The demon drink!

[gillibean1]

[tlrgs]

hey bean how are you. are you going to be around tonight .hope so see you in chat

[gillibean1]

trying to post my story but keep losing it, I`m not great on computers! so I think I`ll try again tomorrow and go to chat now!

[gillibean1]

I am finding it hard to beat the cravings, not many people know I`ve a problem!
I fool people all the time , but this is the only place I`m honest. I find I have become quite a good liar and story teller to avoid the extent of my drinking. I`m surrounded by social drinkers I feel its not fair! that some people can stop and I cant. I hide empty bottles around the house I`ve lost a job because of drink although convinced people I was too good for job(what a joke). People envey me, my looks (im lucky) I`m financially ok, and I`m bubbly and get on well with most people. But they know nothing I`m on antidepressants and becoming more and more dependant on this shit. I`m a hypocrite even now I`m drinking wine and tellin myself I wont drink tomorrow! The longest I`ve lasted lately is one day and I`m literally running to the pub the next evening. I dont want my daughter (shes 18 and my only child) to be ashamed of me, but still I dont stop! Im the daughter of and alcholic my poor sister is a chronic drinker I rearly see her sober and her life is hell, she had it all at once (poor baby) I worry about her health, and she thinks I`m strong, but I know she worries about me so I`ll continue to be the strong one.

Even though I`ve moaned to you poor guys reading this , I feel better bein honest, even if its only with me!
If you bothered to read this thank you

[FloridaBoy]

too. I thought I needed anti-depressants but realized AL was the root cause of these emotions. Try the Kudzu from this site to knock out the cravings..it works for many of us. My story is much like yours and I will post it soon.

FB

[nancy]

Hi there

I am just wondering if you are really fooling people. Usually, others will know, unless you keep your drinking to yourself at home, and in that case, your neighbors probably know.

Sounds like you are doing better than your sister but still pretty unhappy.

About anti-depressants, it's true that they are not supposed to work if you are drinking and also true that alcohol is a depressant. But the whole story for an individual is usually really complex. I have looked at this a lot and found that the depression/confusion/low self-esteem caused the drinking, which then alleviated the depression and low self-esteem temporarily before making it worse.

Anti-depressants are powerful in some situations but they are no replacement for self-esteem.

RE: booze, I think anytime you self-medicate for feelings with booze you are going to have a problem.

On top of the depression, your parent modeled alcoholic behavior for you, which is bad too.

The good news is that there are things you can do to help yourself out of it.

Are you in therapy? I highly recommend finding an open-minded therapist who is not going to just have a knee jerk reaction to your alcohol problem and send you to AA.

Another thing you should know if you are new to the site is that there are nutritional issues that affect alcoholics and their ability to stay off booze. These are detailed in the My Way Out book sponsored by this websiteand also in the book Seven Steps to Sobriety. I am not sold on nutritional therapy but I think reading about hypoglycemia/sugar cravings in alcoholics was a HUGE eye-opener to me. Seems to me that if you can even make small steps, changing your diet, becoming more aware, you could change greatly over time, so take heart.

Take care and read up on this website.
Nancy

[Dolly Sunshine]

Amen Nancy. I was thinking the "poor" sister is not that far removed from the poster. Gilli I'm pretty sure you are not fooling as many people as you think you are. I always thought I was. Only person I was fooling was myself. If you ended up here chances are you googled something about problem drinking/alcoholism. It's how I got here. We do that when desperate. Please just take a step back and only think of you...not your Mom not your sister. Just you. If you have a problem embrace this way of life and try.

[Popeye]

Hi jillibean,
Welcome to a lovely place.
You can have a good moan if you like.

[Hermit]

Thanks for sharing your story Bean!
I just started too - keep reading and posting, it really does wonders to let everything out, especially if you've been carrying this secret burden for a long time like some of the rest of us! I haven't talked about my drinking to a soul outside of MWO - but it is magic to be here and everyone's so supportive. It'll never be a 'bother' to read your posts - we are all here to inspire and teach and support eachother.

[greeneyes]

Hello gilli. I second Nancy's post. But will add that I do believe in the bio-chemical / nutritional aspect of the whole picture. I tend to lean in the direction of supplementation for deficiencies. We are all wired a tad bit differently and have to find the right combination for our individual selves. When you find one that works, just because you slip doesn't mean that it doesnt work. You have started and that is what matters. Test the waters and tweak as necessary. Kinda like a recipe. Many kind people here will help you.