My Introduction - Long Overdue

[iAmBecoming]

I've been here for awhile now, so I figured it was about time I told my story.

A little personal background: I've had a pretty stable life. I had a great family growing up, and I've had a successful and fulfilling professional life. The only real rough spot I've had in my life was an engagement that didn't pan out several years ago which was pretty devastating to me. I eventually moved on and met a fantastic women that I've been in a relationship with now for a couple years.

I began drinking at 21 and I've been drinking roughly 3-6 drinks a night during the week and 4-10 a night Fridays and Saturdays on average for the past 11 years with almost no alcohol free days (I can only remember 2 AF days in the past 5 years until now). Although my drinking seemed to be slowly winding down over the past couple years as I'm no longer in my resilient 20s, recently I was kind of back up near the top end of the drinking range I listed. Sadly the main reason why I was drinking so much again was because I wanted to cut back, but I was afraid that I'd have serious withdrawal. The fear and anxiety kind of fed the cycle for awhile.

One day after feeling worn out for a couple weeks straight, I decided that this was a meaningless way to live and that I wanted to give moderation a serious crack. A few weeks ago I began tapering down a drink every 2 days starting with 6 drinks a day until I was averaging 2 or 3 during the week and 4-6 on the weekends. I kept this up for a couple weeks. Last week I tried a couple AF days. I drank moderately this past weekend, and then did not drink Monday of this week through now (Thursday night/4days). I think the only withdrawal symptom I had was being anxious that I might suddenly have bad symptoms.

I feel great and I don't want to go back to that lifestyle. Long periods of sobriety is where it's at! I'd still like to learn how to drink like a regular person does, but I guess we'll see how that goes. I'm fully aware that this small success may be my problem's sneaky way of keeping itself alive for the long haul.

Ideally, I'd like to keep it 6 or under on Friday and Saturday nights and then only drink during the week at the occasional social gathering. I'm trying to lose some weight right now, so my desire to keep my calories down has really put the kibosh on any stinkin' thinkin' as I haven't even been tempted to grab a drink since I had my last one on Sunday. It's been pretty effortless, so I hope this is a good sign. If things don't go well over the next couple of weeks I'll try for the suggested 30 days AF and then reevaluate at that point.

Other than that, I want to mention how welcoming this place has been and I have enjoyed seeing all of the displays of support and reading all of the inspiring stories.

[jinja]

Well done on your 4 days!! I think all & any AF days are to be celebrated after the regime of daily drinking some of us have lived with for so many years. I think that sometimes the prospect is harder than the reality, on the physical side. After 1 day AF, the old addiction raises it's head and says 'see, you can do it. So you just don't need to do it everyday now'. Personally, the thought of NEVER is terrifying. I want to be able to drink 'normally'. Some friends of mine will maybe have 2 glasses of wine on a Sat evening!! That's it - nothing during the week. Holy cow! That's the normal I want - not to be in a daily decision, choosing. I want to not even think about it. If I'm thinking & choosing then I'm not normal.

I wish you so much luck on this journey. We all have different goals with the same original concern.
I look forward to 'talking' with you more.
Take care
xxx

[Ask For Help]

Dear I Am Becoming:
What a lot of progress you've made! That's great!
Cutting back and introducing AF days are great strategies for "drinking like normal people" at least IMHO.
Do you use Drink Tracker? I found that was a great way for me to measure my progress (counting drinks/week, AF days/month) so that if I felt I messed up a day or two, I had the longer range view to remind myself of my progress. Maybe you're better at that than I am.

Do you take supps or Topo? Can you tell we want all your secrets since it's seemed relatively easy. We have a "strategies" thread in Monthly Mods where we try to share "what's worked" for folks who are cutting back and moderating, so we can learn from each other.

Anyway, wanted to thank you for posting your story and encourage you to visit us on mods if you're looking for a crew to check in with.

Ask

[livingfree]

Thanks for posting your story! Many can relate - best to you!!

