Nothing is working, I'm out of control

[angeleyes]

I can't stop, I am trying everything, all the supp's, lurking on the message boards, been to see the Dr. for Topa, listening to the hypnotherapy. I cannot get a handle on it, drinking way too much every night, even now, too much stress in my life to get a grip, my personal life is in a shambles. Oh God.. now I'm whining... I just discovered there is another person on here with the name cherbear so have to change my name. Why is nothing ever easy for me, seems like the whole universe has it in for me..There seems to be no hope. I can't even get the smilie little icons to work!! WTF??

[Cinders]

CherBear,

Hang in there. I know the feeling intimately.

You are not "out of control" unless you simply give up.

Try for one day. ONE DAY. Do it one hour at a time if necessary. You can do this.

How much are you drinking? Do you think you might be in danger of alcohol withdrawal issues? If so, you may need to go to a doctor to get meds. Please be careful.

Let us know what is going on. Log into chat and get help from people here. We can "talk" you through your rough patches.

We care.

Love,
Cindi

[Tiny]

CherBear-- deep breath ... we have all been there... I had Day 1 at least 20 times!!!! and if you go back to 13 days ago I posted a thread "something happened" I grew tired of exactly what you are doing right now... I GAVE IN and said... WHAT DO I NEED TO DO?

[me145]

i feel so low right now too.. went out saturday night and got drunk, lied to my bf, hung out with guys at the bar. all bc i was drunk. ive lied to him a few times when drinking and it doesnt matter that i was drunk to him. i hate myself, and hes holding on by a thread to this relationship.

[me145]

i to just do not have the willpower to be af. or even take the kudzu. i dont stick to it because it takes away the "fun" of the alcohol to me.. and i ll take it and then not take it and then get to drunk, etc. im surprised it didnt work for u.. it doesnt work for everyone.

[angeleyes]

Okay, here goes, my pathetic life in a nutshell..mother who was in an unhappy relationship, although she loved him, he was physically abusive and I watched that throughout my entire life of growing up, my mother being thrown about like a ragdoll, she came to my high school grad with black eyes. I did not know how to handle all that, I thought it was all her fault, why could she not JUST STOP DRINKING!! That would solve ALL OUR PROBLEMS!! I had no idea the power of addiction, and swore I WOULD NEVER BE LIKE HER!! She ended up dying 2 years ago of liver cancer, a very devastating loss for me, even though she had lost the respect of so many...

Now I am in a relationship much like that, although there is no physical abuse YET, I feel like he is always on the verge... I don't know, I know how frustrating it is to live with an alcoholic, I know I beat myself up a thousand times a day, I need serious help and don't know where to turn. I have a 13 year old daughter so I am trying to downplay my unhappiness, but I just want out of this relationship, this addiction, this everything... Thanks for all of your responses, can someone meet me in chat?

[LauraAnn]

I am right there with you and about to lose everything. hugs

[angeleyes]

Oh no, LauraAnn, what is happening with you? I hope you are okay, tell me more.

Me145, I have been taking the supp's and Kudzu, it just is not working.. craving is strong, although my marraige is falling apart, too much stress and I am finding it hard to keep to my plan. I am too new at this to have the strength to keep sober. I'm totally f--ked.

[CS04]

Me145, CherBear44 and Laura Ann,

You've come to the right place. Read the Introduction or go to chat; there are people and information who can help. You wouldn't be here if it were all over. We understand the pain of screwed up relationships. Most of us have been there at one point or another. Keep talking.

[louise]

Cherbear, As you said you are new at this. Have you been able to get any AF days in? Is it possible not to have Al in the house? The book makes it sound like magic, but many of us struggle and fall down a lot - kind of like learning to ice skate. Don't give up and focus on the positive, even if it is that you started drinking later in the day or had 1 less drink than normal. Are you on a thread where you check in daily? If not, find one or two that fit for you and check in daily, even if not doing well. And make a plan of what to do with yourself during your normal drinking time that will not allow you to drink if possible - movie, gym, library, shopping,etc.