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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 12-23-2011, 04:39 AM
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Unhappy My Girlfriend says the most hurtful things when she's drunk....

I really don't know where to start...

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 months. When she is sober we have the BEST chemistry, the BEST talks, and everything is absolutely amazing!

She enjoys drinking... and I do too, but when she drinks she becomes a DIFFERENT person. She says very hurtful things, and makes no sense!

I am fine with her drinking, but when she gets trashed, I do have a problem with how she acts, and the things she says.

Today, when she was drunk on the phone (she likes to drink alone sometimes), she told me "Everything you are and have is because of me". Keep in mind, this was randomly said, in the midst of all of her tangents that made no sense.
When I asked why she then said, "Your good grammar, I gave that to you."
I had good grammar before I met her!! I replied, "You did not teach me good grammar!" She then said, " Look babe, I'm much older then you, I know what I'm talking about, (fill in with random tangents)"
By this point I was getting agitated, so I told her I had to go.

She calls me over and over again, acting as if nothing happened, asking me where I was, when I told her MANY times already.

Then, after I told her I don't want to talk to her on the phone when she's drunk, she calls back with "Look, if you are cheating on me just tell me!"
I said "Please don't say that to me! Because I am not going to deal with this!" (She has said things like this, much more vulgarly, in the past. I almost broke up with her many times because of her drunken rants.)

I hang up... and she calls me back, again acting like nothing happened! I asked her how much she drank, she becomes very defensive, asking me " Why are you tripping?"
This leads to more RUDE NONSENSE... ending with the finale...

"You don't have a job, you don't go to school, you haven't done shit in your life! You are NOTHING. You are NOTHING, and you think you can make fun of me?"

First of all, I did not make fun of her. Secondly, she doesn't have a job. I had to withdraw from my semester from a terrible illness I just recovered from. I did not provoke her. I was trying my utmost best to remain calm and level-headed, and she comes at me with that? That has to be one of the most fucked up things she's ever said to me! PLUS, she doesn't have a job! WTF

And I know that tomorrow, she is going to call me and act like nothing happened. We've had these talks before, these incidents have occurred before, and she always tells me she's sorry and she won't do it again. She's told me that she enjoys drinking, she doesn't drink every day, but she binge drinks, then gets trashed, I almost always have to carry her to bed, etc.

I just don't know how to feel about this anymore. Am I over reacting? I feel like she has dual personalities, and the insensitive, arrogant personality comes out when she's drinking. I've asked her in the past not to call me when she's drinking at home, and she agreed, yet when she calls me drunk, and I don't want to talk to her, she accuses me of cheating?

I am at my wits end...
Any advice would be very appreciated.
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  #2 (permalink)  
Old 12-23-2011, 06:43 AM
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No, you are not over reacting at all, I had a boyfriend like this and while he was a really nice guy , he was a complete pig while drunk, saying nasty things and accusing me of allsorts.

You don't deserve that treatment, no matter how much you love her, she has no right to treat you like that, as you said, she is aware of it and keeps doing the same thing over and over.

Sounds to me like she does have a drink problem and she needs to address it, if you keep taking her back and letting her treat you like this over and over is not helping either of you. She needs to realise how her drinking is affecting the relationship and that you are not prepared to put up with that treatment any more.

How would you feel about making taking a break until she sorts her drinking out, I think she needs to know that you are serious, looks like the talking is not working.

I wish you the best of luck and keep us posted, there is always support here. xx
"It's not your job to like me, it's mine!"

AF 10th May 2010
NF 12th May 2010
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Old 12-23-2011, 11:21 PM
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BSH - I used to treat my husband like your GF is treating you. I was fine when sober and got progressively nastier when drunk.

I am addicted to alcohol and the solution to this problem was for me to quit drinking, which I have done. Our relationship has never been better. On the booze though? That was a one way trip to hell.

Good luck to you.

Sobriety Date = 5/22/08

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Old 12-24-2011, 11:39 AM
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This is what my mother uses to do when drunk to her husband. And then my ex to me. And then I became the drunk doing it to my extremely patient hubby. If it's this bad at 6 months, I can only imagine it getting worse if she doesn't address it. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. We don't go through phases or rough patches. (though we may tell ourselves that). It doesn't get better by itself.
Come back and tell us how you are.
When the timing is right, maybe share this site with her.
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Old 12-24-2011, 06:38 PM
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hey, im exactly like your girlfriend - i give my boyfriend the worst verbal abuse when im trashed. i hate it he hates it. the chances are she hates it too. maybe direct her here? sounds like you really need to seriously talk and try to resovle the issue. im lucky that my boyfriend is still around - if a man treated me the way ive treated him i would have left. Talk to her.
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Old 12-24-2011, 07:25 PM
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Big, why don't you tape her rants a couple of times? I know that would royally piss her off, however, it will be the only way she believes how horrible she is when drunk.

You will have to be ready to break up if you do this, but you will know that whether you stay together or not, you will be helping her out. If I knew how bad I was ten years ago, I would have dealt with the problem sooner.
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Old 12-26-2011, 11:34 AM
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Does her personality change exactly when the alcohol consumption begins? If so it might "just "be episodic alcoholism and she just isnt a happy drunk.She could be the allergic addicted type.Sample Explanations of Bio-types

Do you notice a change in her behaviour in the days running up to her drinking binges? Does she seem more wired? If so take a look at this. Hypomania and Alcohol Use | Addiction Treatment
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Old 12-26-2011, 03:21 PM
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A video or tape of the rants is a good idea, actually.

I am fairly sure she doesn't remember doing this at all. That is why she acts like nothing happened.

My husband has always said how unfair it is, "You don't remember that sh@t you do, I have to deal with it."

Best of luck with this.

It sounds like she is an alcoholic, binge type, and needs to address this issue for her own good.


btw, Only she or a professional can determine if she is, in fact, an alcoholic.

Last edited by Cinders; 12-26-2011 at 03:22 PM..
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Old 12-27-2011, 03:37 PM
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BSH - I behaved the same as your girlfriend when I was drunk. It's so shameful to me now. It's hard to admit that I was so MEAN and cruel. Nobody deserves to be verbally abused like that. It scared me how much I changed...that was one of the main reasons I knew I had to quit. Does your girlfriend acknowledge that her personality completely changes when she's drunk? Maybe she doesn't even realize all the damage that she is causing your relationship. I agree with the others that maybe she needs to "see" what she turns in to. It will be embarrassing, but it may help in the long run.

Best of luck to you...and let us know how you're doing.

I love my daughter more than alcohol

Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.
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Old 12-27-2011, 04:30 PM
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I too have done some real awful things when drunk, in fact I even gave my husband a fat lip and I am not a violent person. Do record your girlfriend next time she calls then play it back to her when she is sober. If that doesn't open her eyes then I would real consider dumping her. You do not deserve this treatment because it is abuse. Good luck hon.
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