So scared

[Angie is hopeless]

Hi all. Angie here. I quit once before and did a stint in detox. I started drinking cause I have terrible anxiety and haven't found a med that has worked. It feels so damn helpless.
I started drinking more and more. I started to worry cause I am petite and was drinking quite a bit. A few months ago it stopped being a social thing and became a slef medicating thing. I want to stop so bad, but after having gone through withdrawal I am terrified of going through that again. I literally wanted to die. I have also developed terrible OCD so I find that the only cure is booze. I want to be clean and done with it. I realize moderation is not an option for me. I realize that taking a one or two drink(s) will end in being in this situation again. I am terrified of withdrawal and I don't want to disappoint my friends and family by letting them see my relapse. They were so proud of me. This is just horrible and this thing is a monster. I envy all of you who have been strong. I am not. I miss all my AA meetings and went back to booze and I am scared it will kill me.

[Wally22]

Hi Angie
Boy, don't we all feel like that at some (many) points in our journey to be Alcohol Free (AF).
You have quit once, so you know you can do it, read the book, buy the supplements, talk to your doctor, keep posting.
You will find lots of encouragement here. We are not ready to give up on you.

[mwo2]

I "hope "that you feel like changing your mwo name soon...you have been AF before, so I think can make you hopeful, or full of hope for your becoming AF again...do read the introduction, get the book, the supps and cds are wonderful tools. Maybe take the book with you to your Dr? Finding this site and posting on it is a very positive thing that you have done for yourself....keep reading on the threads...you will see that alot of us have been way down before and have gotten back up...there is support and there is always hope.

[A Work in Progress]

Angie, how about if you were to start getting back on track by calling someone from your AA group, someone with a lot of sobriety, and let them help you. You might need inpatient detox, you might not... but we can't tell, not being right with you in person, and it sounds as if you need some serious help, right away.

Let us know how you are doing. This is NOT hopeless.

wip

[Angie is hopeless]

Thanks guys! I am just tired of being this way. I will see the doc tomorrow. I will look into the suppliments, books, etc. I have heard great things about omega-3. I also have Campral (which I neglected to continure taking). It's just a very scary time. I met someone I like and I am so tired of being the irritable drunk monster. Good luck to all of you. Thanks for the well wishes.

[Starlight Impress Forever]

Hi Angie,
I also suffer from anxiety and phobias, which I used to self-medicate on a nightly basis with wine. However, the drink will only quell the anxiety in the short-term........in the long-term, the booze will actually heighten your anxiety. I still suffer periods of anxiety, but nowhere near as severe as when I was drinking.

I believe that anxiety can only be addressed by therapy or prescribed meds........drink is NEVER an answer.

I wish you well,

Darling x

[nowandzen11]

I suffered from debilitating anxiety. I had a lot of terrible things happen to me in 1998 and after finding my mother dead, my doc prescribed xanax but didn't warn me of the dangers. I was taking it like candy and drinking red wine until I passed out. One day I looked in the mirror and said "enough". I made my doctor wean me off of the xanax and I stopped self medicating. The anxiety came up like a tornado. I could not digest food. I lost 40 pounds, My body was literally shaking all of the time, I constantly thought I was having a heart attack and made many trips to the ER to find nothing wrong but anxiety.

I sought therapy and gave in to antidepressants in 2003. I now am only on 50 mg of zoloft which I don't think is even a therapuetic dose but it helps. I take klonopin at night if I feel I need it and I am needing it less and less.

Meditation helps tremendously but you probably need meds (safe meds). Use the meds as a jump start and begin excercising and some meditation. Small steps. You can do this.

Yes, drinking is the worst thing for anxiety and anxiety is a terrible terrible thing.

I wish you the best and don't give up

love
n/z

[AMELIA]

Hello Angie and welcome!!

It is a very positive step to reach out to this support group. We all have had similar experiences. Anxiety is awful and sometimes hard to conquer, but I agree with the others here.....alcohol is only a very short term fix and will only make matters worse in the long run.
I have had panic attacks in the past - only when I was drinking heavily. When I am sober - I just don't experience them.

Do try to get some support from another AA member if possible. Start taking the Campral again.
See your doctor. Have you tried Kalms tablets?
Keep on coming back to the site to post and read. We will be here for you.
xxxxx

Angie is not hopeless.

[river0123]

Wow, there sure are a lot of us with anxiety issues. I also had it so severe that my hands and feet were tingling non stop, even when I woke up in the middle of the night. One doctor had me convinced I had the early symptoms of MS (which only added to the anxiety as I had a new baby at the time). Well, after about nine months of tests, it turns out I had anxiety so severe that I was in a constant state of hyperventilation, can you imagine, even while sleeping! Zoloft has been my wonder cure. I only take 25 mg, but at times of extreme stress my dr. has upped it to 100. My siblings all take it too, as we apparently have a bit of "faulty wiring". That point was really driven home by our brother's suicide (refused medications even though we have a huge family history of this). Anxiety and depression are so debilitating and I'm so glad that I got the help I needed, I hope you do too. I really do feel for you and wish you the best. Love, River

[AAthlete]

Angie, you have to remember, even in the darkest of times there is always hope - you just have to be willing to reach for it.

You can't worry about disappointing people right now, you have to worry about getting better. Your story sounds like mine -- I would sit there, bombed out of my mind, and tell my wife who was crying that I hadn't been drinking. Nope, I'm not slurring my words - I'm just tired; I don't reek of booze - it's mouthwash; That hidden bottle is old - I haven't drank for months...

Maybe try starting out by taking it one day at time, starting with today. You're right, alcohol is a horrible monster but don't for one minute think that you have to be perfect to beat it. All it takes is a start..... Think about it.... maybe a call to your Dr to explain that the meds aren't working?

You mentioned that you missed your AA meetings. Don't be ashamed to go back and ask for help. If you truly want to beat this, they will know understand and help in any way that they can. I went back into those rooms twice after I started again and even though it was one of the hardest things to admit, they were there for me and the program finally took.

We're always here to talk as well....