Now What?!

[Red]

Two days ago I returned home from vacation with my husband. The night before we left while lying in bed he announced to me that he is still very much in love with his ex. We have been married for 5 years (5 good years.....i thought) Now all I want to do is get trashed! We don't live in the same state as his ex, but my husband has made trips back to her home state without me. When I questioned him, he told me that nothing ever happened. My mind has been racing ever since. Why tell me now after all these years? Or, has something happened more recently that he's trying to cover up? I dunno... I have been moderating trying to go AF up until now. But now I don't know what to do..............

[akgirl]

Hi, not that I'm any authority at all, but getting trashed will not help or change anything that's for sure. Only make you feel worse. Stay strong. Remember, you can't drown your problems cause when they're really bad....they can swim Stay here and draw support until you know more. Good luck to you

[akgirl]

Stay mod girl!!!!!!

[nancy]

Sure it's tempting to turn to booze for a crisis, we all know that. But this is only going to make you feel worse. If it's true that he is really in love with her, you will need to start a healthy new life for yourself, built on self-esteem and self-control. But it's too early to say what is going to happen with him. You need more information.

If anything, you should try a period of abstinence while you go through the crisis so you don't get out-of-control emotional and say something to him that you will regret later.

Take care.

[Noelle]

I'm sure I'll get trashed for saying this but......if he's laying in bed with you saying he still loves his ex.......then he's an a**hole. However, this won't make it easier for you, will it. Ya know? Get drunk for today........cry and let it all out. Then see what you can do to find out what's going on. And then, go AF to get your shit together. You know he's an a**wipe. Sorry.......been there..........

[maxman]

all drinking is gunna do is givve you a hangover, drinking is only going to suppress your feelings, numb them then you will still have to deal with them tomorrow with a headache, you are not the one who deserves to feel like shit, he is

[greeneyes]

Noelle, get yourself to bed!

Red, I am in the midst of an enormous marital issue. Light years past you. The only way I can manage what I am doing is that I am AF for nearly 60 days. All you want to do is ease your pain and trust me, it will only make it worse. You have enough emotions running rampant without adding all the bad AL stuff like shame, guilt, depression, etc. When you are sedated by AL, you cannot "read" your own feelings and instincts, thus interfering with your life navigational skills. Try very hard to navigate this AF

[A Work in Progress]

I totally agree with GreenEyes and Nancy. You need a clear head and emotional stability to deal with this. Getting drunk "just once" will only lead to getting drunk again... and again... and will make this bad situation much, much worse. Please know that the idea of "getting drunk" in the face of a marital (or any other crisis) is NOT in any way recommended within the MWO program, nor by its members... when they are in their right minds... N. was doing you no favors by telling you to drink.

What does your husband want to do about his "being in love" with the ex? That is really the next question; and the other next question is: do you want to be married to him, given his feelings, regardless of his plans.... what do YOU want to do?

best wishes,

wip

[DeeBee]

You have been given great advice and I have to agree with all who said that it is NOT a good idea to get plastered!! It will only delay you dealing with your feelings and will make you feel worse in the morning!!

Stay strong!!

[Cinders]

Red,

I do want to add to what all have been saying. Drinking will only make this worse. I know the feeling. Your mind is racing, you are probably in a panic and hurting mode. It does seem like AL can help. Well, it might for about 10 minutes, then it will all go downhill from there, and very quickly.

You will be much more apt to say and do the completely wrong thing when drunk. Hmm. Been there done that, know it well. Had marital issues with hubby a few years back and whenever I drank, I would say and do things that made the issues worse.

Go to a doctor, if you must, and get a SHORT TERM med to help, if you are in really bad shape physically. Best if you can forgo but better to use something to get you through the initial stages without alcohol. I did that once and it worked well. My very conservative doctor only gave me 4 days worth of Xanax. Enough to get me through the initial pain without letting me get hooked.

Just a thought.

Best of luck with this. I am so sorry you are going through it.

Love,
Cindi