Need to change

[Juley]

I know I wouldn't be here if everything was okay. I did a search on how to cut down alcohol and found this place. Friday morning I decided I was giving up alcohol for a week at least. I only lasted until last night. Then I drank a bottle of wine, on my own lonely and upset.

I have gone through such a horrible year, I can barely believe that i'm still sane so I guess I didn't really think about how much I was drinking and justified it. I've lost pretty much everything in the past year. A year ago I moved country to be with my fiancee and where he was from. So I left a job, friends, family etc. My drinking there hit new levels. He and his family are heavy drinkers and he used to order wine by the box load. Wine is my downfall, open a bottle and I'll finish it. It's a very long time since I've put the cork back in a bottle. Anyway, most evenings were spent drinking wine and arguing. My social life was gone, he never brought me out saying he couldn't afford it. Then he cheated on me, I found out immediately and packed my bags and came home. It meant leaving another job, my home etc. But I rathered do that than committ to a dishonest person. Initially when I arrived back I didn't drink. I had too much to sort out and I guess I knew once I started I wouldn't stop. It's the last time I remember doing anything constructive and feeling well.

Then the drinking started again. A bottle of wine every night almost, sometimes even more. Of course that led to phonecalls to him when drunk and turned into a vicious circle.

Truthfully I don't think I'd be here only my health is definitely suffering. I constantly suffer from anxiety attacks and I have linked them to when I've been drinking the previous evening. I've been getting chest pains, severe headaches and palpitations. I was at a Doctor who I wasn't entirely honest with, told them about all my other products so they assumed I was suffering from stress (which I am). I recently lost my job, not due to the drinking - I think I'm quite good at hiding it but I don't want to HAVE to.. I just don't want to be hungover in the first place. I see other people who are in bed by 11pm, quite happy and can fill their days constructively. I spend most my days waiting for them to finish because I'm wrecked. Then it gets to 9pm, I open a bottle of wine and I'm up until 1am, 2am because I don't want to go to bed although I can't get up in the morning then! When I haven't drank or don't drink I'm the complete opposite, eat healthy, take care of myself, exercise etc but does days are so few now it frightens me.

Tonight I'm not drinking, only having water. Fair enough, but if I feel great again tomorrow that's when I'll think I deserve a bottle of wine in the evening and I'm back to square one. I don't think I've totally crossed the line, hence why I'm here. I never drink during the day and lately I have cut back on the no. of nights. I need to do something though before I've totally crossed that line.

[renewal]

Hi Juley....just wanted to extend a friendly welcome to you. FYI, I started a thread 3 weeks ago when I started here (newbies unite, June 08') for people starting out like yourself. I'd love for you to join us should you wish. Feel free to read the entries on that thread to determine if it's a good fit for you.....personally, I think it is....all the best,
Renewal

[tlrgs]

this is a great site to find your way out ..just read and learn as much as you can ..we are here for you.. stay strong and remember you are the only one that can really make the change for yourself .. good luck

[time2change]

Juley
I hope that you stick around here. Read, post and you will find alot of people who have been in the same situations you have been in. You will also find alot of support.
I'm not saying it is easy to stop drinking, but I do know if you want his bad enough you can do it. Welcome to MWO.

[Sunbeam]

Sunday afternoon was always my time of alcohol abuse. Too tired to get my energy up to going to work the next day, whatever. I am also a Julie, also was a binge drinker. I have learned so much and come a long way through my friends on this site. So keep coming here, figure out some steps to take. You can do it.

[vlad]

Welcome on board Juley. Any day for me was an excuse for a binge drinking several beers and half a bottle of vodka a night. I've done 2 stints AF and am now learning to moderate (cutting out the vodka helped alot!!!). Anyway, you'll find plenty of support here - looking forward getting to know you! Stick around!

[jessie]

Welcome Juley,
I relate to the anxiety attacks which follow after a binge, they are definitely alcohol related. ( And highly unpleasant)
I wish you luck. I get a lot of info and support here; and knowing that there are others in the same boat and fighting the same demon helps a lot.
Love
Jessie.

[Chelle12]

Hi Juley, I think the fact that you can leave out drinking until the evening is good... I struggle with waiting til midday.
Well done on only drinking water for a night.. its a great achievement, and will be so good waking up refreshed the next morning.
Chelle

[KBCE]

Welcome Juley! I am new here as well. Wine is my downfall as well. You have been through alot, but you can stay strong. Keep posting on here - it helps so much. It really does. I am back to square one after having two small glasses of wine last night (had to finish the damn box of wine in the fridge ya know... but I feel good, taking my vitamins, drinking lots of water and envisioning myself as a sober, happy, healthy person. We can do this. We really can. Good luck to you and look forward to getting to know you!