My story of a Sad boy and how I'm getting past it

[propartychief]

Well here it comes !!
This is my story from the start.
I do not intend to edit this as I see you all as my shrink and support!!
So I will not hold anything back and may ramble a bit because I see you all sitting right here in front of me
I was born to a shitty Mom and a drunk for a Dad.
My earliest memories are Mom and Dad fighting.
They got divorced when I was just a little boy 4/5 maybe and I can rember hurting myself way back then stabbing myself with a icepick.
I went with my Mom after the divorce untill she had a mental break down.
My outward destructive behivour started then.
I destroyed things in the apartment and out side the apartment we lived in.
I forgot to say I have a brother that is 3 years yonger than me.
We then were sent to her Parents after she had a full break down.
We were there for a couple of years untill my Dad came and took us back from them.
This is when I had my first AL and have the pics to prove it.
I was a baby.
He was married to a woman who had 2 kids of her own.
A boy a couple of years older than me and a girl one year older than me.
I now know she was horribly sexualy abused.
She is the first one to intrudce me to sex when I was in the 1ts grade.
We carried that on till I was in the 4th grade.
Starting in the 3rd grade we started to be shoplifters.
Small stuff at first then stuff we could sell to other kids.
At some point in the 4th grade my Dad just dissapeared and left us with the Stepmom
We never saw him for almost 18 years.
The stepmom then took us to my Dad's Mom.
This was the first NORMAL life I can rember.
But that only lasted for about a year.
What I learned later in life that her father had disapeared also.
So having us there caused her to have a break down to.
She was going to place us in a home for unwanted kids.
Then my Mom's parents stepped in to keep us out of there.
So in 6th grade I went to my Mom's parents and shit went bad from there.
They did the best they could but i was so broken by then they didn't have a chance.
I had serious abandoment and sexual issues by then.
The abandoment is probally what has caused me most of my problems.
So anyway in the 6th grade i was a totally rebel and hated everybody around me.
I became friends with a biker that lived down the road.
I totally looked up to him as a father figure.
I ended up as kinda a club mascott.
This is when I can say I really started drinking/smoking and doing drugs. (6th grade)
I became VERY violent a theif and was selling drugs at school.
From that time till 60 days ago I drank every day.
I stayed there with them till 12th grade.
During which I did a LOT of bodily harm to many.
Not to mention how many lives I destroyed by intrudceing other kids to drugs.
From there I came to Califorina to a pice of shit Mom trying to run away from trouble.
She was no help to me at all.
I only got deeper into drugs and became even more violent.
I married the first time at 17 to a woman that was 10 years older than me.
I just wanted somebody to love me.
Needless to say that didn't last very long.
Here we go again I saw this just as another abandoment.
For the next 10 years my life was just a blur of crime ,violence,drugs and AL
These things were the only things that stuck with me all thru my life I loved then .
They were always there for me and they never left me.
I some how managed not to go to prison although I should be there now.
I did get caught but nothing ever stuck.
Thank God.

Then I met what is now my ex wife.
I was homeless and living in a tent.
And she loved me anyway.
She had a 3yo son that I totally adored and still do.
I finally saw some light in my life.
The violence and crime were gone but the drugs and AL were still there.
After a few years most of the drugs were gone.
And all the drugs were totally gone about 3 years ago.
But AL was always there for me.
I guess I was just wating for the abandoment to come back in my life and wanted AL there to pick up the piceses for me.
She tried to talk to me about the wall I have built up.
But I thought I was protecting myself.
But i now know I was driving her away.
She did warn me what I was doing But I wouldn't listen.
I still had AL to love me.
During this time we had 2 of the most beautiful girls in the world.
They were and still my heart nad life.
All I ever really wanted out of my life was to have the family I never had.
And I thought I had found it.
How could she leave me We are a family I have a great job I provide well.
But I still had AL to love me.
Well I found out on New years eve that she had enough.
And I thought that my world had crashed down around me.
But AL still loved me.
I had lost the one true love of my life. I thought
But Al still loved me

It was not till my girls told me that they did not want to see me on my visitation day that I knew that AL didin't really love me
That was the day my life turned around.
Then i felt what it was like to have all you love come crashing down.
Al was not there when I really needed it the most .
Al had been lying to me all of my life.
I was beaten I got back all the pain that i had given in my life.
And I desereve all of it.

That was 60 days ago.
Now I have a good realshonship with my girls.
I am sober.
And happier than i have ever been.
Right now I have no job.
No car.
But I have the love of my girls.
I'm sober.
I now know that I can face anything that comes at me.

WOW this was longer than I expected.
I have been thinking for a long time of doing this and glad that I finally have.
What a load off my chest.
To any that make it this far thank you for your time.
And if this helps ANYBODY from not going down my road thank God I could be of some help.

MUCH LOVE and PEACE to you all

Bob

[startingover]

Wow Pro, what a story!
You know the more I hear the more I realise why we do what we do.
Kudos to you for turning things around. You are an amazing man.
Well done my friend.

[Gyco]

very inspirational story bob,you are one of the fortunate ones, and seem to be getting on with a happy life i do wish you well gyco and by the way lovely children

[greeneyes]

Incredible journey; you are so strong!

[tlrgs]

thankx for sharing buddy you are doing an awesome job keep it up

[mario]

Well done bob
you have come a long way,
This is the start of a new life,
Hold on with both hands as you are in the driving seat,
wishing you the best for the future, you can do it. :-)

[Rusty-576]

Pro you have come so far so fast my friend....I know there are many valleys and hills in this life stay strong you have so much to give.....take care

[Miss October]

Oh Bob, such a very sad and emotional story. So that's how it starts, bad parenting or lack of it......but YOU HAVE BROKEN the cycle !! SIXTY DAYS without the BEAST in your life. It can only get better from here. Time and no beast will heal all your wounds. We are here for you, and God Bless YOU TOO

[KateH1]

Bob, no child should have to endure, abuse and neglect. No Child! I am sorry that you had to live through this. Those of us that have had to endure such horrendous abuse and neglect often turn to alcohol and or drugs to escape, but, at the end of the day it is never the answer.

Bob, you have begun your journey back to your new life. You have been rebuilding your relationship with your daughters....you have made some HUGE steps. It is time to continue to move forward and build the next chapter in The Life of Bob!

I encourage you to look forward, not backwards. Reach out of yourself and you will be surprised and how things can turn around.

I wish you Happiness, Fulfillment and Love!
Kate

[Tulipe]

Bob,
What a story! I can't believe what you have been through. You have come so far. Keep going - you have much to offer.