another new person, feeling pretty lousy

[A Work in Progress]

Just found this forum. Knowing I need to do something about my drinking; my father was alcoholic, and ended up killing himself. I have fears of ending up the same way.

I am a 56 year old woman, a professional-type, with a whole bunch of recent major stressors. Forced out of my job 6 months ago; loss of two old friends, a couple, after one of them developed cognitive problems (and a whole lot of anger) after a stroke; most recently, my mother (my only living relative), who has always been quite emotionally abusive and narcissistic, is in a nursing home with possible dementia and definite paranoia. And she is trying to go home... which will/would create enormous problems.

I did 3 years in AA, a long time ago... I tried going back there, a couple of years ago, but found that I just do not benefit from all the dogma (yes, some of it is true, but a lot of it is not). It is just too much like a religion, and I am also not interested in engaging in discussions about how "sick" we all are, or about our "disease," and "personality defects" etc.

So I spent much of the morning online, running some searches. Looks as if topramil is a good medication. I'm quite skeptical about hypnosis, but willing to check into it. Need to read a lot more about all this. Have downloaded the book.

Not sure about my next step(s)... Will do some reading here on the forum, and am open to suggestions.

Thank you.

[Seacailin]

I am only 18 days AF, so I can't give alot of advice. I can only tell u what I am currently doing. I had several sober years in AA. I really did not want to go back, but I have because I am almost always alone, and I need to have sober friends. I am also using this forum and program. I am not using meds, just alot of vitamins. I am planning to buy the L-Glut when I get to Walmart. It is cheaper there. I also need to find something to help with sleep. I look forward to reading your posts. Again. Welcome back to the Good Life.

[DeeBee]

Hi Jez,

Welcome, I am about to burn dinner again so don't have much time but just wanted to extend a warm welcome and the only advice I can offer is to read the book!!!

I hope you are holding up okay

I too look forward to reading more of your posts.

[cuckoosnest83]

Hello Jez, I've been on this site for 10 months and although I am not totally AF I have had a lot of AF days since I have joined this site. More in the 10 months since I've joined than in the past 16 years so I consider it a huge success for me although not where I want to be. The people on this site are very supportive and offer a lot of encouragement and helpful suggestions. Most are willing to help in anyway they can. Look forward to seeing you on the boards.

Cucks

[freeme]

try not to be sceptical as it really works - just reading posts etc is a huge help - and can give you something to do when you usually drink!
Even though I didnt quite make it through day 2 I am going to try again - its Wednesday here in Australia and so I am going to make it to Friday at the very least
I have never gone for two days AF so will be a huge accomplishment for me

[time2change]

Welcome Jez
I'm glad you found this site. You will find alot of information and alot of people who are just like you. I think that reading and posting helps, but the support you will find here is truly amazing.

[A Work in Progress]

Thanks, all. Got through this evening without drinking, and without wanting to drink. That's actually my usual pattern; every few years, I'll get disgusted when my drinking gets way out of hand, and I will quit. Sometimes for months, sometimes for a few years. And then I end up deciding that it's OK to drink again...

I read the MyWayOut book, and bought most of the supplements... Haven't ordered the hypno-recordings yet... That's the part I am most skeptical about... I'll probably go ahead and order them tomorrow. I am also re-starting my daily meditation (mindfulness practice, as in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, or Vipassana, or Insight Meditation).

Onward. Old Zen saying is something along the lines of: Fall down seven times, get back up eight times.

[madge22]

Hi Jez... boy can I relate! My father died of cirrhosis at age 49. I'm a 54-year-old professional who has been highly functional all my working life on top of raising a wonderful daughter with my hubby of 30 years. But in the past few years life has just whammied me over and over and over... losing my adorable in-laws 9 months apart, being diagnosed with breast cancer, mastectomy, chemotherapy, 10 months of more "light" chemo, couldn't work for over a year and now finding it hard to get back into the workforce, losing a friend to ovarian cancer (our daughters played together for years). I sank into the abyss and, like you, I am here because I need help to get my life back. I used meditation and self-hypnotherapy 15 years ago to quit smoking and have never gone back. I am ready and willing to use it again to get my drinking way back down to social and occasional instead of daily and heavy. I know it's going to be a lot of work on top of my stressors but I am ready for this... I want to live to see my grandchildren, retire with my husband and get my health back. I'm ready to love myself enough to really give this priority in my life. I would be honored to be your MWO online buddy if you like.

[Gyco]

welcom,i also am in your catagorie,55,off and on drinkin for years,never had a problem stoppin,never stayed stopped,ended up in a sanitarium this past winter, didnt scare me,but did make me think,put it this way bein sane,and in a place like that, will intimidate anyone,life is a lernin process and i like you ,found this place ,if you want to feel comfortable i have yet to find a better place,gyco again welcome

[A Work in Progress]

Thanks, Madge, Gyco, everyone. Amazing what life throws at us... amazing what we can survive. The trick is to thrive, not just survive, and I know that is possible... I actually teach this stuff, as a psychologist and a mindfulness instructor, and that of course seems ironic. But really, it isn't... just another (feels devastating) life lesson in Being Human.

Madge, online buddy sounds good. How would that work?