Here I go...

[CAM2575]

My story is similiar to many others I have read.
I like to drink. I like it because of the warm feeling in my tummy. I like it because of the gentle buzz it it gives me. Mostly I like it because it makes me feel like I can cope, and even excel.
I don't drink to get drunk. In fact, I hate getting drunk. I try to moderate my daily drinking to just maintain the "superwoman" feeling throughout the day. This ends up being 5-7 vodkas per day.
I drink everyday, from morning to night. My drink of choice is Vodka and water. Just typing it is making my mouth water.
If I am working, I can't drink until I get home. As a result, I find I can't concentrate at work because all I am thinking about is getting home and having that 1st drink.
I haven't had a drink yet today and I've already yelled at my husband, which I do not like to do.
I found this website and was moderately excited. I want to be the kind of person that does not need to drink, does not drink daily, or even weekly for that matter. I want to CONTROL it, and learn to manage my feelings in other ways. I just don't know how.
I have 3 children, one with Aspergers and I work full time in a fairly stressful occupation. Guilt is my constant companion. Guilt for not being at home with the kids, guilt for drinking, guilt for being less than the description of the perfect mother I have in my head. I have guilt for several failed attempts at quitting.
I know I have to stop, I can see the effects of heavy drinking slowly creeping up on me. It is my BIG DIRTY secret that only my husband knows. Slowly I feel like I am drifting away from friends and family to avoid being discovered.
So thats it. Thats me. Thanks for reading.

[JackieClaire]

Cam,

You've come to a safe place now where no one judges and masses of support. We've all walked in your shoes at one time or another.

Read the posts,then read some more. Make a plan of action and decide on your goals.
Have a look in the 'tool box' to give you some ideas

Tool box

Hope we see more of you around.

J x

[KateH1]

Welcome, Cam.....you have found a great place to get this all figured out. We have many success stories here. You might want to start by going to the health store here and downloading the book, My Way Out....it truly helped me to get started on the road to sobriety.

Read threads, perhaps join in chat, ask questions if you like. We are here to support you!

Best wishes,
Kate

[CAM2575]

Thank you for your kind words.
I really don't know what to say. Just THANK YOU!

[lodestar]

Hi Cam &

Good for you for posting and it sounds like you have your hands full at work and home! I've met lots of super women here and it is great to "meet" you too.

The MWO book gave me hope & courage to get started, and I'm so glad. While it has not been easy, it has been a pleasant surprise to feel super again much of the time and a whole lot less shameful.

See you around, I hope!

Oh, and p.s....I would have had a big V for vodka on my chest and been all tangled up in my cape just a couple of months ago.

[mario]

welcome cam2575
you have come to a great community with great support and non judgemental advice,keep posting and reading as many posts/threads as you can as they will give you an insight to what is happening and also show that you are certainly not alone,hope to see you around.goodluck

[CAM2575]

What forums do any of you recommend? There are so many, I don't know where to start!
I'm getting the book and am also reading another great book right now by Thomas Moore called "care of the soul".
I feel hungry for change for the first time in my journey with vodka!

[Rusty]

Hello Cam,

Welcome to MWO. I have been in your shoes, and although I do not live in Canada, I am Canadian French. Here are two great books that I would recommend, which have helped me greatly: How to Quit Drinking without AA by Jerry Dorsman and Controlling Your Drinking by William R. Miller. We are all here for you!

Private Message me if you want or need to. I'm always here.

Rusty

[mario]

cam you can start in the newbies thread or the just starting out thread,they will of great help.also read the long term abstainers thread if thats what you are going for.:-)

[Rusty]

Cam,

Also, you might want to check out womenforsobriety.org and all their publications. They are very helpful.

WE are here to help.

Rusty