Not sure how to title this!

[ThuzzyQ]

I was doing well, visiting here but not posting because I only have internet at work. Cut way down, stayed away from Vodka, felt great, doing supps, walking, all the good stuff! Then.....had my mother stay over one night, got way stressed, bought a half pint - things numbed up, then last night, bought another one, not enough, bought another one, blacked out on the couch, not sure how the kid got home and in the house from the gym (she is 10) but she was home in bed when I came out of it, still in my sweats and T-shirt, shaking like a leaf and guilt ridden. Sitting here at work with all the usual feelings trying not to stay down and just pick myself up and move forward.

Its like when people start to feel better and go off their meds! Duh! Just thinking that by putting my feelings out to those who been there done that will be something positive to move forward.

I feel like sh@t today and really just want to have some "hair of the dog" - GOD that's annoying but all part of the addiction and the dumb thinking that goes with it. I'll go home and read the book, maybe do the hypno CD and get some more sober time under my belt to get out of the funk i'm in!

Thanks for listening!

[Preciouspinot]

You know the drill and know what you need to do. Water,water,water...rest...read and post and start fresh. Believe me, after 2 days AF you will be right as rain. Even after one day AF the anxiety will lessen.

Do you live by yourself with your daughter? Thank your lucky stars she was home safe. You dodged a bullet on that one.

[Accountable for Me]

Family is a BIG trigger for me - especially my mother & sister.

Trust me, they are not worth it. Something that dawned on me yesterday........ after a LONG time of struggling with my feelings.

Guilt & shame are feelings that typically drives us back to drinking. Stay strong. Not only for yourself but for your daughter.

[KateH1]

Thuzzy, so sorry you are feeling so rough today! Glad to hear your daughter is safe, that must have been a real scare!

I am convinced that in order to stay sober, we must learn "New Coping Skills" and change our mind set. We will always have triggers. Life is not bliss once we quit drinking, though life certainly does get easier to manage, the longer we stay sober.

You do need to rid yourself of Voddy, ask yourself, did it make anything better? You need to do this for you, because, you are important! Remember, this is your daughters one and only childhood. Wouldn't it be great to make it a wonderful time, full of positive memories for both of you?

Good Luck!
KH

[gelgit]

ThuzzyQ, I kept my guardian angels hard at work for years looking after my children for me. I know what you're feeling. Please do anything and everything you can now, for yourself and your child. Even from the grave, my mother is still a trigger for me We just can't give those old relationships our energy any longer. My thoughts and prayers and hugs go out to you. g.

[ThuzzyQ]

Thanks guys! I took a half day and just went home to take care of me. Going to the doctor today to see about the PMS and mention some topo, see how he responds......

I have two daughters and the older one was home to let her in but the guilt just got to me, I know better.

Today is a new day and I'm in the right mind set to brush off and keep going!

Thanks again!

[Tiny]

Good Luck Thuzzy!!!!

[Aussie1]

You poor thing, the guilt is enough to kill someone. As a mother of three under 10, my oldest being 10, it is so hard. You love your children yet there is this thing that undermines all of your love. I feel for you. Good luck I have no words of advice only that your children really do come first. They did not ask to come into this world and I am sure you want to do the best for them, keep trying for them and yourself.

[Ukblonde]

Thuzzy

What I try to do is remember how bad you will feel if you have a drunk. There is no guilt to deal with if you are sober.

Last week after my slip on day 56AF I beat myself up for 2 whole days - and I don't even have kids or a partner living with me to feel responsible for. I did wreck my work life and couldn't go to college though.

I resolved to remember how bad I felt as a person, inside so I will not do it again. That's why I think modding is so hard - you're already over the 'line', for me I couldn't do it at all. Which is why I have to stay AF.

Just use it for next time - chose not to have the guilt that would follow if you over did it.

[retteacher]

Thuzzy: I too have been binging. Once I start I go for a few days, then resolve to quit again. I'm a true alcoholic, because I can never mod once I start drinking. My plan:
-Keep no alcohol in the house.
-Push alcoholic thoughts out of my head.
-Not drink at all.

Please keep coming & posting. It's helpful to all of us.

Mary