[betty boop]

Hi Am, Well done for being brave enough to post your story, and well done on the moderation ......

Keep up the good work .........

BB xx

[iAmBecoming]

Thanks for the kind words everyone. It means a lot . I know that I'm still in the woods yet and the encouragement makes great guide posts as I find my way out.

I am taking some supplements. At the moment I'm taking GABA, All One, magnesium, L-Glut, and Milk Thistle. I just started these a couple days ago, so I can't really comment on if they are working for me quite yet. Also, I have some evening primrose oil (GLA) on the way. I also have been using L-Tryptophan and Calms Forte for a while now, and both of those are fantastic for me as I've always had problems staying asleep at night (booze and sleep don't mix as we all know). I tried Kudzu in the past, but I didn't really notice anything. I might give it another go however.

I'd like to use drink tracker, but it's not working for my account due to a bug. RJ let me know that it's being worked on. In the meantime I've been using a spreadsheet to track my progress. I do think it's good to keep track so I can see the overall trend over time.

As far as why it's been relatively easy goes, I really think my desire to lose some weight is one of the main factors. I'm tracking all of my calories and daily activities. I have a calorie target to meet every day and those calories have to come from food, not booze. I can see objectively in the math how adding drinks will ruin my progress. Also, I'm exercising an hour a day after work each day, so there really isn't time to fit in boozing in before or after dinner if I'm going to make it to bed at a sane hour. There is simply no way to fit the daily booze in with the way I have my life structured at the moment. I think that really helps to keep that voice in my head from starting to plan a way for me to drink that night.

Another factor is my job. I'm lucky enough to be doing the job that I said I wanted to do when I was 6 years old. I've been very successful and I'm now in sort of a leadership position. I cannot be a leader if I'm constantly in a haze, showing up late, spacing out in meetings etc... I owe it to myself and my coworkers to be the best I can be. My job is a huge source of happiness in my life so I can't let it turn into a meaningless black hole where I just get by.

Yet another factor is my desire to enjoy life has superseded my desire to drink. I finally started to feel like I have become a slave to drinking and it's not fun anymore. In fact it has become downright boring. Coming home every night and drinking to the point where I don't accomplish anything around the house or spend time enjoying my hobbies is not what I call a meaningful life.

I have to say that this community has been a major factor as well. Both the success stories and the horror stories are a daily reminder of what is at stake. I am really grateful to have this place to come to as I know that AA is not for me.

[Cinders]

IamBecoming,

and very happy to hear of your progress.

I am excited for you because I believe you actually MIGHT be able to moderate!! Many of us did not put a halt to our daily drinking and went over that line (don't know when or where but I did!!) so that moderation is just not an option.

You will find out, I am sure, as you work through all this.

The one thing that makes this site so wonderful is that those who can moderate successfully have a place to be. AA simply cannot accept that some drinkers can get there. It is not a part of their psyche.

If, after trying, you find you can't, then you can address that then. For now, keep on working towards your goal, keep on taking the supplements, keep on exercising at night to replace the time you drank and keep on loving your life.

Your post gave me some happiness, I have no idea why, I should be jealous, however, I am not. I am glad you are here and very much want you to succeed.

Love,
Cindi
XXXV

[MyOwnWoman]

iAm, congrats on getting to where you are!

I had been a daily many-drinks-per-night person til a few months ago. Though I had been aspiring for 100% AF, I'm doing just 2 nights with drink per week, and the AF nights are a total breeze. EASY.

Though I still want a little more restraint, I do feel so free of the chains that made me give in to drink each and every freakin day. The AF days are wonderful. And on the weekends, when I do drink, I don't have to feel so guilty about it. I still have the problem of finishing every bottle of wine I open, but at least it's only one on the drinking nights. (Before I got on this track it had been much more than one 8 days a week.)

I would only recommend, as I tell myself constantly, to not be fooled. The increase in frequency and quantity can creep up very slyly. Be very aware. Sounds like you are doing right with keeping a spread sheet.

I welcome you, and glad you are here!