Never imagined I'd have a problem with alcohol

[mcmrunner]

I'm a newbie and wanted to share my story with everyone. I think sharing will help me.

Never had a drink in high school. I was always the driver, since I was so worried about my friends drinking & driving. When I was 17 I was hit by a drunk driver, only minor injuries - but it scared me.

Married Feb. 96 - widowed Oct. 97. My 27-year old husband died when he fell down a mineshaft. I was 25.

Amazingly, I didn't even drink that much when all that happened. Friends would take me out, but I'd only have a beer once every month or so. I didn't even do anti-depressants, but my "drug" was working out. I worked out ALL the time as my escape. I got down to 90 pounds and looked like a skeleton. I attended a support group once a week for a year and that was the best thing I did.

Forward to a few years ago...

Met my current boyfriend - GREAT guy! We would go out to eat a lot and that's when my drinking started picking up. We'd go alone, meet with family, friends, etc... I think I became more of a social drinker and got out of hand as the next few years progressed. Plus, my boyfriend always drove and in my mind that meant I could drink as much as I wanted.

I think I drank more the year preceding the 10-year anniversary of my husband's death approached - Oct. 07. Nov. 06 I had an alcohol-related experience that made me see a therapist and quit drinking for 3 months.

I saw the therapist for grief and drinking issues. My boyfriend said he would do whatever it takes to help me get through what I needed to and offered to go to sessions with me if I wanted. My boyfriend only drinks a few beers on the weekend now.

Now, I generally, I drink 2-4 glasses of wine 5 nights a week. With binging occuring once or twice a month. While on a recent binge, I hid a bottle of wine in another trash can. At the time it was no big deal, but when I woke up the next morning I knew I had to chill out.

That's my story in nutshell.

Renee

[time2change]

welcome. I know sharing personal information is not easy, but it feels good. Please stick around. There are alot of people that will support you. This is a great place.

[evielou]

You sound very brave.Grief is a hard emotion to deal with.You have great support so i know that you have what it takes to meet your goals.When we start to hide bottles i think it is time to realize it is time to stop drinking.So much easier now than trying to put a broken life back together.There is great support here that will help you ALONG THGE WAY......lol.EVIE

[mcmrunner]

I'm looking forward to getting through as many posts on this site as I can.

Yes, grief is a very hard emotion. It comes, goes, comes, goes, and when you think everything is ok it smacks you in the face again. One thing I've learned with grief is - the goal is not to forget, but to one day be able to remember and talk about them and be happy for all the memories, instead of immediately feeling the gut-wrenching, overwhelming pain of loss.

Dolphin, what a great accomplishment so far - DAY 13! Would you have ever guessed? Your stronger than you think you are. Keep your head up.

I appreciate all the kind words and encouragement! I feel ok now, but I know when I get in certain situations its going to take everything I have to say no.

[vlad]

I never thought I'd ever have a problem with alcohol either but it happened. I never really drunk until I went to University but then I became obsessed, even when I became a Christian at 19 my drinking didn't stop straight away. Eventually I did become disinterested and neally went tee-total (I so wish I had) after a 6 week stint of abstaining but then 8 years after an illness I began to obsess about alcohol again. It was like I was picking at an old scar, I tried to curb the obsession by trying to focus my attention elsewhere, I learnt a language, I learnt to play an instrument but the obsession was just too great, I opened the wound and the vodka came out again. I have moderated my drink now but still obsess about drink, were the next one's coming from and dream about it - it's that I want rid of, that's why I'm here. My church friends have been really helpful and supportive too - sharing my problem with them was hard - I spent an hour crying before I could tell them. But really, the best way to resolve a problem is to talk about it, it becomes easier to deal with and you can certainly do that here.

[vlad]

Oh yes, I'm abstaining for a week before I go away to Croatia were I intend to drink in moderation.

[louise]

Welcome Renee. You have a lot going for you in recognizing your problem relatively early and having such a supportive boyfriend. Good luck.

[Cherbear]

I can really relate to your feelings in the morning after hiding the wine bottle... the things we do to try and fool ourselves. I'm on day 1 of my 30 day, a newbie too but I think this site will help me if I just turn to it instead of good ol AL.
Hang in there!!
cherbear

[Doggygirl]

Renee! I'm so glad that you found us. I can't even imagine what it must have been like for you to lose your husband so unexpectedly, and at such a young age. I can't imagine what it must still be like to have those waves of grief wash over you - maybe when you least expect it. I ditto Louise's comment that you are smart to recognize a pattern of problem drinking sooner rather than later and do something about it NOW. Your boyfriend sounds very supportive too - a wonderful thing!

Alcohol does not solve any problems, nor does it make any problems go away. One of my favorite saying is this...

"Nothing in life is SO bad that alcohol can't make it worse."

Have you downloaded the My Way Out book from the Health Store? If not - I highly recommend it. Well worth the $13(US), IMO. I think gaining a full understanding of the baseline program that RJ recommends is a good thing - then you develop your on plan from there.

I found this site in early July last year. After experimentation, I have come to the conclustion that I want to be completely AL (alcohol free) in my life. I am on Day 17 AF and determined to make this the LAST time I start over with a stretch of AF days. It's so worth it.

Glad you are here! Let us know how we can best support you!

DG
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[Maisie]

My husband died in January 2007, and I can so relate to your saying, "It comes, goes, comes, goes, and when you think everything is ok it smacks you in the face again." That is my life.

I'm glad you're here. I'm still a newbie, but the community here is a positive place to come and has come to be a stabilizing influence in my life. I hope it's the same for you.