: drinking reminds me of the very ugly time I had with my husband over smoking. (he quit about 1.5 years before I did). He was SICK of the stench and SICK of listening to me hack and cough during the night and badly every morning, etc. I was beside myself like a cornered rabbit when he started the "you are choosing nicotine over me" stuff. WHAAA??? I smoke when we met! I never promised I would quit! That felt very stressful and horrible. (he felt the same way about my drinking - he was never a big drinker - but he picked the battle that was bothering him the most of my Two Big Addictions)

I can look back now - almost 1.5 years after quitting smoking - and realize that *I* was the one being selfish and unfair - not him. I WAS choosing nicotine over him. He spoke the truth - I just didn't want to hear it. He DID NOT want to watch me kill myself with cigarettes and take care of a sick old woman with emphasyma. And that's what I was setting him up to have to do.

These addictions tend to be very, very selfish. We don't like to admit that when we are in the heat of pressure from our loved onces, but IMO that is The Truth.

I quit smoking because my husband IS more important to me that cigarettes. And while he did not pressure me to quit drinking in the same way, I feel very good about my decision to make my health and sobriety a high priority - that means I can be a better wife and friend and partner to him.

I wish you the very best as you sort this out and I encourage you to REALLY look at things from the other point of view. We CAN stop the madness and improve our lives and relationships.

Hugs to you,

DG
Day 68 AF