Finally

[golf4me]

Hello All!!
I have been lurking on this site for two years. Reading your stories I have been getting support and ecouragement from all your personal stories during my struggles. I wanted to say thank you to all who share your personal lives and stories. So many of us learn and grow from your sharing. YOU HAVE TRULY HELPED ME!

In a nutshell at times throughout my 30's (i am 37) I have abused alcohol. I come from an alcoholic father and feel alot of guilt and shame around drinking because it caused me so much pain as a child. Often I feel hypocritical because my father still drinks and is still a supreme JERK!!! I have had black outs and feel shame for it. I have felt ill in the morning and felt guilt over it. I have lived with this internal conflict of who I want to be and who I don't (a drinker) for a long time.
I am a happy drunk. I only drink when I am happy. I don't fight, get angry, or go on benders. Sometimes I drink too much I pass out.
Drinking does not interfere with my work or relationships. However....I have been thinking of elimating alchohol for a long time. (since the blackouts as they totally FREAK me out). Plus all the many other reasons NOT too.

Why am I finally here? Mostly to say thank you and to let you know what a support you have all been. And also because I am 14 days AF and wanted to share. I am determined to be the person I want to be. To not let alcohol cause me guilt and shame, to stuff me down. To take control of my person and be happy!!!

I will continue to surf this site and feel support from all your successes!
Good luck to everyone and be strong you can do it!!!

[Bambi]

Dear Golf4me,

Thank you for sharing alittle about yourself and congrats on 14 days AF.

This is a great site, whether we read, post or do both. It helps and the support is wonderful just to know we aren't alone in our struggles.

Best of luck to you on your continued success and journey.
Hugs, Bambi

[4theboyz]

Hello Golf4me,

I think we all start out as a "guests" reading all the remarkable stories and alas struggles with AL. "Guests" most often outnumber members here on any given day and many never end up posting as well.

No matter how severe or sublime our stories may be or in spite of their own uniqueness to the author, they all can provide needed comfort and support to the many here who share in their own struggle with alcohol addiction. Your words as well are a welcome addition to my journey and I do wish you well in your own.

[golf4me]

I remember following a fellow's journey last year. He took a roadtrip in the states on his own....he was so insightful and so well written. I am not sure of his name?
Regardless there are so many that I have read and followed. I wanted to post but never have and now I am going post and return the encouragement and support that was given to me even if unknowingly.

I know I will continue to have trigger moments. I am NOT naive to the drink!

Its seems as though once you actually write down or voice your struggles suddenly its very real. Its difficult to remain in denial when you have put it out there for the universe!! When you can share without being judged.

4theboys-you are an amazing man with much insight! I am rooting for you!!

[tawnyfrog]

Hi there, golf ... the guy who did the road trip was Xtexan (Neil). Great writer. You'll find him in Long Term Abs.

Good to have you here.

[golf4me]

YES!!! Now I remember Neil. I will go find him and thank him.
And thank you for letting me know!!

[Ollie]

Congrats on 14 days! Since you have been lurking for 2 years you know how great this site and and these people are. Welcome!

Ollie