Confused

[Leyla]

I'm confused about my drinking habits? When I'm at home I seem to drink intil the bottle of wine is gone, but when I'm out with friends I seem to only need one or two glasses. I've been in a bad marriage for many years and my drinking has escalated this past year. I decided that I have a drinking problem when the last time I had a drink, (2 1/2 weeks ago) I was so mad at my husband that after drinking almost a bottle of wine I packed a bad and got into the car to drive to a hotel. I'm so ashamed mostly because my children witnessed this stupid behavior. I told my kids that I would quit drinking and even said that I thought I might be an alcoholic? I also went on a cruise with some girlfriends three weeks ago (40th birthday celebration) and I was having so much fun the drinking did not come into play, maybe two drinks at the most all three evenings? My husband definitely thinks I have drinking problem and if I stay with him, there will not be much drinking going on anyways. Well, I'm so glad to come accross this group, and I'm looking forward to starting the program. I don't think I will need the medication, but I definitely want to start up everything else. thanks for listening

[4theboyz]

Hi Leyla,

You have come to a good place to help you sort through your issues with AL. I don't know you or enough to really offer any suggestions other than my own experiences. The first thing I would do when I got home from work was to pour a drink. After I realized my drinking was far to automatic and excessive I stopped but at the same time I wondered what was pushing me to drink so much at home.

I started by listing what triggers I felt I had, also what made me feel good/happy vs what made me feel bad/sad. It only took me two days to realize I had issues coping with the stresses at home with 2 youngins vying for my instant attention the moment I got home. *Big time trigger* I also realized I was avoiding my wife so she wouldn't "detect" my drinking and we just grew apart. I worked my way around these crisis moments and gradually adjusted myself to a new routine where instead of avoiding the moments by drinking I became more involved with my boys and thankfully my wife!

[trixietrack]

great advice 4theboyz. I don't think I could have put it any better.

good luck leyla

Trix

[LVT25]

Leyla,
Keep coming back!

[Sunbeam]

Hi Confused,
It is wonderful that your last drink was 2 1/2 weeks ago. Just keep coming here and posting, and you will have lots of support for quitting (I think that's what most end up doing) or moderating. You get to choose your own way here.

[Leyla]

Juianna,
You said that you have not had a drink since Jan, that is great! Do you think that are moods or circumstances affect our drinking habits. It seems that my drinking has increased because I've been so unhappy. I am pretty deciplined with the other aspects of my life, work out, keep my weight down etc. That is why I decided to see if I could learn to drink in Moderation again. You said that most people end up quitting all together, maybe I will too. Thanks Leyla

[IAD]

Leyla,
Sounds like you might be able to go the mderate route. You drink alot when your upset....that you need to change. Your a heavy anxciety drinker.....like my self. I can go out with my wife and not have a drink & I'm ok with that. The min. I have a problem.....everything goes to hell.....IAD That fact that you did'nt have a drink for..what a week & half since your blow out with the hubby means thier is a chance that you could change you behavior pattern. Hope the very best for you....lot's of help for either way you choose to go. (Complete abstainace....or....Moderation.)

[Sunbeam]

Hi Leyla,
People definitely feel their moods and circumstances have an impact on their drinking. But I feel had no reason to drink: we have no debts, my husband is great, no kids, no family problems, secure jobs. How do we know that people with heart-wrenching problems wouldn't drink if they had no problems? So it is important to figure out for yourself under what circumstances you drink, and avoid them. I always over-consumed alone, so I will never drink alone again. I think that successful moderation requires having a plan and sticking to it. Many here also feel that it is important to get a good amount of alcohol-free time under your belt before deciding whether to abstain or trying to moderate. I do hope to have an occasional glass of wine in the future. I will stop at one, because once I have two, I am very likely to have a third. After that, I will lose track. I also plan to have no more than one glass per month. That's pretty limited, and people here moderate at much higher rates than that, but I'm not sure how successful they are at moderating over the long run. I am sure you will (and should) see posts from others with their opinions on this.

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

Welcome Leyla,

Congrats on being AF for almost 3 weeks.... may I ask.... WHY did you find this site? Were you looking for "justification" for having a glass of wine? I"m just curious, because you managed to stay AF for a long time. (Actually, I found this wonderful place when I was looking for the permission slip to moderate on New Year's Eve...)

People here say to wait a minimum of 30 days before deciding about whether to abstain or moderate. I think that's healthy advice, and your 30 days is right around the corner.

It sounds as if your marriage is one of your triggers~ are you and your hubby any happier than you were a couple of weeks ago? Do you want to stay married? Too bad we can't live on cruise ships, you know? I'd love to be on vacation right about now.

Welcome, and I hope that you find your way out...

[Leyla]

My drinking has escalated this past year. I drink alone at home. I got in the car after drinking a bottle of wine and I could of caused an accident or got pulled over for DUI. I've been drinking alot in front of my kids and I should be the good example. My marriage has been suffering for many years and I'm not sure of the outcome. We have been together for 20 years, and I just can't get myself to leave. Your right I think being at home and alone is definitely not a good thing. When I go out with friends I don't over indulge, I'm able to have one or two and stop. I don't know if I'm able to drink in moderation but I'm willing to go through the program and try. I know one thing for sure, I won't be drinking at home (alone) or otherwise. I have alot to figure out as far as my marriage, but for now I'm going to concentrate on getting myself together. Thanks for your response