will I make it to 40??

[limers]

Was at my mothers 79th birthday party last night and of course I was the only sibling there who just had to finish off the opened bottle of champagne .Every one else just had a dribble with their cake but I just had to wolf the rest! Of course that set the standard for the rest of the evening ,once I start there is no stop! I stood looking out at my parents beautiful garden and was thinking here I am ,my dad just turned 80 and my mum 79 ,both as healthy as can be ,teatotalers all their lives and wondering if my liver will still be going when im 40! Im the only drinker in the family ,the youngest of 6 and I dont understand why me? Why did I have to be cursed with this affliction? Whats wrong with me .I know I am killing myself with this shit and im desperate to have kicked it by my 39th in a few months time . I want to be proud of myself again.

[Cinders]

Limers,

I don't know why we were picked for this. That is for darned sure. I guess it doesn't really matter, if we know why, we would still be what we are.

I don't have any great words of wisdom except what you already know.

We have to try to either moderate or give that up entirely and go abstinent.

Neither is really attractive because abstinence means we can't have any and moderating is hell. (At least for me..)

I had to choose the abstinence route.

I did want to send you best wishes, though, on whatever you decide and your journey. I hope you make it to a raging healthy 90 something!!

Love,
Cindi

[boozehag]

Hello Limers
I am the eldest of 6 and also the only one with the inclination to hit the AL ......big time. My parents also are teetotallers and like spring chickens in their late 70's!
I dont really think or worry about why I was afflicted (!) with the drink - I think I just have an addictive type personality. Now that I have almost 4 months with my binge drinking and smoking under control the way I now see it is that if you are not actually physically addicted to AL then it is more of a mental habit or physcological addiction and you can retrain or reprogram yourself out of those old triggers and patterns. Like you I vowed to give up drinking when I turned 40 (6 years ago) but I just couldnt get past 3/4 days AF and then binge again due to the established pattern of my lifestyle. I dont know how many times I tortured myself with guilt over those 6 years knowing I was killing myself. I dont know why the time was right in April when I found MWO and got my shit together finally. Anyway what I was trying to say is that of course you will make it to 40 and you can get on top of the AL - you just need to manage it. I have found my own little prevention mechanisms to use in social situations like you describe - for example I dont drink bubbles as it is like rocket fuel to my brain. I also make sure I have something to eat before I go and I make sure that I take my car or offer to drive others - kids etc. The main thing is to have a plan so you can outwit the beast who is waiting at every turn.
Dont know if this helps.
BH (no more)

[bestlifeldms]

Limers, Wonderful to have both of your parents at their age! I understand the struggle that is going on within you, as do others here. I have said that, when it came to AL, I was like a race car. Zero to 60 in .75 sec. Sober - Zoom- Drunk! There was no in-between. I was only fooling myself when I tried to moderate and I can say now, deep down inside, that I knew that. We always try to fool ourselves into believing - whatever will allow us to continue to drink. Amazing isn't it?

As my quote below says, "It wasn't all I wanted but all I could stand!" And, that was the ultimate truth, for me. I, like you, was destined to ruin my health and probably cause my early death. But first, unless I choose to quite, I would cause unspeakable pain for my family and myself. Certainly the end of my marriage, more damage to my relationships with my kids, the loss of my livelihood, maybe dui's, more severe social isolation, further distance of my relationship with my extended family, financial ruin, the list goes on...

I still don't understand why we are the way we are. And, I gave up trying to figure it out. I knew that I didn't need to understand in order to take the action that was necessary to prevent the inevitable consequences if I continued to drink. I do know that I am not like other people. I can't have a drink or two and then stop. My solution came, better late than never! I can't have alcohol period! Simple, just pretty complicated and painful arriving at that final committment!

I am - 108 days AF today. And all the things in my life, that were headed in the wrong direction, are improving, greatly! I pray that you get to where you want to be too! It's nice to feel good about ourselves again. It's nice to enjoy our lives, loves and the years we have left.

Lots of hugs, Best

[limers]

Thank you all so much for your thought out ,thoughtfull responses. This is a great place for meeting like minded people in similar situations. I have been moderating since I found this place and reduced my drinking by about half ,however there always are thouse times when i just get pissed....I know modding will never fully work for me and im going to have to actually go to aa and stop just talking about going to aa and approach this addiction a serious way . Thank you all so very much for your responses.

[Bandit]

Hi Limers,

I can relate to the family thing so well. I am the youngest of nine and none of my brothers or sisters appear to have the problems with AL that I have. They have all been quite successful in their lives, as much as I can see anyway. My parents never drank and although my father has since passed away, my mother is still as healthy as an ox at 78. So where along the way I inflicted myself with this damn thing I don't know.

I have just turned 38 and have had a regular drinking habit since I was about 18. I am not sure when it became a nightly habit but it has been like that for a good few years now until I found this site in March. Since March, I have significantly reduced the amount of days I have been drinking but like that, once I do start I find it very difficult to stop - can't even enjoy what I am drinking, just worrying where the next drink is coming from.

I would love to be able to moderate but at this stage it is no way. I think I have to get at least 30 days AF under my belt before I think about it all all. Today is day 3 for me again and this time I am determined to do 30 days in a row.

I have two young children, a great husband and a good career (so far, bit dicey at times because of my drinking) and I want to enter into my forties knowing that I will be there for my kids and with a future ahead of me.

Not sure if this helps but sometimes just knowing that you are not on your own helps.
Wishing you the best.

Bandit

[limers]

It all helps ,thanks Bandit and good luck with your 30 days ,im going to start mine today .

[Cinders]

Limers,

Good on you!!!

You can do 30. I just know it.

Please keep us posted.

Love,
Cindi

[southernbelle47]

Oh Honey!

I have asked myself the "why me" so many times.
I've learned that nothing comes to me but through the permissive will of God my Father.
My eyes have been opened to many things ..
One main one is....not to be judgemental of anyone's problem.
I think an old saying was...."don't judge me until you have walked miles in my shoes."

I now see from the "other" side what it is like to fight a battle for my life and soul.

You are young and have so many years and things ahead of you.
Who knows how you will use this experience to help others in the future.
I guess the question I now ask is ..."why NOT me".
We are spirits in a human body on a short stay here on planet earth.
It's our job to learn as much as we can here and use it to make a difference in someone's journey.
one day one.

Love,
Nancy

[tlrgs]

thats great do what you know you have to do.. to get where you want to be ..
you can do this be strong..its not going to be easy but it is doable..
good luck
peace , love and god bless