just wine is poison

[shirazgirl]

Been looking around this site for months. I married an alcoholic who was abusive at age 21 and shared two children with him. Our marriage fell apart due to the al. I remarried someone and made sure they didn't drink at all. I didn't like being around people who drank and never kept one ounce of liquor in my house for 15 years. My 2nd divorce came as a result of us just growing apart.
After my divorce and the kids growing up and moving out, I started to go out socially with friends. I never overindulged. I found myself dating someone who owned a bar and started drinking there all the time as that was the only way I could hang out with him. Still, never to a problem where I would feel foolish or drink/drive. I always had a point with beer (that was all I drank) where I would know my limits.
Then, I found the love of my life....yes, wine. More particularly, red wine. It had such a warm and fuzzy feeling associated with it. This is when I started to over indulge. I would drink at home, by myself to the point that I didn't remember the night. Driving the next day to work seemed like torture. Just watching the clock waiting until five so I could go home and wish the feeling away.
After making a huge fool out of myself by calling a guy friend and saying embarassing things (that I really didn't even mean), I decided to stop drinking wine. I haven't bought or drank any in about 2 months. The strange thing is is that I can still have a few beers. I never want to overdrink with beer. I never feel that "just keep going" or need to get drunk. I just get full and stop and don't even think about it.
Does anyone else just have this problem with wine. I have never drank hard liquor either. Seems as long as I stay away from that bottle of Shiraz I'm fine. I haven't been drunk since that last glass of wine and am grateful for the much better days at work and being able to go to the gym a few times a week. Thanks for the listen....

[gelgit]

Hi, Maybe you're one of the really lucky ones that can just say NO. I know people who have gone through similar experiences to yours and recovered and gone on to live happy lives.. But, I know others who have not been able to stop. We can go on for years just on the brink of disaster and it takes a superhuman effort to save ourselves. AL is a beast. Keep posting and keep well! g.

[Determinator]

hi Shiraz and a big welcome to you. Wine has been my nemesis also. Problem is it eventually got so bad I'd start on wine but then switch to anything to maintain the buzz if I had to. You have found a fantastic community here at MWO!

[Heavenly]

As long as you can stick to the beer and then feel fine I would do just that....you have an 'off' button with certain drinks and I envy you that.

I only have an 'on' button.

I don't like certain drinks, never drink spirits, liqueurs, aperitifs etc .... but if I was desperate they would all go down the same way ! HUH and have the effect I want .... until the next day ...

[greenhouse1]

Hi Shirazgirl
I can so relate to what you are saying. I love wine. Chard or Cab are my favorites. I can't stand and licquor and only rarely (like once a year) will I drink a beer. What is it with that? I don't know. That's a tough one to figure out.
I'm hangin in there at day 2 AF and hoping for another tomorrow.
Good luck to you.

[readytotry]

I, too, am new here. This is my first day. I only like white wines but will consume almost anything else in the house to keep that buzz. When I was 25 or 30 years younger, you could only buy wine at the liquor store. Now it is at the corner grocery and at the total wine supermarket and costco and walmart. I really need to stop. I don't drink during the day, but can't wait until 6pm for cocktails. My husband loves the cocktail hour, too, and we enjoy the taste and effect of alcohol. We go out a lot and there is always alcohol, even though several of our friends are teetotalers.
If I drink, I crave sweets and have put on at least 15 extra pounds over the past couple of years. Something's gotta give here and I am praying for help from this website. I also suffer badly from cyclical depression (am on medication) and I need those arms wrapped around me. Thank you.

[HSJMOMMY]

I, too, am a Shiraz girl. Don't drink much hard al, but wine, mmmm, love it. But, if the hard stuff were around, and heaven forbid I didn't want to lose that "buzz", I would drink it. I just feel sooooooo relieved to read other peoples' stories and know that I am in the same predicament as them. It might sound selfish, but it actually gives a sense of relief to me, to know that I am not alone. I can't talk openly/honestly about this to ANYONE! Here, I feel I can let it out and that is great. I still have yet to honestly tell myself that I am an alcoholic...it is just so hard to admit. One day at a time I suppose, and eventually i will be able to admit it. Just feel soo crappy about myself everyday though, but MUST put on a positive, pretty face for everybody around me, especially my kids. LIfe goes on.....


M
Vanc., BC

[HSJMOMMY]

A friend just called and asked me out to dinner....I let the machine get it. I can't admit to her that I am sitting here drinking. She doesn't drink and if I told her that I was, she would call my DH and let him know what I was doiing. The problem with that is that he thinks for the last 4 days I have had nothing. I am a CON ARTIST. I get it under control before he comes home. I lie and say that it is the supps I am taking that make me feel not well.
Such a pathetic liar I am. I am soooo sick of myself right now. What do I do?

M.

[Booklvr]

Hey Shiraz girl

I too can drink beer or pretty much any liquor and stop! I remember what I did the night before and I don't get hungover. (with the occasional mistake - very occasional) But if I had a glass of wine first it UNLOCKS the beast and then I will drink and drink my way into the bottle.

I have tried sticking to other drinks once for a whole three years! But Wine is my true love and only white - it gives me such a nice content feeling. Everything slows down nad gets soft and fuzzy. I love it but then it turns on me (kind of like a nice pet tiger or something) and I feel awful the next day! Generally can't remember what I did the night before. Generallly, nothing terrible ....

I am a sneaky drinker. I am sure people have no clue how much I drink. My parents have both been through rehab, my cousin too. All continue to drink WE all know the drill! I maintain a business, exercise, volunteer, have a beautiful child and a loving husband. I am sure people notice that I am a heavy drinker when we go out BUT generally I TRY REALLY REALLY hard to drink REALLY SLOWLY when I am around others.. But when they are not around I relax my vigilance...

So I am once again going to try it seems like you are in a similar position. Let's keep each other posted!

WWW

[shirazgirl]

Hi,
Thanks for the reply. I guess staying away from that bottle of wine is what's most important. It's not worth the self loathing that comes the next day when I don't remember way I did......
I am generally a fund, easy going person, but I can get mean if I drink wine (not that I remember any of it). Good way to lost friends!
Everyday is a new day and everyday is a day that I can drive by the liquor store without stopping. Today will be one of those days.
Thanks for the support.